Most days I don't miss it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
Most days I don't miss it
It's been almost 2 years. I never did get into AA, went several times the first few months, got a 3 month chip and then never went back. Just kept getting up in the morning and running every day and then not drinking each night. Over time there were more and more days that went by between the days that I thought about drinking. Many weeks I don't think about it at all. I know I am better off - much healthier physically.
It didn't fix all my problems though, that's for sure. Still the same insecurities, same stressors. Work/life balance is still hard to find. I just have to deal with the issues without alcohol now. So at least I don't drop off the deep end when trying to deal with problems.
I still have trouble figuring out what to do with myself late at night - so most nights I just go to sleep shortly after putting my daughter to sleep (I like to read, but I find that I get very sleepy when I read late at night). I've lost some friends who are big drinkers, not sure whether they decided not to hang out with me or vice versa but the end result is the same.
I am certain I made the right decision to stop drinking. But although I certainly don't miss the self-destructive behavior or fights with the hubby, I do miss the euphoric happiness that came with a good, fun night out, when I was making people laugh, dancing and singing, having a great time. Feels like I don't ever do that anymore.
Feeling low tonight. My daughter told me she wants Dad to read her stories every night because he's home and plays with her all the time, and I just work all the time (guess someone has to pay the bills). That didn't feel very nice at all. Used to be I rushed through stories to get back to my drink. Now she wouldn't care if I did.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Tomorrow will be another day, and hopefully a sunnier mood. Off to bed. Goodnight all, and good luck whatever challenges you are facing today.
It didn't fix all my problems though, that's for sure. Still the same insecurities, same stressors. Work/life balance is still hard to find. I just have to deal with the issues without alcohol now. So at least I don't drop off the deep end when trying to deal with problems.
I still have trouble figuring out what to do with myself late at night - so most nights I just go to sleep shortly after putting my daughter to sleep (I like to read, but I find that I get very sleepy when I read late at night). I've lost some friends who are big drinkers, not sure whether they decided not to hang out with me or vice versa but the end result is the same.
I am certain I made the right decision to stop drinking. But although I certainly don't miss the self-destructive behavior or fights with the hubby, I do miss the euphoric happiness that came with a good, fun night out, when I was making people laugh, dancing and singing, having a great time. Feels like I don't ever do that anymore.
Feeling low tonight. My daughter told me she wants Dad to read her stories every night because he's home and plays with her all the time, and I just work all the time (guess someone has to pay the bills). That didn't feel very nice at all. Used to be I rushed through stories to get back to my drink. Now she wouldn't care if I did.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Tomorrow will be another day, and hopefully a sunnier mood. Off to bed. Goodnight all, and good luck whatever challenges you are facing today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
You miss joy! My best friend and I discuss this frequently, her sober 20 years, me not even...but we both agree we miss euphoria, whether it came from crazy fun when we were sixteen, or just the right buzz at the right time...we often complain we have no joy in our lives (we're both in our early fifties...)
I don't know the answer, but I totally second that emotion! Maybe...euphoria isn't really happiness, but simple abandonment of reality? A Yeee-Ha feeling that was never really true? I still drink, and I can't find it either, so don't go back...but I surely get what you're feeling!
I don't know the answer, but I totally second that emotion! Maybe...euphoria isn't really happiness, but simple abandonment of reality? A Yeee-Ha feeling that was never really true? I still drink, and I can't find it either, so don't go back...but I surely get what you're feeling!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
I feel like I'm walking into a private conversation, but here goes...
I found that friendship and camaraderie in smaller groups within AA--similar interests outside of the meetings. Also, in sponsoring others, attending spiritual groups, lunches and coffees has helped me to meet new people. Concerts, outdoor events--all the things I used to fear because I couldn't drink? They're fair game, too. I was told that I am responsible for my own happiness and I am only now getting over the fear of humans...
Happiness, for me, requires outside stimuli. I used to think I was happy when I was simply burning up emotional energy. Conversely, joy comes from within and is based on a trusting and deep relationship with God as I understand Him. This is MY belief, so you can bash it if you wish, but if I need someone/something to make me happy, I'm still not free. Joy, for me, requires nothing. A contentment in who I am, where I am, living in a sense of gratitude, peace and love. Joy doesn't need noisemakers.
It's only as a result of taking the suggestions and then pursuing with great vigor a relationship with God in my spiritual quest. I'm pleased to report that I haven't stopped the quest and the answers just keep on flowing and my joy and freedom keeps growing. And I haven't found it necessary to get hammered in a very long time.
