john44

I attend meetings regularly to see what happens to people who DO attend meetings regularly. And I generally like what I see!

Fandy

I'm really glad to see what John wrote...because when I read the original post that John just quoted, it sounded quite self-centered and egotistic. I thought, who would go to watch other people suffer?

anyway Whitefeathers, if you have learned anything from this slip, you know that it isn't worth it to wake up feeling poorly. I hope you find somewhere comfortable that can give you support to stay sober and feel good about yourself, whatever it is.

john44

Hi Fandy, I'd like to post a few thoughts in Bob's defense (not that Bob needs me to defend him).

I've met and talked to many long-sober folks in AA. Before, I always wondered why they needed to keep coming to AA after being sober 10,15, 20 or more years. One guy I knew was active in AA with well over 60 years of sober time. Yeah, really.

I heard many reasons why they "kept coming back". One guy with 17 years said he didn't think about drinking anymore, he just like seeing the people. He was comfortable in the rooms...it's a social thing for him. Another guy, who doesn't go to a whole lot of meetings but sponsors guys and is active in service said he wants to give back to struggling alcoholics, to help people. Quite a few people have told me that seeing newcomers, people still suffering but willing to change and grow "keeps it green" for them. It reminds them that this is a daily reprieve and even with decades of sobriety, they could be in bad shape very quickly were they to pick up a drink again.

As a relative newcomer myself, if my recent suffering and my current struggles as a result of my previous drinking can help someone stay sober, then I say great!

Danae

Hi,

I used to drink and it helped me with bad headaches I had. Did it cause other problems? Sure, but short term it helped better than any meds I had. (To those who would add that these headaches were alcohol induced--nope, I still have them after 2 1/2 years sober). So I understand the self-medicating thing.

I also understand your issues with AA. I tried 3 different meetings and found a huge range. I didn't end up using AA long term, but I am happy to know it is out there if I want it.

I don't know if you need to get bogged down in the word alcoholic. In my mind the critical piece is for me to accept that I can't ever have a drink again, can't drink in moderation. Taking alcohol out of the equation altogether, forever, has freed me from obsessing about it. That alone is a huge relief! If I'd known how good that felt it might have helped me to quit earlier.

Danae

john44

Oh and also, it's really kind of a mutual situation between newcomers and people with some time. The newcomer keeps it green for the old-timer and the old-timer gives the newcomer a very precious gift. Hope. If you read Bob's comment and then my comment, I think it describes this symbiosis perfectly.

Fandy

thanks for your opinion John...I still stand by my impression.
I do understand that some people need the structure and the social contact of AA,
i don't make my past drinking or any current struggles my identity. (sober 2+ years after 8-10 glasses of wine a night for over 20).

neferkamichael

WhiteFeathers, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your horse, that all you can do. In 8 days I'll be 3 years sober. I go to AA regularly but I'm not a step person, I like the fellowship more. I hang on SR and read lots of threads and I am just determined to be "chemical independent". By staying sober for this period of time I have proven to myself that I am better off without the booze, drugs, and cigarettes. In the beginning I probably expected more from sobriety but I haven't worked on other problems I have enough to change my behavior, but I am improving. Rootin for ya.

WhiteFeathers

Thank you. Very sweet post. I wasn't able to make it to my women's meeting today because it's summer and I have two kids to take care of all day. My husband said he'd be home, but he was late. If I want to head out to meetings, I'm going to have to secure babysitting and not rely on him.

I will get back on that horse. I know I'm better than chemical dependence. I guess this sobriety thing is harder than I thought

davaidavai

Of AA, I expected the friendship and comradery promised throughout. Well, that didn't seem to work out. But what it did help me do is get some real time sober. It taught me a kind of trust in life that was a huge deficit before.

Looking back on it, I probably wouldn't have gone into it with the mindset of 'relating' to people. The point as I understand it now is to remind myself how bad the cycle was by sharing and being helpful. Even as I write this, although I haven't been in a while, I'm sort of reminded of the point.

Per the nomenclature discussion, I always related more to the spiritual ailment aspect (although I dislike the word spiritual, prefer perhaps existential). I feel like there's a spectrum. Hardcore low bottom drinks possibly need certain elements of the program more and relate to each other better. Maybe as a high bottom drunk, I need what they need less. But I think it's the same essential dilemma, of not quite knowing how to live, not trusting life or seeing life clearly. In my experience, it was a useful way to get time.