Somebody please help me my ex signed my child up for gymnastics at my ex-bar.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Somebody please help me my ex signed my child up for gymnastics at my ex-bar.
I have been sober almost a month. I have been working so hard and I am so angry that the place my ex decides to sign our child up for gymnastics is a huge well known bar/club in our area in PA (Turners).
He did NOT ask. He only has 40 percent custody and when I asked him why he would do such a thing without asking his mother (keep in mind he had NO parental rights due to his cocaine and alcohol habit for the first three years) This man was never around. This man was a severe alcoholic. I called him a month ago to come get my child when I was sick and he was "too drunk".
As for gymnastics? He said "too bad, my mom paid. We will not get our money back so suck it up." He hung up on me.
I have actually fallen off a bar stool and cracked my head so hard I went into seizures in this bar/club years back. I DO NOT want my child in this club! Please help?! My sobriety was going so well. I am not doing well with this. Out of all the places he couldve taken her.. why here?
He did NOT ask. He only has 40 percent custody and when I asked him why he would do such a thing without asking his mother (keep in mind he had NO parental rights due to his cocaine and alcohol habit for the first three years) This man was never around. This man was a severe alcoholic. I called him a month ago to come get my child when I was sick and he was "too drunk".
As for gymnastics? He said "too bad, my mom paid. We will not get our money back so suck it up." He hung up on me.
I have actually fallen off a bar stool and cracked my head so hard I went into seizures in this bar/club years back. I DO NOT want my child in this club! Please help?! My sobriety was going so well. I am not doing well with this. Out of all the places he couldve taken her.. why here?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
Wow, I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this right now. I do not have any children but I can only imagine the level of frustration you must feel having someone you love so dearly put into this negative environment.
It seems that, at the most basic level, there are two possible avenues that you can go down. The first, most desirable path would be to make sure that your child is not placed in this environment at all. Do you have any relationship with the grandmother? Perhaps if she knew that the environment at Turner's was inappropriate for a child she would side with you in this matter. You indicate that this man is not willing to reason with you, but if there is any chance that he might, would it be worth trying? You also mention that he has 40% custody... would you be able to get the law involved or is he legally within bounds in making the decision he has made? If not, then clearly you should contact law enforcement.
The other, less desirable alternative, is that you will have to manage having your child in this environment as best you can. I take it that you do not trust yourself to be present without relapsing. Do you have any friends or relatives who might be able to supervise the activities your child is involved in? Or maybe an employee at Turner's?
I hope you find a solution for this, and I wish you the best in your recovery.
It seems that, at the most basic level, there are two possible avenues that you can go down. The first, most desirable path would be to make sure that your child is not placed in this environment at all. Do you have any relationship with the grandmother? Perhaps if she knew that the environment at Turner's was inappropriate for a child she would side with you in this matter. You indicate that this man is not willing to reason with you, but if there is any chance that he might, would it be worth trying? You also mention that he has 40% custody... would you be able to get the law involved or is he legally within bounds in making the decision he has made? If not, then clearly you should contact law enforcement.
The other, less desirable alternative, is that you will have to manage having your child in this environment as best you can. I take it that you do not trust yourself to be present without relapsing. Do you have any friends or relatives who might be able to supervise the activities your child is involved in? Or maybe an employee at Turner's?
I hope you find a solution for this, and I wish you the best in your recovery.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I am starting to sober up at 7:40AM. His mother is pretty rough, he is the same. They are both alcoholics. I had a week and a half under my belt and I blew it all last night. This is such a strange state. We have clubs where people bring their kids to bowl, play soccer, do gymnastics while mommy and daddy are getting wasted. When did this all start? SOI, Turners, The cro club, there are so many. Why is this ok in PA?
I don't like my daughter learning gymnastics while I am at a bar. Not like it will be the norm. But I did blow a week and a half of sobriety on frustration and anger on it! Its a trigger....
I don't like my daughter learning gymnastics while I am at a bar. Not like it will be the norm. But I did blow a week and a half of sobriety on frustration and anger on it! Its a trigger....
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
You didn't blow a week and a half's sobriety. Yes,,,you have to start again. But we all know this ain't easy.
The #1 thing you can do is not to drink. Drinking doesn't solve anything,it just creates MORE problems. If we stay sober the problems don't go away. Life goes on. But we know we made our decisions with a clear head and setting good examples,as opposed to making hungover or drunk decisions.
There are a lot of things we can't control in life. But the best thing we can do is focus on the things that we CAN control. The rest will fall into place.
I wish you the best...
Fred
The #1 thing you can do is not to drink. Drinking doesn't solve anything,it just creates MORE problems. If we stay sober the problems don't go away. Life goes on. But we know we made our decisions with a clear head and setting good examples,as opposed to making hungover or drunk decisions.
