jskool

I'm getting frustrated these days being the only one in my group of friends that doesn't drink and constantly getting pressured to "just have a beer." I've been sober now for 5 months and I really don't miss it, but when I hang out with people I find myself constantly explaining why I don't drink and they go on to justify drinking by saying only in moderation and other alcoholic bs. It's totally not cool and what really annoys me is when I tell them why I can't "just have a beer" they look at me like a dog being taught quantum mechanics.

First off one beer wouldn't even give me a buzz while ruining my integrity. Second off one beer turns into two, then a six pack, followed by mixed drinks, then shots, and before I know it I'm back to buying bottles of whiskey and drinking it alone in my apartment until I get hammered. No thanks!

After having been pressured I do get an urge to give in and have a beer, not for the feeling but to fit in. I've found that if I'm able to resist just long enough for the others to get drunk then I'm in the clear. Once I see how obnoxious people become my urge goes away. I know people say not to hang out with people who drink and I've thought of that but that's awfully extreme.

It's strange how when you become sober, even though what you've accomplished takes a great deal of strength, people have no problem making you feel inferior. They make comments like "your problem is..." and "you really did have a problem." I had a buddy say "why can't you be normal?" He was joking but to me it was not funny.

Well sorry for the long rant but I had to get that off my chest. Anyone else have the same problems? How do you deal with it?

Dee74

Hi and welcome jskool

Honestly? I changed my circle of friends.
All my friends by the end were drinking buddies - all we had in common was drinking.

I found other friends - some new some old - but all who supported my decision not to drink and for whom getting together was not just an occasion to get wasted.

Extreme? Not really.
I needed an extreme change.

D

jskool

Thanks for the response and for the welcome! I know you're probably right. I'm still adjusting to sobriety but I can already see myself drifting away. "Just another occasion wasted" is a really good way of putting it. The main thing keeping me going is the awesome feeling of freedom I have and the fact that my time isn't just being thrown away... At least time spent not hanging with drinkers.

visch1

Hi and hang in there. “Friends” are people who support my decisions. Most people accept being told “I don’t drink or don’t care too.” At the beginning I would say if pressed that I’ve become allergic to all alcohol because “I break out” not saying where. At this period of sobriety I was fortunate and did not hang with people who drank which eased that situation, AA became my true friend. BE WELL

bigsombrero

I found that alcohol and drinking really enhanced my socializing skills. All of a sudden I had new friends, ladies, and all sorts of fun trouble to get into and it revolved around beer and booze.

Today I have started creating sober memories which center around a different kind of fun. I travel, see new things, do things that SCARE me. Sober. My brain used to assume alcohol was the only way to cure my boredom. Now I get my "fix" by putting myself in new and sometimes uncomfy situations. Sometimes that means putting myself out there, meeting new people, going to new places and doing new things.

I hope you can also realize you do have the power to change your situation. As Dee said, try and make new friends. It's challenging and scary...but I think it's necessary. Good luck!!!@

ML78

I would make it clear that they are not to offer you a drink ever. if they cant respect you, distance yourself from these people. your sobriety and well being shouldn't be compromised for anyone or anything period.

jskool

You guys are definitely right. I need to be direct with them and tell them not to offer me drinks otherwise if they can't respect that then I need to reevaluate the legitimacy of our friendship.

Bigsombrero, it's funny you mention that. I've been looking into skateboarding again. I quit about 6 years ago and just recently I realized that was just when I started drinking heavy. Now that I've been sober my life has been going back to the way it was. I've even started doing things that I did before I took my first sip. Pretty cool!

Also my best friend, a drinker who respects my sobriety, and I have started getting into shooting trap which in case you don't know is just like skeet shooting but randomized. Really fun and definitely outside my comfort zone.

Johno1967

I wish I'd been sober through my 20's and 30's. I would have excelled in my short military career, traveled to more places and had once in a life time experiences that I could remember, I would have had heaps more success with women, got better grades at university and would be a lot fitter, happier and richer now. Nope, I chose booze and a misspent youth. In middle age I now look in the mirror and see a young man no more. Blew it. Best I can do is accept that and remind myself that everything I went through was for a reason and that I'm here as a result and the result is [I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

Look at the bright side. Your mates get sloshed, you get to pick up the hottest girl/guys/whateversyerfancy and you get to wet yourself laughing at the stupid things they do and say when they're drunk and then drive them where they need to go safely. A sober one in the group is like an asset. Who is going to talk the bouncers into letting you and your group into a night club? Who is going to drive the car when your best mate is too sloshed to drive his souped up corvette home? Who is going to convince a cop who's had too much "attitude" from a drunk friend that he's OK and you'll look after him? Who will be there to defuse a potential fight over some slight or bump or look? Who's going to have money in their pocket at the end of the week when every one else has spent theirs on booze? Ask yourself who's the winner in this picture and who's the loser? You're not a wet towel, you're a winner and a true friend if you stick to your sobriety.

MrTumble

The reasons I give are close to the truth, well they are the truth, but I dont give all the reasons. So when people ask me, I say booze give me really bad indigestion which lasts for days, which is true, I get stomach acid now from drinking, I also say I get really bad hangovers that make me feel wrecked and also that drinking makes me put on too much weight which I cant shift.

Another reason I give, which might not be applicable to you, is that my 4 year old gets me up at 7am most mornings and I feel like hell if I even have 1 drink, because 1 always leads to more

DarkDays

As above wish I had been sober in my 20s and 30s, god I would have done so much more.

Your freinds are brainwashed and conditioned, to enjoy anything they have to have alcoHELL, if anything you should feel pity and sad for them that they have to drink.

Your free and liberated from the trap, free to do whatever you want in a natural state. Grind it out. I myself do not care what others think of me because I am sober , they are deluded and in the most in denial. Have a look at the Jason Vale book on quitting drink some good stuff in there on other people drinking, it helped me immensely. Remember your the cool person for not drinking, they are the sheep .

sokil

I have the same problem with friends and I have just gone sober (again) and am kind of worried about it. Luckily I have a good friend who has never drank in his life who has given me a good example. He just says "I don't want one" and if people ask any more questions he says "Why do you care?" (sometimes in a more colorful way). I've noticed that puts people on the defensive and it usually stops there. I think the main thing is to be confident with your decision and yourself and make people respect you. As others have mentioned, if they take it any farther they are probably not friends at all or people you'd even have contact with in ten years time. If they are real friends they will continue to enjoy hanging out with you whether you're drinking or not.