Maryalice

I am brand new at this site and would love some advice. So here is my story...

December 6th marked our 4th year anniversary, I can honestly say that I love my husband and I wouldn't want anyone else. BUT... My husband is a alcoholic. He is not abusive, he doesn't call me names, he doesn't put me down. So why does it make me so mad that he drinks. I know some people have it worse that me. Some women are being abused and cussed out. Not me. But it burns me up inside when he drinks.
When we first started dating I thought okay we are young and having fun, so we would both drink. Until I noticed how much he liked it more that me. Then I hear the stories from either his friends or family members how bad it really is. After 3 years of dating he asked me to marry him, I said yes. Sometimes I wish I didn't, I wish he would have gotten sober before marrying me.
Okay that was a little about is... But I don't know what to do now.. I am so mad at him, I don't want him to touch me, I am not attracted to him. I defiantly don't drink and I wish it would disappear off the side of the earth. If he loves me soooo much and is really a nice guy and would jump in front of a moving truck for me then why can't he stop drinking... I am tired. I am losing faith. I don't want to feel this way about my husband. I feel like I am looking for ways out.... Please help.

Happier

I am sorry you are dealing with all of that. PLease keep reading and posting and you'll quickly find that you are not alone. You can post anywhere you want but I wanted to make sure you were also aware of the "Friends and Family of Alcoholic" forum. Lots of people there that can help and relate. Just click the "forums" button in the upper left of your screen or jump to it using the button on the bottom right.
Wishing you the best. Things and people can get better but the approach that seems most successful isn't always the first that comes to mind. As I said, there is lots of expereinece on this site though.

Mark75

Did you tell him what you told us?

Maryalice

Too many times.

ZombieAttack

I am sorry to hear of your problems.

Alcohol has taken a hold of him, and that hold is very strong.

I know it might not sound like the most comfortable thing to do, but you are going to somehow get him to admit to himself that he has a problem.

A direct approach is often not the best way, as it can be awkward and embarrassing for a person who most likely knows they have a problem.

You might want to point him in the direction of this forum; I find that when I work things out for myself, it is often a lot better in my mind than if somebody works it out for me.

In any case, we are going to be here for you and you are not unique in your problem.

exauhsted

Do you still love him enough to step in and tell him that what he is doing is ruining your love and that he needs to change or lose it. Are you willing to accept his answer for the better of Him? From what you say I think he loves you enough to WANT to stop but just needs someone that will help him....Your on the right track looking for answers..Keep looking,keep searching...((HUGS))

guulan

He has to want to do it for himself. I am sure he loves you as well but alcohol has destroyed many a life. Be supportive , every person reacts differently to tough love vs. coddling, not sure where he fits in but do whats right for him. Its going to feel like you are doing everything to accomodate him but hopefully you are creating an environment conducive to his recovery. I agree with Zombie, send him over here. He needs to read and feel. Epic love Epic sacrifice.

Hopeworks

Alanon. It could be life changing . It was for me

paul99

Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. The love for my son and wife, while powerful and profound, alone could not separate me from alcohol. Frothy emotional appeal rarely suffices. I have seen many guys who were in treatment for their wives, girlfriends, court, work...and they pretty much all drank again. Your husband has to want it for him and him alone. And it has to come from him. You can't "make" him do it, nor can you use the above line about loving you so why can't he stop drinking for you. It's hard, I know - my wife went through 17 years of me drinking and can attest to the stress and lack of faith and love. We had to separate while I worked on my recovery. While difficult, it was the best thing...gave me time to do what I needed to do and for her to start to heal.

Alanon can certainly help.

All the best

hamabi

While you're with a drinking alcoholic there's no way out of dealing with the problems and heartaches we create, but some partners of alcoholics are able to both deal with the realities they are forced by the alcoholic to endure and still rise above it for periods of time.

When they tell you how they accomplished that, it's worth listening to. For as long as he drinks and you're with him it's the best path available to you. Unless you find a path to peace with his alcoholism, the anger will first poison the part of your life you share with him, and then the parts of your life unrelated to him. Seeking that ability to overcome how he effects your perceptions of life's possibilities is best done sooner than later.

I'm very sorry that it's your lot in life to be the spouse of an alcoholic. It may, however, result in you becoming a very strong individual with answers for others in like circumstances.

Maryalice

He knows he had a problem he has admitted it. He has been to classes then he will quit. He has attended church events and will not drink that day bc of the guilt the next day it's back at it. He knows how I feel, he can feel me pulling away. I think he is used to me talking the talk but not walking the walk.