anticon

Hello there, this is my first post as I am new to the forums. I am currently going through the process of paying for my 2nd owi and have recently come to terms with the fact that I am, for a lack of a better term, an alcoholic. I'm a full time student, and just lost my job due to the fact that I can no longer drive (previously a delivery driver; only worked 9 hours a week). By next fall, if everything goes according to plan, I should have my associates degree. Everything just hit me today as I got my interlock system installed and discovered how horrible and embarrassing it is to even turn on my vehicle. Luckily I still live at home and currently my parents are paying for all the charges but this doesn't make me feel any better; if anything it makes me feel worse. I have 140 dollars to my name, and now no longer do I even have a job. I have no idea how I am going to get any money to pay all of this off. Looking forward, it seems as if my life is already over before it could even begin. My grades are being heavily influenced, as well as my mental stability by the impact that this second OWI is having on my life. I go to the gym as often as I can, 2-3 times a week and have a pretty good grasp on the health aspect of things (previously lost 140 pounds) although gained 40 on my road to alcoholism. I recently quit drinking indefinitely, I broke things off with a girl I was seeing that was a bigger alcoholic than me. I would consider myself a weekend binge drinker, although this was escalating to be more until I decided this past weekend to quit for good. I'm now coming up on my second sober weekend. Last week was the first weekend that I did not drink at all. To add to my frustration, I recently began dating another girl. This girl has never had a drink in her life before and is only 18, but she has shown me that I can have fun without being drunk. She has never seen me drunk before, nor do I intend on her seeing me so. Hence the issue at hand, juggling a brand new relationship (she already knows) while giving up drinking. I feel extremely vulnerable at this point and like I could just collapse at any given moment. I feel extremely insecure about my relationship with my girlfriend even though we have known each other all semester and I feel as though we really click, thoughts that this relationship will soon end sooner rather than later because of my alcoholism cannot help but find their way into my consciousness. Any words of wisdom, positive input, or suggestions would really help. Thanks

Elisabeth888

Don't drink NO MATTER WHAT and all of these things will work themselves out. Post and read here as much as you can.

Spirit08

Congratulations on your 2 weeks. It sounds like this girl is good for you.

I'm a strong AAer so I can only say get to a meeting, get a sponsor and get a home group. Remember, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.

GypsyHeart

i've been there ... and my mom paid for mine...yes it does make you feel terrible. i know how hard my mom worked for that money. thank God that i didn't lose my job. i have lost a lot of relationships due to drinking... and yes they were with people who also drank, so probably a good thing - but while i was with them drinking, i could have been finding someone worthwhile, so a waste. you are lucky to have someone who already knows so you don't have to go thru the anxiety of telling her or her leaving you because of it. and you are obviously smart enough to realize this is something that could cost you the relationship. so i would say keep that thought in mind alot when you feel like drinking. exercise is a great way to focus on something else and also your schoolwork. good for you on having goals in that direction.
welcome to the board.... read a lot and post a lot here...

Dee74

Hi and welcome anticon

you'll find a lot of support and ideas here on how to stay sober.

are you interested in recovery programmes like AA, or non 12 step alternatives like SMART etc?

D

Hevyn

Welcome to the family anticon.

I know this is a huge challenge at only 22, but what I wouldn't give to go back and save myself from a life of drinking. I'm sorry for all that you've been through, but you can get through this and have a wonderful life, free from addiction. Glad you are here with us - this is a wonderful place where everyone understands.

TSDD

If you don't drink you won't have to worry about ANY of that stuff. All the things you're worried about won't happen if you don't drink and your current legal trouble will pass.

I carried around a criminal record for @ 18 years (nickel and dime drug selling... I suspect murderers and skinners can get record wiped faster). Anyway, continuous sober time fixed that and everything else I thought was a big insurmountable crisis.

heresobernow

anticon, when you feel vulnerable, and particularly if you find yourself wanting to drink again, come here. we'll be here for you. i went through the dui experience about ten years ago and, although i wish i could say i was smart enough to let it be my final lesson, life has its ways. the best thing that happened to me since? i eventually got sober. you can do it too.

Justfor1

My advise would be to hit some AA meetings. I know how humiliating the alcohol machine is. I've had mine for nearly 1yr & will soon get it off. I found it can be dangerous to drive with at times so be careful. The amount of paperwork, hearings, money, time ect... I have spent to get my license back is incredible. But I feel like I deserve to drive again. I paid the consequences & moving on. I'm not even sorry anymore for the DUI's. I'm only sorry that I got caught. It's good to see you in a new relationship, attending school & driving as soon as possible.

anticon

Thank you for all the support so far! The main reason for my alcohol abstinence is to avoid trouble. Reflecting back on my experience with it, I can't say that it has ever brought me anything that was worth it in the end. I always did something I regretted that; which doesn't always involve the law. Ultimately though, I hope that I can learn to learn through the experience of others instead of having to go through horrible life experiences like I have my entire life.

