Here we go around the "mulded ole fashioned" ....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Here we go around the "mulded ole fashioned" ....
I need to find a new thinkin' pattern.
I don't know how to do anything at a 6, 7, 8, or even a 9........
I used to think that was what made me special, important or maybe even unique....
Now I think, t is the very reason I am here today.....
My "uniqueness" causes me to feel things I can't explain and don't want to feel.
Almost 21 years of binge drinking and I don't like the lonely path it has brought me too.....
Two divorces. Three very physically abusive relationships and I can't break free. I would have to be accountable.....
I can't write wooo... is me all day... but sooner or later I will need to end this madness..... I need to do this... I want to now which makes me happy inside.
I don't know how to do anything at a 6, 7, 8, or even a 9........
I used to think that was what made me special, important or maybe even unique....
Now I think, t is the very reason I am here today.....
My "uniqueness" causes me to feel things I can't explain and don't want to feel.
Almost 21 years of binge drinking and I don't like the lonely path it has brought me too.....
Two divorces. Three very physically abusive relationships and I can't break free. I would have to be accountable.....
I can't write wooo... is me all day... but sooner or later I will need to end this madness..... I need to do this... I want to now which makes me happy inside.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
triggers (and i don't know just what you mean by "old-timers"; when i was very new, anyone with three months seemed to me to fit that category), anyway: triggers, to me, are a m,ix of outside that sets something off inside, mostly. a situation, such as someone offering me a drink, or someone being angry with me, or me feeling lost...a lot of things used to "trigger" my wannagetdrunk, gottagetdrunk reaction.
triggers in and of themselves, imo, are nothing much. the tougher part was/is my reaction, esp. when very new and not knowing anything else to do . triggers always felt/feel to me like "gotta do something to take care of this, and gotta do it NOW!"
but it's not so.
triggers, really, i see more like powerful jabs, showing where my inexperience, my need-to-learn-how, my i-have-no-idea-what-to-do-with-this, were/are. in other words, they kept showing me where a whole bunch of problems are/were.
that's just a general view. triggers show me where the work is.
nothing to drink over
triggers in and of themselves, imo, are nothing much. the tougher part was/is my reaction, esp. when very new and not knowing anything else to do . triggers always felt/feel to me like "gotta do something to take care of this, and gotta do it NOW!"
but it's not so.
triggers, really, i see more like powerful jabs, showing where my inexperience, my need-to-learn-how, my i-have-no-idea-what-to-do-with-this, were/are. in other words, they kept showing me where a whole bunch of problems are/were.
that's just a general view. triggers show me where the work is.
nothing to drink over
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Fini,
Totally it was.... thank you... someone offering me a drink while I was sober..... was a trigger.... I wanna quit..... I see drinking ruining every healthy decision I need to make. It stands in the way of truth and light of my life. It is a crutch.... I figure if I know my enemy and my plan of attack maybe this time I won't fail.... But.... I guess this is just my sick head thinking I can control things... everything.. everyone... and then stand around and say... I hardly do that at all.....
Totally it was.... thank you... someone offering me a drink while I was sober..... was a trigger.... I wanna quit..... I see drinking ruining every healthy decision I need to make. It stands in the way of truth and light of my life. It is a crutch.... I figure if I know my enemy and my plan of attack maybe this time I won't fail.... But.... I guess this is just my sick head thinking I can control things... everything.. everyone... and then stand around and say... I hardly do that at all.....
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I learned that there is only one thing that I can control, and that is whether I choose to pour alcohol down my neck. That one is me, and all me. The other things, the triggers, became much easier to accept once I eliminated the effect that too much alcohol every day was having on me. They became easier to accept too, when I understood that I had done what so many told me, and continue to tell me, is virtually impossible - I quit drinking. That was a huge boost to my self esteem, and my understanding of what I could and could not accomplish.
Now, I am better at accepting that we are all of us trying to get through our day, and doing the best we can. The things that used to give me that feeling of gottadrinknow, now give me a moment to reflect, observe, accept and learn.
Now, I am better at accepting that we are all of us trying to get through our day, and doing the best we can. The things that used to give me that feeling of gottadrinknow, now give me a moment to reflect, observe, accept and learn.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by Freshstart57
They became easier to accept too, when I understood that I had done what so many told me, and continue to tell me, is virtually impossible - I quit drinking.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
one thing i've seen many do is to try and eliminate triggers, believing that with no triggers, there's no problem. believing that triggers CAUSE them to drink.
but my drinking wasn't caused from outside, nor could i eventually keep supporting the "i have an enemy out there that i need to attack before it gets me!" any longer.
there was no enemy, nothing out there trying to get me. the problem was and is within me, which is why triggers themselves aren't important to me per se, but i pay lots of attention to the internal stuff they can provoke in me.
when i thought i'd misunderstood your question, it was because i thought your real question was about what made us stop, the "bottom" .
this made me wonder why you'd ask it...how it might help you to know where the turn-around point was for someone else?
the control thing...i had to give that up
that was a tough struggle for me. couldn't wrap my head around it, drunk or sober, for the longest time.
what a relief to let that idea go.
but my drinking wasn't caused from outside, nor could i eventually keep supporting the "i have an enemy out there that i need to attack before it gets me!" any longer.
there was no enemy, nothing out there trying to get me. the problem was and is within me, which is why triggers themselves aren't important to me per se, but i pay lots of attention to the internal stuff they can provoke in me.
when i thought i'd misunderstood your question, it was because i thought your real question was about what made us stop, the "bottom" .
this made me wonder why you'd ask it...how it might help you to know where the turn-around point was for someone else?
the control thing...i had to give that up
that was a tough struggle for me. couldn't wrap my head around it, drunk or sober, for the longest time.
what a relief to let that idea go.
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