There are a lot of things we can't control in life. But the best thing we can do is focus on the things that we CAN control. The rest will fall into place.
I wish you the best...
Fred
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
Originally Posted by behindblueyes 
And yes I have relapsed over this. I wasted my sobriety over this man, he has ruined my life over and over. He seems to seek out the worst. Every time I get sober he finds something to ruin it.
it is hard to hear that but it is the truth.
i know you have to deal with him because of your child but try to move past it.
One thing you could do is if you suspect him drunk with your kid call Child Protective Services. Take the action.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
You can stay sober through this! Life happens. Divorces are ugly, especially for the kids. This is an excellent opportunity to show your daughter what sobriety can do for her parent(s). Does the gymnastics instructor allow parents to watch? Maybe instead of sitting in the bar area, you could just sit and watch and enjoy her having fun. If not, you could always just drop her off and come back for her later. Or join a car pool.
If you are having trouble co-parenting about major decisions, maybe this can be added to any custody agreement you have. I know several people who have "extra-curriculars" and how parents will handle them in their custody agreements. Extra-curriculars can be tricky issues because they involve a lot of time, effort, and money for both parents and can influence the kids socially, physically, and academically. There's a lot to consider. I personally don't think you should punish her for her father's behavior by pulling her out of gymnastics, though. Maybe if it's still a trigger for you and she really likes it, you can move her to a different program after her sessions are up? But these are all just ideas I'm offering, obviously not every possible solution.
I've found there are lots of solutions to problems when I can calm down and think. Being sober definitely helps with that! I'm sure you will be able to find the best solution for your daughter.
If you are having trouble co-parenting about major decisions, maybe this can be added to any custody agreement you have. I know several people who have "extra-curriculars" and how parents will handle them in their custody agreements. Extra-curriculars can be tricky issues because they involve a lot of time, effort, and money for both parents and can influence the kids socially, physically, and academically. There's a lot to consider. I personally don't think you should punish her for her father's behavior by pulling her out of gymnastics, though. Maybe if it's still a trigger for you and she really likes it, you can move her to a different program after her sessions are up? But these are all just ideas I'm offering, obviously not every possible solution.
I've found there are lots of solutions to problems when I can calm down and think. Being sober definitely helps with that! I'm sure you will be able to find the best solution for your daughter.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I would just not take your child.
Its their problem they paid without asking your permission.
Just because the fee's have been paid does not mean you have to attend.
Don't drink over it.
And don't let him speak to you like that again.
And when he asks why your child is not there, just tell him that you do not think the venue is appropriate and that he can suck that up.
Its their problem they paid without asking your permission.
Just because the fee's have been paid does not mean you have to attend.
Don't drink over it.
And don't let him speak to you like that again.
And when he asks why your child is not there, just tell him that you do not think the venue is appropriate and that he can suck that up.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
I have been sober almost a month. I have been working so hard and I am so angry that the place my ex decides to sign our child up for gymnastics is a huge well known bar/club in our area in PA (Turners).
He did NOT ask. He only has 40 percent custody and when I asked him why he would do such a thing without asking his mother (keep in mind he had NO parental rights due to his cocaine and alcohol habit for the first three years) This man was never around. This man was a severe alcoholic. I called him a month ago to come get my child when I was sick and he was "too drunk".
As for gymnastics? He said "too bad, my mom paid. We will not get our money back so suck it up." He hung up on me.
I have actually fallen off a bar stool and cracked my head so hard I went into seizures in this bar/club years back. I DO NOT want my child in this club! Please help?! My sobriety was going so well. I am not doing well with this. Out of all the places he couldve taken her.. why here?
He did NOT ask. He only has 40 percent custody and when I asked him why he would do such a thing without asking his mother (keep in mind he had NO parental rights due to his cocaine and alcohol habit for the first three years) This man was never around. This man was a severe alcoholic. I called him a month ago to come get my child when I was sick and he was "too drunk".
As for gymnastics? He said "too bad, my mom paid. We will not get our money back so suck it up." He hung up on me.
I have actually fallen off a bar stool and cracked my head so hard I went into seizures in this bar/club years back. I DO NOT want my child in this club! Please help?! My sobriety was going so well. I am not doing well with this. Out of all the places he couldve taken her.. why here?
This may be a matter for your attorney. As far as I know children are not allowed in bars serving only alcohol. So if this a club like that I would suppose your Ex is A-OK with this cause he can drink while she works out. Then drive her home- while he is Drunk. Her safety is at issue.
Th, since he was denied custody for his alcoholism, this would seem to be in direct violation of any custody agreement. It sounds like you would have legal
recourse.
....and WTH kinda places do they have in Pa. Bars/childrens gymnastics--ODD COMBINATION....and I am originally from Pa.
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