Happier

Amen brother! What a smart approach! Please do read a lot here and learn from the experiences. Man, it will save you decades or even a lifetime of pain and regret. Not only for you but for everyone that cares about you or that happens into your spere of influence. Alcoholism casts a very wide net around the addict.

You will be a much smarter man than me if you can do this.

PricklyPearz

You can do one of a couple things. You can follow your sound logic and abstain at a young age while you have a chance before you have to deal with the hysteresis of a decade's worth of drinking and all it entails. You can do what I did at your age...continue to drink progressively more and more until you don't have any girlfriend issues because you have driven everyone away. Or...you can continue to drink until recovery hardly seems like an option.

A couple DUIs? No big deal. Slap on the wrist. Sure you pay for it (yes breathalyzers are embarassing), but it's a relatively minor setback. You know, after going through the aforementioned myself, I would give a lot to go back to the decision making state you appear to be in now. My advice is to just quit. Permanently. If you don't, dealing with your own mind a decade down the road will be entertaining to say the least.

I hope you don't have to experience that.

anticon

Thank you so much for the insight, I shall heed your advice; know that your words are not taken lightly.

bnstphnsn

OP- you are me. 3 years younger, and with 1 more OWI. Weekend warrior. Work all week to get to friday night, then hit it hard friday afternoon to sunday evening. Then get through the work week to fight another "battle" on the weekend. How much, How long, how little sleep, how many beers, when? Now.

That was my style from about 17 until May 13th of this year (8 years). On that date I wrecked my car, went to the hospital, and got an OWI. I'm currently on probation, living with bills from the hospital/drug and alcohol classes/probation all hanging over my head still and a whole town that is convinced I will never amount to much but a drunk waste of God-given abilities.

And I've never been happier. You see, on May 13th I took my last drink. Since then, the 6 month journey has been crazy! Some days I faced real challenges that getting drunk seemed the only way out, I've had days where I was so content that after A time I thought I was being Punked by Ashton Kutcher. It's a crazy, lovely, wild, rollercoaster ride this sobriety. And the beautiful part of it all is: it keeps getting better! A new challenge, a new acquaintence. Everyday there are blessing to be acknowledged for the first time and years, the morning sun is a gift now, not a burden. And the rollercoaster is starting to straighten out...

If that sounds like corny ********, file it away in your head in the 6 months box. When you get to 6 months, you will look at it, and smile yourself, because what I am telling you will happen for you too. I was a skeptic too when I began my recovery. There's no harm in skepticism, just dont let it hold you back!

The ball is in your court. Do you want to go back out there, continue on the path youve been walking? Or do you want to try a new way? If you want what we have, we're all here to share how we did it! I hope you'll hang around with us! We could use some more young guns at the tables.

anticon

Thank you! So inspirational! During my first OWI I also totaled a car and almost died, but at the age of 19 and after having lost so much weight and wanting to flaunt it, I didn't care and apparently I didn't learn. Yes, the "weekend warrior"; it got to the point that as it hit Thursday I was asking myself what I was going to buy on Friday and then even during shifts I'd pick up my drinks just so I'd already have it right as I got done with work. I'd sit in my room and drink alone, not because I didn't have friends but because I didn't want to embarrass myself and just wanted to get drunk. I'd drink to the point of blacking out; waking up the next day and having to ask my mom and dad if I did anything stupid. Another one of the deciding factors of my quitting drinking involved my brother getting so drunk recently (he hardly ever drinks) that he blacked out. We got into a brotherly wrestling match that turned into a chocking match that ended up with him putting me in a sleeper hold to the point that I turned purple and foamed at the mouth; I thought I was going to die. He would have kept going had there not been people to pull him off of me. This is just one of out of my many violent run ins with alcohol. What's worse is that he came in the next day and asked me what happened and that he was so sorry. My brother is my best friend, I forgave him instantly having been in his position before.

2granddaughters

anticon, if you can just say no and walk away from alcohol then do it.

If you can't, come the me in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

anticon

Right now I'm at the point that if alcohol presented itself, I'm not so sure I could say no. I won't be going out tonight, or any night for that matter unless I'm going out with my girlfriend, until I am sure I can say no indefinitely.

Justfor1

Another thing to keep in mind, you are not a horrible person for getting the DUI. The media & society now are extremely hard on drunk drivers.

Lenina

And drunk drivers are extremely hard on their victims.

anticon

Could you clarify please? I don't think I catch your meaning as drunk drivers don't always cause harm. I believe justfor1 was saying that there is an extremely negative stigma attached to drinking and driving like there never has been before, regardless of the case.