deeker

Today I have discovered that the turning point in the process of me growing up was, when I realized that the strength inside of me came from all the pain and hurt I suffered in the past.

It truly made me a stronger person and I am grateful for it, because without it I would never appreciate the very smallest things in life today that I always took for granted.


Today I can talk about my past failures without apologizing. I never thought that day would come.

I never thought the shame would completely dissipate.

For the most part it truly has. There was a time when I thought I would never want to ever visit the past, there was a time when I only dwelled on the past.

Now it is time to visit the past yet not dwell over the past. Visiting my past only makes me realize my true presence in the here and now. I am here today, I am in this moment. I am not trying to escape it. I am enjoying this very moment.

I am ok! I am really ok. I am sober and clean. I am actually looking forward to doing things in my life that I just may fail at. I am no longer paralyzed and held in bondage by my addiction.

In the Movie 'The Shawshank Redemption" Red says "We can get busy living or we can get busy dying".


For the most part of the last 37 years I was busy dying. By the Grace of God my life is starting over at age 51.

I am starting the next 1/2 of my life clean and sober and
living for God. My grama lived to 100, just died before Christmas. I just may live out those 50 years, wouldn't it be wonderful living those years sober.


That's 18,262 days. If I take it one day at a time I just may make it. It's funny to think that when I am in a retirement home one day that we will all be listening to Mick Jagger or Van Halen.

Sorry don't know where those silly thoughts come from but I know it's a place of joy! So Grateful to be clean and sober!