NEPA

Well guys, this is about the 4th time I am trying to get on the wagon this year. Made it 5 days so far. I am not a daily alcoholic. I do not require it to physically function. I am a very bad binge drinker. Once I start I do not stop. For instance on the last day I drank I drank a 30 pack of Genny Cream Ale (yeah I know yuck) and 2 bottles of wine. The day before I drank 3 six packs, the day before that I drank 2 six packs. So I gradually build up to a peak, before it all comes tumbling down. Then I suffer for 2-3 days afterwards. First off is the embarassment of the thing I do when I drink like this. I have to worry about seeing people I saw when I was out, or people who I was with teasing me. The comes the depression, anxiety, anger. I am actually starting to feel the physical pains of drinking like this as well. I am badly overweight, when I binge I get severe stomach problems, my back gets extremely stiff and my legs ache. I am confident that I can quit binging this time as the physical stuff is pretty annoying. Anyways, did anyone else experience these physical aches and pains after a binge? Oh well, I figured I'd keep you guys up to date.

cruzndabay

Nepa, you have just described what I have been doing for the past 11 years. I have to remind myself that I started drinking at age 15 sneaking in wine coolers at family functions then it progressed to sneaking beers from my uncles stash. I would drink a 12 pack of beer daily and a 6 pack on a good day. I always feared the weekends because it was when I would drink untill I passed out and made a fool of myself among other things. I understand all too well the withdrawal that comes afterwards which is only cured by drinking more. Until is found SR I stayed in silence, suffered alone. I feel that posting on SR is a form of healing versus keeping the alcoholic experience bottle up. Best of luck.

NEPA

I usually last from Sunday until Tuesday maybe Wedenesday, then it is an all out binge until the following Sunday, which is when the agony starts. Doc actually prescribed me an SSRI for the Anxiety that I get. It actually seems to be help my self control quit a bit too. So I am happy about that. Like I said I don't get the shake or anything. Just odd symptoms when I don't binge. Almost like I feel worse sober than drunk.

doggonecarl

What are you doing different this time, NEPA, to insure that this attempt is successful?

I'd also suggest you make Sober Recovery a daily thing. Going months and months without the support and help SR can provide isn't helping your recovery.

NEPA

I think this time I'm truly disgusted. I've been boozing pretty heavy since I'm 14-15. Gave up the drugs (E and Coke, never considered marijuana a drug per say) fairly easy when I was about twenty. I'm 29 and just pretty disgusted. In the past 5 years my booze habit has really ruined my reputation. Caused me to end two relationships on that probably could have went a long way. I put my sister in a headlock one night and its just a constant sprial of stupidity. I think its time for a change. While boozing for me usually starts out as fun, it always ends in mayhem. Its just not good.

LadyBug66

Nepa, I'm on day 5 as well. I'm also a binge drinker. If I have one then I don't stop until I either pass out or get sick. I completely understand what you are saying. Today has been rough.

Climber122

Hi Nepa - to answer your question, lots of us saw our health decline before we got sober. And have no illusions - this drug will end your life. Usually sooner than you expect. But I know how I used to not be able to "stay stopped" despite knowing that. From the binging you describe, would you say you are still in control of your drinking? I have to agree with another post and ask what you plan to DO to not drink this time. Talk is cheap, but getting into a rehab or attending your local AA meeting is truly taking action. You are no worse than any of us, but you have a deadly disease my friend - the same one I have. You have a future where you don't have to fight the desire to drink, but you have to take the first step. The other future just gets worse and worse... I pray the best for you. Just google "AA Where and When" to find your local meeting, if you decide it's time.