Only 2 weeks in and can't believe what I was missing.....my husband....
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Only 2 weeks in and can't believe what I was missing.....my husband....
This is not my first attempt at sobriety. It is really only my second but the motivation to stop this time was vastly different. I know I cannot drink. I know it will cost me everything dear to me and I cannot live with the pain of losing everything dear to me while fighting for it is within MY control.
I know with certainty my husband (who loves me truly and completely) would have left me had I kept on. We have a little boy and as much as my husband loves me - with his entire being - he would have left me to protect our son from being raised by a drunk mom. He works away from home 50% of the time and he would have had no choice but to protect him. I could feel my husband pulling away from me....feel his love for me fading...and I could see a sadness in his eyes when he looked at me. Even drunk I could see it.
We are just over two weeks in. I expected many of the *perks* - clear eyes, reduced puffiness, waking in the morning without GUILT...but the biggest perk is the one that I know will carry me through the hardest days.
The connection with my husband. The connection I didn't realize we had lost. Being PRESENT and full of my senses when we talk, touch and lay in one another's arms. I cannot believe that I didn't even realize how much drinking was taking from me each and every single night. We have been married for 12 years and we are falling in love all over again.
Go to hell Alcoholic Me.... I'm not letting go of this for ANYTHING.
I know with certainty my husband (who loves me truly and completely) would have left me had I kept on. We have a little boy and as much as my husband loves me - with his entire being - he would have left me to protect our son from being raised by a drunk mom. He works away from home 50% of the time and he would have had no choice but to protect him. I could feel my husband pulling away from me....feel his love for me fading...and I could see a sadness in his eyes when he looked at me. Even drunk I could see it.
We are just over two weeks in. I expected many of the *perks* - clear eyes, reduced puffiness, waking in the morning without GUILT...but the biggest perk is the one that I know will carry me through the hardest days.
The connection with my husband. The connection I didn't realize we had lost. Being PRESENT and full of my senses when we talk, touch and lay in one another's arms. I cannot believe that I didn't even realize how much drinking was taking from me each and every single night. We have been married for 12 years and we are falling in love all over again.
Go to hell Alcoholic Me.... I'm not letting go of this for ANYTHING.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday 
This is not my first attempt at sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Thanks for the love! I really do come here many many times per day for strength and inspiration and I truly appreciate the responses. Deeker - yes and no - It became very difficult to time my hobbies/sports around my lover - the bottle. The sick part is that I used to love how many liquid calories 2 hours on my roadbike or on the ski trails would buy me. I can only imagine how much more efficient I would be without the drag of the drink. It has affected me more and more - I go in less races every year and chalk it up to being too busy. Truth be known any activities that cut into my evening ritual had to either be slotted into a different time in the day or (more often than not - especially in the last 2 years) get skipped altogether.
We live in a very very active community where the phone rings almost daily with invites to skin the ski hill or run/ski some trails. We ride with a xc mountainbike group throughout the summer and I'm never at a loss for a buddy to go get a workout in. My husband is in fantastic shape and is an incredible athlete.
I look forward to being a force to be reckoned with in the races this summer!!!!
Best of luck to you deeker - hold on to the hope and don't let it go.
We live in a very very active community where the phone rings almost daily with invites to skin the ski hill or run/ski some trails. We ride with a xc mountainbike group throughout the summer and I'm never at a loss for a buddy to go get a workout in. My husband is in fantastic shape and is an incredible athlete.
I look forward to being a force to be reckoned with in the races this summer!!!!
Best of luck to you deeker - hold on to the hope and don't let it go.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
Thanks for sharing and the warm fuzzies! 
