tipp1103

what areas of your controlling others do see as harmful?

Dee74

you're not trying to get us to do your homework for ya, are ya Tipp?

D

instant

I,ll go for E "all of the above"

john44

Really. All of the above. BUT. The biggest thing I've found that is harmful about being controlling is the inevitable frustration it causes ME. Things just go much more smoothly when I just let things take their natural course. It took me a long time to really grasp the Serenity Prayer.

coraltint

every area that I try it

tipp1103

no just trying to see other peoples point of view on some questions that i have been asked

sugarbear1

go to an AA meeting and go out for coffee afterwards and have a face to face chat with others.....ask them.....

awuh1

Personally I don’t think it’s possible to control people. I believe that it’s only an illusion. People make their own decisions. We can sometimes influence those decisions, but only to a degree. For some individuals this influence gives them the illusion of control. But this is a distortion made by mistaking influence for control. This illusion often feeds on itself as it is based on the person’s own fears.

People who wish to exert control over others should closely examine their own fears. Unfortunately, this is very difficult for many to do, yet those that manage it often find their own freedom.

Gal220

Maybe if you shared a little bit about how you think it applies to you and then asked for others' input they would be more willing to respond. There is a certain give and take here.

This question is really personal and can have a lot of varied answers. My attempts to control other people or situations stem from my fear and selfishness. I want things to go my way. This can manifest itself in a lot of different ways, from being physically controlling, violent, and argumentative, to more subtle manipulation like lying, being passive aggressive, excessive shyness, or even pouting or giving someone the "silent treatment".

Personally, I've been a people-pleaser since I was a kid. I try to get people to approve of me, and unfortunately spend a lot of time and mental energy trying to figure out what the "right" thing to say or do is. I have a difficult time being genuine and honest with people, as I don't always know what's appropriate in different social situations. It took me a long time to realize that I was attempting to manipulate others. Ultimately, I drank because I couldn't control my life, and this caused me a lot of harm. And that's why I'm here!

I hope you find what you're looking for.

2granddaughters

You'll have to ask them .... I was/am blind to most of my defects/shortcomings.

When it came time to do my Step 4 inventory I couldn't think about much to write... my wife and son helped me get started

All the best.

Bob R

Received

hahaa! Love this. That must have been an eye opening experience!

When I was in AA (early on), my sponsor strongly discouraged me asking other people what they really thought of me. However, I was a rebellious little thing back then and thought her suggestion was just silly.

Holy smokes! I asked one person and came running back to my sponsor bawling my eyes out. She gave the "I TOLD YOU" hairy eyeball.

hahaaa!

tomsteve

all of it.

Bigndfan175

Perfect

Johno1967

I just asked my 8 and 10 years old to do something. Kids being what they are today, think they listened? I used to "spit the dummy" if I didn't get my way with people. Now I realize I have virtually no control over anything, least of all my own addiction. Ultimately even fear is no control. Any sense of control is an illusion and simply causes suffering. Why are we seeing one authoritarian government / dictatorship falling after the other? People hate to be controlled. Heck, I cannot even control my own thoughts for more than 5 minutes.