polaris

Coming towards the end of a 4 day weekend and still hammered, spent it all on a ridiculous binge. Its incredibly demoralizing. Im thinking perhaps that I need to quit the lies. Being in the Navy we do have avenues available to us, but who wants to admit to others we are sick? Im so use to having others joke about my drinking, and Im unsure how they are so aware. My blood pressure readings tend to be off the charts.

And you all know how scary it is to consider giving it up. I have a tendency towards being unhappy and bored...alcohol helps alleviate that somewhat. Im tired and feel like I never get any rest because when I get time off I get caught up in the drinking and dont get much sleep. I have some great friends that arent really drinkers, and they do want me to stop...you know how offensive it is when some suggest you drink too much. They are good people, its also hard dealing with the ones who are drinkers. I remember once sober on a Sunday morning showing up to a friends place. They had empty beer bottles all over the place and it made me feel...I wanted it of course. We went to the Zoo (the San Diego one, world renowned) and it seemed the drunk guys were having so much more fun. You ever see that video with Russell Brand where he expresses the fact that "the money, the sex, the fame, the women none of it mattered...Id rather be a drug addict today, but Im not because..."?

I still want to lie to myself and everyone else that I might have the ability to use in moderation. I also think part of my problem is the feeling of a lack of purpose. My father is a recovered alcoholic, but he had a family and stuff. The whole wife and kids thing doesnt interest me at all. So then...for who? Just ourselves? I want to be able to help others.

Is it possible to give it up without being resentful?

hypochondriac

That's some seriously dangerous thinking right there Polaris. What you have is an addiction, of course you will be miserable and bored sober if you keep thinking that alcohol fixed that. It really doesn't, it causes it. Yet we all cling on to the fantasy version of drinking for far too long if only to justify our habit. Getting rid of the myths around alcohol is how you manage to live without it resentment free.

Fallow

For me I felt resentful about things for a short period of time but after a while they vanished. If I wanted to drink nobody can stop me. If I could moderate I would have moderated a long time ago. Drinking is not as exciting or fun as it seems. Sobriety is not as boring as it seems. It took time sober for me to see the reality though.

I have a wife and child but I could not get sober for them. I do this for me and me only. I got sick of not being the man I wanted to be in all areas of my life. So I changed for myself. Everybody else already knew the score...

Tamerua

I drank even though I had a kid, so family isn't the answer. You have to do this for you. God, I do remember the being tired.... I would binge drink on the weekends and then recoup all week (if I wasn't drinking on weekdays and sometimes I was and would take a weekend day to recoup)... It is like that Bill Cosby act where he talks about being coming to work on Monday thankful that it is Monday.

Use the services available to you, like Fallow said, if we knew how to moderate, we all would have.

Good luck!

tomsteve

Is it possible to give it up without being resentful?

it reads like drinking isnt releasing the resentments, but,yes, its possible to live without alohol and resentments.

good to see ya want to help others, but if ya dont get sober for yourself, how can you stay sober?

awuh1

Refer yourself to the military’s Adapcp program. Be straight up honest with them and do exactly what they tell you to do. You’ll be OK.

Hevyn

Hi polaris. I'm sorry you're in misery over this - but glad you posted. I tried so many things, but coming here and sharing my pain and desperation helped more than anything. I was finally able to let go of it after decades of abusing it.

I was like Fallow - there was resentment early on, but it faded after I began to feel really good. It was wonderful to be free of the trap it put me in. I never thought I could let go of it - but I knew it was destroying me. After feeling sorry for myself for a short time, the emotions of joy and hope returned to me. You can do this, polaris.

Thank you for helping us to stay free by serving in the Navy.