LittleNina

Well, today was Day 7.

And, while I am excited about that, I am really starting to realize that I need people. People who have been there and can truly relate. I don't know anyone else who is an alcoholic or an addict. I am the only person I know who cannot drink a glass of wine without ending up at the liquor store to buy a bottle. Then drink that whole bottle. Then go get another bottle. Etc.

I am feeling great; without a doubt sobriety feels much better than using, but without support I can see that this will be very challenging indeed.

But I am wary of AA. Mostly it's because of where I live. People here are miserable and incredibly judgemental. Hateful even. South Philly- never ever move here, please. They hate everyone. I cannot imagine being welcomed or supported by people like this. And, I've never been comfortable with the whole 'powerlessness' concept. I believe that I do have power over my own life, and that is exactly how I will remain sober.

**Please, I do not want people to respond trying to convince me of the benefits of AA. I am glad it works for so many people; I just don't think it's for me.

But, where else do you find other alcoholics or addicts? I have contacted Women for Sobriety but I've not gotten any response.

These forums are great but I feel like I need someone I can call, or go to a coffee shop with, or do anything with, because everyone else I know drinks.

I feel very alone. It's hard. Been drunk since I was about 18. I'm 36 now. I don't even know how to live life without getting drunk every day.

Sorry everyone- I don't even know what my point is... guess I just needed to talk...

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I think you should find something in there that sounds ok to you

I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

LittleNina

Thank you Dee

awuh1

Hi Nina. I’m glad you are posting. It’s a form of reaching out, and as an alcoholic, something I really needed to do. I hope you’re not offended by my answering your post with some reference to AA but in order to do my best to help that’s what I must do.

You said “ I am wary of AA. Mostly it's because of where I live. People here are miserable and incredibly judgmental. Hateful even.” I can tell you that if you were to find something there, like that, and it calls itself AA, I would be beyond surprised. This is exactly the opposite of what AA is. In fact I would be willing to make a rather sizeable bet that you will find very few at an AA meeting that are miserable, hateful, or judgmental. I’ll even give you good odds on that bet and take you at your word for what you find. The only way you will know is to go, and all you need do is listen. There is no requirement to talk. Best wishes.

LittleNina

Thank you, awuh1. It was a tough day yesterday, and I'm sure that affected my outlook. I am sure you are right, if I find the right group, they will welcome me and not be judgemental. It's difficult being so unhappy where I live. It really is a miserable, ugly place.

I'm trying to stay positive. And, I know that now I will actually be able to look for another job and move somewhere nicer. If I had continued drinking and using, I'd have ended up stuck there forever.

And, in terms of meeting other addicts, since I seem to have no other choice, I might just check out an AA meeting this weekend...

Xune

There are lots of different ways to get sober. I am sober without AA or any other 12 step support system.

However, my sobriety is dependent on much more than just 'not drinking.'

I found reading the book ' Sober for Good' to be most helpful in my recovery.

ru12

Hi Nina. Addiction is an isolating illness. Check and see if you have any SMART meetings in your area. I'd bet you do. I don't have any use for AA at all (the program), but there are really nice people that go to some of the meetings. Perhaps you could go and try to meet some of the women there? Have a coffee after the meeting with them?

I know it isn't the same thing, but the chat room here helped me when I was early in my sobriety. And it still does when I want to connect with others.

BruceJ

Hi Nina,
Glad you are trying to improve your life. I have felt the same way. I was told to go to a meeting and:
1) if you listen for the differences and ways that you don't fit, that's all that you will hear
2) if you listen for the similarities and ways that you do, that's also what you'll hear

I can only speak about what I have learned the hard way. I don't like to admit the whole "powerlessness" thing. I want to believe that I have power over my own life and, with respect, "that is exactly how I will remain sober". I almost lost everything and everyone that I ever cared about, or that cared for me, hanging on to that false pride. If had had this power, why do I lose control over a sane amount to drink, once I start to drink?
I have found that recovery is a spiritual paradox of sort. IOW, I gain power by surrendering....I get to keep what I have by giving it away.....etc. I'm a logical person and these "obvious" flaws in logic were, and are, difficult to accept. But I find that they are absolutely true.
Today is a wonderful day to be sober, useful, and reasonably happy.
All the best.

