meandmydog

I'm in my early 40s, lost my job almost three months ago, and been battling to get sober for years (maybe 5). My last medical detox in the hospital they reminded me it was the 5th time in the past year and a half. I can't count how many home detoxes I've done too. Been to 4 or 5 rehabs.

I've been lying about my drinking for a couple months, hiding it (I live alone, except for my dog). I'm just going cold turkey, haven't been able to eat all day, which is normal for my detox. Feel horrible, shakes, no energy. I'll say that about the medical detox, the Ativan helps in these early days a lot with the physical symptoms.

The most amount of time I've accumulated is about 40 days. I've done AA but never had a sponsor.

I just feel so ashamed and humiliated so I am doing this alone. No drugs, just water and vitamins. Tonight will be a horrible attempt at sleeping.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Hevyn

Welcome to SR meandmydog. I never thought I could quit and stay quit - but after I joined this community, I found the courage to change my life. It was a huge relief to not feel alone anymore. I had no one to talk to about it - everyone I knew was a social drinker.

I hope you'll keep posting and reading here. It will help with the anxiety these first few days. I think you'll find the support you need - and we're glad you're here.

Olive1

Maybe you should give another meeting a try. You won't be alone, and the folks there know exactly what you are going through.

meandmydog

I appreciate your replies. I found this site and have been looking around to not feel quite so alone. I need to get over myself to get back to meetings and ask for help. Tonight I don't think I could physically manage a meeting.

Justfor1

mean, I have detoxed dozens of times in the hospital. They reminded me also that I had detoxed there a number of times. I don't care because I am sober today. I will get a huge bill in the mail though. Ativan always helped me also & I usually asked for it. Get better physically and then hit a AA meetings.

BlindsidedBetty

Do you have anyone who can help you through this? I think you should reach out to at least one person and ask for help this week. I'm a very proud person and would bet you are as well (maybe the leading trait of most drunks I've known), and I know it's hard, but isn't beating this demon back the most important thing you've got to do this summer, this year, this lifetime?

artsoul

Welcome meandog -

Glad you're here and have decided to get sober..... this can be the last time you have to go through this misery. Stick around - there's a ton of support here. Having a place to go 24/7 got me through those first rough days. You can do this!

Please be careful detoxing and get help if you need to.

Dee74

Hi meandmydog

Detox can sometimes be rough - even if we've done it a hundred times before.

Do think about some professional medical advice - especially if you feel unwell or concerned.

D

Nuudawn

Sending you a cyber hug for getting yourself through this day. It's been 5 days since my last drink and it's been my toughest thus far..this day I mean. I didn't struggle with detox issues other than emotional I guess. I've raged and cried today..due to a mixture of other things related to addiction...alcohol, cigarettes and a bad relationship. In general, just felt like a big loser today...and lethargic as hell. It was my day off..it was sunny and I really did nothing much but hang around SR...watch television and mope about. I'm sober though and I'm thinking that's a good thing.
Hope you stay with us ...hope I do

ru12

I'm sorry you are going through this again. I often asked myself why I kept drinking when I knew that I shouldn't. Sometimes it make no sense at all. Perhaps try AA again if it helps you. I know that I really liked being around other people that had a similar issue and were doing something positive about it.

JaylaaKent

Being alone is probably the worse thing to avoid staying sober. Unfortunately, my job causes me to work from home sometimes and our office is a ghost town. It's made my struggles worse - so now I'm personally thinking about doing volunteer with an animal shelter or habitat for humanity or united way. Again, being alone is the worst thing possible to stay recovered. Welcome -

meandmydog

That's crazy that you say that. I had the same situation in my job where we moved to work from home en mass about 4 years ago, so even if I went into the office, it would be nearly or completely empty. It was a little weird. I'm not blaming it, but I think it was difficult for me because I'm already very anti-social and I had at least some social interaction when we were all in the office.

I like the volunteering idea

meandmydog

Almost 6:00 AM, and I've had about a half hour sleep, after laying in bed for 5 hours. But, I was able to eat an orange this morning. Yea for food and keeping it down!

Olive1

Now go take the dog for a long walk. Take lots of deep breaths.
You can do this.

visch1

Hi. When I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I needed to put the bull crap aside and get honest with MYSELF about my drinking. Doing AA and being around AA don't usually cut it over time. Being involved is the way it works for good sobriety. Yes I heard I needed to do things I didn't like but had to man up and explore the word acceptance AND FOLLOW CERTAIN DIRECTIONS. After many years of having NO desire to drink life is very good even with the bumps. BE WELL