My relationship is different to yours as far as commitment, family and length of time are concerned, but I can definitely relate; It's a beautiful thing to be intimate, emotionally present, honest, open and vulnerable with someone you share your life with
My guy and I have only been in a relationship a short time, but in comparison to my ex, we are on the same page with values, priorities and I endeavour to do my best to express my gratitude for his presence, kindness, patience, humour and all-round just being him He does the same from his end. I think I'll call him tonight and let him know I've been thinking about him and that he's a cool cat :P
Xx
My relationship is different to yours as far as commitment, family and length of time are concerned, but I can definitely relate; It's a beautiful thing to be intimate, emotionally present, honest, open and vulnerable with someone you share your life with
My guy and I have only been in a relationship a short time, but in comparison to my ex, we are on the same page with values, priorities and I endeavour to do my best to express my gratitude for his presence, kindness, patience, humour and all-round just being him
He does the same from his end. I think I'll call him tonight and let him know I've been thinking about him and that he's a cool cat :P Xx
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
My greatest ally in my sobriety has been my wife. Ironically, she was the one that I feared most in telling about my alcoholism. I thought she would divorce me. I thought she would freak out. I had a lot of preconceived ideas on how she would react. There was anger, of course, and we had a time of separation while I worked on recovery and she sorted out things on her side, but the relationship is the strongest, and most honest, it has ever been.
So I totally understand what you say, trbd. It's a wonderful thing, isn't it? Thanks for the wonderful post
So I totally understand what you say, trbd. It's a wonderful thing, isn't it? Thanks for the wonderful post
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 130
Congratulations Trail! I too felt my husband fading away, and during my last binge I truly thought I had lost it all. I have less time sober than you, but reading your post gives me hope that it does get better. Thanks.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday
Thanks for the love!
Best of luck to you deeker - hold on to the hope and don't let it go.
Best of luck to you deeker - hold on to the hope and don't let it go.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
How did I manage to forget this?????
Today is Day#1. Again.
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday
This is not my first attempt at sobriety. It is really only my second but the motivation to stop this time was vastly different. I know I cannot drink. I know it will cost me everything dear to me and I cannot live with the pain of losing everything dear to me while fighting for it is within MY control.
I know with certainty my husband (who loves me truly and completely) would have left me had I kept on. We have a little boy and as much as my husband loves me - with his entire being - he would have left me to protect our son from being raised by a drunk mom. He works away from home 50% of the time and he would have had no choice but to protect him. I could feel my husband pulling away from me....feel his love for me fading...and I could see a sadness in his eyes when he looked at me. Even drunk I could see it.
We are just over two weeks in. I expected many of the *perks* - clear eyes, reduced puffiness, waking in the morning without GUILT...but the biggest perk is the one that I know will carry me through the hardest days.
The connection with my husband. The connection I didn't realize we had lost. Being PRESENT and full of my senses when we talk, touch and lay in one another's arms. I cannot believe that I didn't even realize how much drinking was taking from me each and every single night. We have been married for 12 years and we are falling in love all over again.
Go to hell Alcoholic Me.... I'm not letting go of this for ANYTHING.
I know with certainty my husband (who loves me truly and completely) would have left me had I kept on. We have a little boy and as much as my husband loves me - with his entire being - he would have left me to protect our son from being raised by a drunk mom. He works away from home 50% of the time and he would have had no choice but to protect him. I could feel my husband pulling away from me....feel his love for me fading...and I could see a sadness in his eyes when he looked at me. Even drunk I could see it.
We are just over two weeks in. I expected many of the *perks* - clear eyes, reduced puffiness, waking in the morning without GUILT...but the biggest perk is the one that I know will carry me through the hardest days.
The connection with my husband. The connection I didn't realize we had lost. Being PRESENT and full of my senses when we talk, touch and lay in one another's arms. I cannot believe that I didn't even realize how much drinking was taking from me each and every single night. We have been married for 12 years and we are falling in love all over again.
Go to hell Alcoholic Me.... I'm not letting go of this for ANYTHING.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Deluxe thanks but if you read the post above yours you will see it is from me....I am on day 1 again and my husband is with me...but only by a thread. He is close to leaving.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday
Deluxe thanks but if you read the post above yours you will see it is from me....I am on day 1 again and my husband is with me...but only by a thread. He is close to leaving.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
Hey trailrunrbyday my advice to you is you realise what you have to lose and the next time you feel like drinking read this thread. When I read your initial posts I got a really happy and warm feeling because I felt so happy for you that you have what you want in life. Don't get down about it though because no one is perfect. You obviously have great will power to stay sober for the length you did and you are an inspiration to someone like me who has never lasted longer than a week. Concentrate on feeling better you shouldn't be so hard on yourself it's obvious you are surrounded by love and have support. I will pray for you tonight before I sleep and I hope that will give you positive vibes.
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