bnmbh

Hey guys im back again.. I feel so ashamed with my behavior. I wake up every day hung over telling my self today is the the day u will get sober. As the day goes on and my hang over slowly goes away i find every reason to drink..I feel so alone and lost. I have alienated my self from all my friends cause im ashamed for them to see me in this shape.. My family is very supportive they know what im fighting.. Im so sad disgusted and ashamed. I dont know if i will ever beat this...

Recovery1983

I hear you bnmbh. I know all your emotions and actions all too well. I'm just finishing day 2, and wanting to use/drink has been on my mind almost every minute. I'm coming from another relapse, and I just want all this pain to disappear. I dont have a magic pill or solution. In fact, the insanity of it all has led me to some bad thoughts. I've just been hanging out on this website for the last 2 days.

Geek033113

I wish that I could give you some grand words of encouragement but nothing I say will be jaw dropping or awe inspiring. I was there so many times. Covering up my red eyes and rot gut breath with eye drops and breath mints. I would be sick from being hung over and as soon as it wore off I'd be pouring anther glass.

My health is why I made a decision to quit that and just looking at myself in the mirror. I just finally had to say, NO. It's only been a week but I have made it this far. I still haven't told my family yet. I don't want to hear their words of encouragement or doubt. I also don't want to see their disappointed faces if I fail.

I've got to do this for me. I've got to keep telling myself that I am more important than a drink. I'm telling myself, 'I can do this. I am strong enough, My will is stronger than my desire.'

I haven't been able to sleep this week. I have been really gittery too. They say this will go away and I chose to believe them because they have been through it before.

Just know, that every time you pour that next drink, there are a thousand of us out here watching you, wishing a better life for you, and knowing how hard this is.

You've got to give yourself a day 1...then 2...then 3. It has to be your choice.

artsoul

I wondered the same thing myself, bnmbh. I'd wake up vowing to never drink again and by evening I was pouring another glass of wine.

It's a miserable way to live, I know. I think I finally realized fully that I was an alcoholic and the future wasn't going to get any better unless I put sobriety first above everything else, no matter what.

It's not easy, but it's worth it. You can do this!

Coldfusion

Hi, bnmbh, it's good you came back!

I had to go away for a week to detox to start my recovery, then commit to a program to keep myself on track. How much do you want recovery? What are you willing to do?

bnmbh

Thats the million dollar ? I wake ready to be sober.. Telling my self u can do this.. Then the day drags on and i drink.. Thank u all for ur support... I will keep coming here and posting.. I have to get this.. I know I'm slowly killing my self. I just want the life i deserve but cant seem to obtain..

JillyJill74

I do the exact same thing. Everyday I say, I'm not going to drink or throw out what I have hidden or not buy anymore and there I go again. I know I have more self control than this and it is killing me mentally and physically. I find myself coming back here to look at the boards as well. That must be a positive step.

deeker

Well bn, at least you have that desire! Don't beat yourself up. Just make a commitment to come here everyday. You may want to consider AA. You will really find a lot of hope there. It's scary walking in but the hope you walk out with with far outweigh the fear you walked in with.

Ohhh and go look at the 24 hour club thread. There are lots of us taking this 24 hours at a time. Please sign up. We all want to encourage you in SR!! You can do this. Tomorrow is a new day. Reach out for help before you pick up that drink. Come in to this Forum and post a thread " I need help now I do not want to drink"

Trust me you will get some support!!! You can do this, most of us have struggled, and you are not alone anymore!!

bnmbh

I have had a weird pain in my lower stomach for weeks.. Everbody said go to dr. but i didn't. My sister told me it could be a kidney stone. Well today i was urinating and i passed a lil tiny rock stone etc.. I know i should see a dr. but do any of u have any info if this is due to constant alcohol abuse? It was weird cause for the last 3 weeks or so whenever i had to urinate i hade crazy pains n constant burning. Such a relief when it passed. Any way i need to see dr. just thought i would ask.. THank u all for support gonna get it right sooner or later..