I found that friendship and camaraderie in smaller groups within AA--similar interests outside of the meetings. Also, in sponsoring others, attending spiritual groups, lunches and coffees has helped me to meet new people. Concerts, outdoor events--all the things I used to fear because I couldn't drink? They're fair game, too. I was told that I am responsible for my own happiness and I am only now getting over the fear of humans...
Happiness, for me, requires outside stimuli. I used to think I was happy when I was simply burning up emotional energy. Conversely, joy comes from within and is based on a trusting and deep relationship with God as I understand Him. This is MY belief, so you can bash it if you wish, but if I need someone/something to make me happy, I'm still not free. Joy, for me, requires nothing. A contentment in who I am, where I am, living in a sense of gratitude, peace and love. Joy doesn't need noisemakers.
It's only as a result of taking the suggestions and then pursuing with great vigor a relationship with God in my spiritual quest. I'm pleased to report that I haven't stopped the quest and the answers just keep on flowing and my joy and freedom keeps growing. And I haven't found it necessary to get hammered in a very long time.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
The euphoric feeling you have after a night of drinking is short-lived and artificial. But it's that feeling that I chased after for 25 years. And I never got that feeling back in the last 10 years of my drinking. Pretty sick thinking on my behalf...that's the alcoholism. It's in getting into spiritual principles and learning to live a happy, joyous and free life that brings me to a place that isn't artificial and short-lived. Instead of huge spikes of joy and depression, I have a more level level of contentment. I still get spikes of joy, and I get the occasional feeling of being down now and again (not often), but life is much calmer, enjoyable and I get real, deep down joy. Not stuff from a bottle. It's amazing how much I can get out of small things even. I can get so much out of helping someone else out.
I don't know what it is you can do at night. That is something that will come from you. But feeling a sense of being deprived or that you are missing out on something still means to me that maybe you aren't done yet. Or that there still needs a shift in perception and thinking. It difficult for me to find joy and happiness in life if I feel that I am missing out on something big in my life. I had to realize completely and utterly that alcohol brings nothing but pain and hardship and that it can mean the end of my life. Period.
I hope you find joy in a new day and in the small things in life. It's all out there - you just need to want to find it
I don't know what it is you can do at night. That is something that will come from you. But feeling a sense of being deprived or that you are missing out on something still means to me that maybe you aren't done yet. Or that there still needs a shift in perception and thinking. It difficult for me to find joy and happiness in life if I feel that I am missing out on something big in my life. I had to realize completely and utterly that alcohol brings nothing but pain and hardship and that it can mean the end of my life. Period.
I hope you find joy in a new day and in the small things in life. It's all out there - you just need to want to find it
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
something to be grateful for
Originally Posted by ADaisyifyoudo 
But although I certainly don't miss the self-destructive behavior or fights with the hubby,
My daughter told me she wants Dad to read her stories every night because he's home and plays with her all the time
something to be grateful for
you still have your husband and daughter in your life
after attending AA for many years I must say
most old drunks have been through at least a family or two
some three or four
the wreckage of these types of pasts
can be all so very painful
you may look at your cup as being half full
onehigherpower
you still have your husband and daughter in your life
after attending AA for many years I must say
most old drunks have been through at least a family or two
some three or four
the wreckage of these types of pasts
can be all so very painful
you may look at your cup as being half full
onehigherpower
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
One Cool Thing
When I stopped drinking, things got real boring. I would find out later that it was because I wasn't creating all the drama and havoc, but I suddenly found myself with a LOT of extra time--that time I used to spend drinking and thinking...
So I took up exercising (in moderation as I can get hooked on anything that makes me feel good), reading (I've got a substantial read-list of AA and non-AA approved literature if you'd like it), and family. The last has been the toughest because where I USED to push them away so I could "drink in peace," they'd become quite accustomed to me not being there.
Trust God, clean house, and help others and the answers will come when your house is in order... And try a gratitude day--just one day a month where you are determined to wrench some joy from the jaws of tedium--all day long. It'll become a pursuit you'll look forward to...
My sponsor said, "Start the day by asking God to please show you One Cool Thing." You get to determine what that cool thing is, but ask--and then make it your business to look for it. I struggled to find just one at first, but now (when I look) there are so many miracles of the day right before me I get overwhelmed with gratitude. It's hard to pick when the cup runneth over, you know?
Once you've found One Cool Thing, and again, YOU determine what's cool, capture that in your mind and go back to being restless, irritable and discontent if you like, but before you close your eyes at night, recall that One Cool Thing and say, "Thanks, God."