LittleNina

Thank you, Bruce-- I am touched and grateful for your response. I know you are right. I was, of course, powerless to a certain extent. Or maybe it's once I have that first drink, I become powerless.

Thank heavens for these forums!! If the people at AA are anything like you wonderful people here, I will run to a meeting! Run I tell ya!!

zjw

I was also miserable where I lived in south florida years ago similier reasons you describe. I've since moved to PA myself but I'm about 2 hours north west of philly in the mountains and love it here. That being said i still find myself unhappy with my location mainly wishing I would have bought this house vs that house etc.. I guess the point is you can find a reason to be miserable no matter where your at. I'm having to learn how to bloom where i was planted and be content with what i have etc.. It can be a tough one to learn.

I didnt go to AA till i was a year sober. I have not gone much now because I didnt feel all that welcomed although otherwise I found it beneficial to go. But I certainly wasnt making any new friends or anything there. I guess I wasnt there for friends anyhow.

Sobriety is tough you have your ups and your downs and you have to get used to them and figure out how to cope with them without drinking. It gets easier but there will always be ups and downs. I guess thats what they mean by living life on lifes terms etc.. You can only handle / control what you can let the rest go.

sugarbear1

Who will know you are attending an AA meeting other than you or who you tell?

LittleNina

Nobody knows. That's part of my problem, and it's why I feel I need to reach out to other people. I've tried on several occasions telling close friends/ family that I have a problem, but for some reason they don't seem to believe me; they just give me funny looks. I think it makes people uncomfortable with their own habits, really. And/or they expect an 'alcoholic' to be of the falling down, sloppy variety. I am high-functioning but there is no doubt that I have a PROBLEM.

This is why I desperately want to connect with people who can actually relate to my struggles and my addictions. It's very isolating to feel that nobody understands...

So who will know? You now know! I will go to an AA meeting this weekend. And I will report back! Maybe there are others out there who are a bit hesitant to give AA a go. And maybe it will be great, and maybe I can encourage somebody to take that step. And that would be very nice indeed.

davidssister

Your story sounds like mine, all my friends drink, this is only day 4 for me. Tonight will be my first friday night dry. I have never been a daily drinker just a twice a week blotto drunk kind of gal. When i do go through sober spells i have found that going to the gym really helps. I am planning on hitting the gym tonight at 5 when all my friends are opening their second or third, good for me and good for you, all the luck in the world, misrable in missouri, lol

Critica76

Hi Nina,
You and I have a lot in common, I had been drinking for almost 20 years and working on my 7th month sober. I do not attend too many AA meetings for different reasons. I do attend an after care (after detox) group that I do enjoy. We are not all alcoholics there, some gamblers and some overeaters etc.
It is very hard to stay positive and sober alone for sure. Are you able to reach out to your local Health departments or hospitals?
Good luck, and this is a great place to "be" when you are down and out. There are some really great folks who are on this site.

zjw

I was alone in getting sober. No one understood what i was going through not even I understood it. I questioned my sanity then and i question now if i was sane then too!. I really have no idea how i did it alone. I'm finding i'm a rare breed as most cant go it alone. I felt as if a hand was extended to me as i was drowning in a whirlpool and a voice said grab on i'm going to pull you out and i said BS it'll never work never does never will. Somehow that voice convinced me to grab on even tho i said fine wtvr it'll never work but i'll grab on when it got tough i wanted to let go i was slipping etc.. the vioce said dont let go even tho i hadnt drank in some time i was still in that whirl pool drowning holding onto that hand for dear life. Grace of God is the only reason I am here today.

In hindsite I should have gone to AA sooner. No one understood what was going on for me. But they sure do at AA. My wife still doesnt get it. She said dont you think you could have a beer on a friday night? I got a deer in the headlights look and then a sad face said "no hun dont think i can ever do that again *sigh*"

I get the gist your looking for some accountability from others to help keep you in check. You'll do best if you can find a way to hold yourself accountable and be accountable to you. "To thine own self be true"

Because now and then in life there is not someone else to help you be accountable But you will always have yourself.

Socializing and trying to wrap your mind around this disease to help ya stay sober tho is very important. I wish I new that sooner.