This became the foundation of my recovery and I would later find out that it's is the core of my sobriety. If I can only do ONE thing for my sobriety, a, 'please' in the morning and a, 'thank-you' at night are essential to keeping in touch (and out of me) for the day.
So I took up exercising (in moderation as I can get hooked on anything that makes me feel good), reading (I've got a substantial read-list of AA and non-AA approved literature if you'd like it), and family. The last has been the toughest because where I USED to push them away so I could "drink in peace," they'd become quite accustomed to me not being there.
Trust God, clean house, and help others and the answers will come when your house is in order... And try a gratitude day--just one day a month where you are determined to wrench some joy from the jaws of tedium--all day long. It'll become a pursuit you'll look forward to...
My sponsor said, "Start the day by asking God to please show you One Cool Thing." You get to determine what that cool thing is, but ask--and then make it your business to look for it. I struggled to find just one at first, but now (when I look) there are so many miracles of the day right before me I get overwhelmed with gratitude. It's hard to pick when the cup runneth over, you know?
Once you've found One Cool Thing, and again, YOU determine what's cool, capture that in your mind and go back to being restless, irritable and discontent if you like, but before you close your eyes at night, recall that One Cool Thing and say, "Thanks, God."
This became the foundation of my recovery and I would later find out that it's is the core of my sobriety. If I can only do ONE thing for my sobriety, a, 'please' in the morning and a, 'thank-you' at night are essential to keeping in touch (and out of me) for the day.
Last edited by skg; 04-12-2013 at 06:53 AM. Reason: Locked Up Machine
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
Originally Posted by skg
My sponsor said, "Start the day by asking God to please show you One Cool Thing." You get to determine what that cool thing is, but ask--and then make it your business to look for it. I struggled to find just one at first, but now (when I look) there are so many miracles of the day right before me I get overwhelmed with gratitude. It's hard to pick when the cup runneth over, you know?
Once you've found One Cool Thing, and again, YOU determine what's cool, capture that in your mind and go back to being restless, irritable and discontent if you like, but before you close your eyes at night, recall that One Cool Thing and say, "Thanks, God."
Once you've found One Cool Thing, and again, YOU determine what's cool, capture that in your mind and go back to being restless, irritable and discontent if you like, but before you close your eyes at night, recall that One Cool Thing and say, "Thanks, God."
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I do miss the euphoric happiness that came with a good, fun night out, when I was making people laugh, dancing and singing, having a great time.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
First, thank you all for some really thoughtful, and thought-provoking, input and support. I know I'm not done yet with my journey. And I also know that I have MANY things to be grateful for - so many that when I do feel down I frequently hear my inner voice saying "you have NOTHING to complain about - just quit whining and be thankful for all you have."
The loneliness and depression does still come sometimes, less often, for sure, and I am never sure what triggers it. The past few weeks have been hard. There's a lot of stress at work, which could be contributing to it. Everything else is fine, really, so I can't explain why small things seem much harder than they should.
Dee, it's not that I think I can't find that euphoric happiness sober, it's just that I haven't, yet. There are moments with my daughter, sometimes laughter with my husband, where it's there, right at the edge of the room. It's like the stars at the periphery that you can only see when you don't look right at them. Maybe that's the secret? Once you stop looking so hard for it, it will come?
Anyway, I'll continue the journey. I'm headed to Mt Rainier in 6 weeks to celebrate 2 years. Hoping the thin air will open some space in my head for clear thoughts.
Thanks again.
The loneliness and depression does still come sometimes, less often, for sure, and I am never sure what triggers it. The past few weeks have been hard. There's a lot of stress at work, which could be contributing to it. Everything else is fine, really, so I can't explain why small things seem much harder than they should.
Dee, it's not that I think I can't find that euphoric happiness sober, it's just that I haven't, yet. There are moments with my daughter, sometimes laughter with my husband, where it's there, right at the edge of the room. It's like the stars at the periphery that you can only see when you don't look right at them. Maybe that's the secret? Once you stop looking so hard for it, it will come?
Anyway, I'll continue the journey. I'm headed to Mt Rainier in 6 weeks to celebrate 2 years. Hoping the thin air will open some space in my head for clear thoughts.
Thanks again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I found that joy was there all the time - but I was either looking too hard for it in the beginning, or then...I was too scared to feel it, at least feel it too much.
Does that make sense to you?
D
Does that make sense to you?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
Yes, Dee, that does make sense. It's there. Like I said, I see it in the corners. Perhaps I just need more practice opening up to the feeling. Home tonight, very happy to be here after a week away. And I did find a little bit of joy when I discovered that someone had saved me a corner of the 7 layer bars I made before I left :-)
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