MattyD

Hi everyone,
First time on here. Just feel that I can't share that with anyone else in my day to day life. I love being sober, but sometimes I really miss drinking. I think I romanticize about it more than anything. I don't miss the pain, but miss that comfort that came with a drink. I'm not planning on drinking, I was just curious if there was anyone out there that knows what I mean.

Dee74

Hi Matty
welcome

What have you done besides stop drinking?

For me it was really important to look at why I drank - because I wanted to not only get sober, but also to stay that way.

If, as you say, you drank for comfort, what have you done about finding that comfort elsewhere?

I'm not sure I drank for comfort - I drank for escape tho...I worked hard on building a life I didn't want to escape from any more.

do you think you might need to look at building a life you're comfortable in?

D

suki44883

Oh, I know how you feel. Drinking seemed to be a comfort to me, too. It seemed to help me deal with things better. Of course, that wasn't true. It just seemed that way at the time. You certainly are not alone in that feeling.

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here from people who understand exactly how you are feeling. Read around the forum and make yourself at home. I'm glad you have found us.

MattyD

Hi Dee,

I have a sponsor and attend 3 meetings a week. I work a pretty good program, but still have thoughts of drinking. It's faded over time but still lingers. Before drinking got bad I use to drink fairly normal. Like normies. Those are the times I miss. I've accepted that I cannot take a drink no matter what.

Dee74

Hi Matty

I probably should have said I'm not in AA so my take on things maybe a little out of the box...

I thought about drinking for well over a year - it had been my life for 20 years, so that didn't seem strange to me.

I think there's a really big divide between thinking about it and acting on it tho...

and the more time I racked up not acting on those thoughts & finding other solutions to my problems, the less power they had over me...by the end of year two those thoughts were very rare indeed

D

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Matty

I know what you mean. Even though I work hard to remove all the myths about alcohol to help me stop romanticising it, the odd thought does get through. It's usually a bit left field and throws me a bit. But I don't think you need to worry about it too much. You don't need to drink. You know what happened between you drinking like a 'normie' and now. I read Allan Carr's book Easyway to stop drinking again recently and that is really good at making you think differently about drinking. Maybe it would help to approach it from another angle.

I have a friend who has been sober over 20 years who still romanticises his drinking life, so it is possible to remain sober for a long time still thinking you're missing out. But I'd prefer to get rid of all those delusions. Cos that's what they are, alcohol doesn't actually benefit us in any way, even when/if we drank 'normally' at some point.

Glad you're here x

aasharon90

I still think about the thrill, excitement,
romantic, daring things I did associated
with my drinking 22 yrs ago. I think it's
just natural to reflect back on those days
whether they were good or bad.

However, today, I don't linger too long on
those thoughts because what good would
it do for me. I'm not gonna drink over it today,
so to allow it to take up residentacy in my
brain or mind is a waste of good space. Those
thought will just have to move on and bother
someone else.

A good practice of my memorized recovery
prayers I learned early on in recovery, I can
quickly say them to rid myself of those pesky
thoughts and move on to healthier useful ones.

It can be for you too.

DayTrader

Dr Bob Smith (AA's co-founder) felt the compulsion to drink for 2 1/2 years into his sobriety...... So don't get it in your head that you're doin something wrong.

For me, the compulsion to drink was taken away one day.....gone. 99.999% gone.
But...... I wanted to do drugs alllllll the time during my first year or so. I didn't drink, or get high..... But I "relapsed" with tv, video games, and online chat rooms / message boards. Ducking reality and hiding in a dream world. I'd worked the steps in AA but was ONLY applying them to my drinking. As I broadened my practices....things got a lot better.

Sounds like you're on the right track.....just keep moving. I know it's hard but try to practice letting go of the judgments we all get where we tell ourselves we should be further along.....or doing better. In recovery - try to stick with today.....and accept today's reality for what it is - real (juuuust real - neither good nor bad....just reality).

Caledonia1

Hi Matty and a warm welcome to SR.

Sapling

Welcome MattyD......I'm curious if you have worked the 12 steps with your sponsor?

Ghostly

This totally and completely describes where I am at right now. Somehow you perfectly nailed down how I am feeling. Over two and half years in, don't wanna go back, but still miss a lot of it.

So, welcome Matty. I don't have advice, just wanted to let you know I get it. Congrats on the sober time.

2granddaughters

What does your sponsor say about this?
What do the oldtimers in your group think when you talk to them about how you think and feel?

All the best.

Bob R

kricket68

My best friend died unexpectedly early last month from a rare disease at age 53. He was possibly my only sober support. He gave me the best piece of advice. He had over 25 years sober from alcohol and cocaine.

He said "I wake up and most days still think about it. I have to tell myself that I am one hit or one drink away from a trainwreck".

Hope this helps.

~Kricket

TSDD

That's about par for the course. Individual results may vary. Some folks lose the desire to drink immediately, some pray it away, some can't seem to completely shake it for years.

Don't let anyone insinuate you're doing something wrong or not staying "sober enough". A lot of bullies will come out of the woodwork sometimes who will try to up the ante on you and minimize the fact that you have been 100% sober for 15 months now.

If you're looking for a yardstick to measure your progress, I'd encourage you to weigh up the way you feel, think, and all around get through a day to what it was like the last few weeks of your drinking or the first few weeks of your sobriety. I think a factual look at this will show you that you're doing great. I'm quite confident you're right where you're supposed to be.

AcceptingChange

hi matty, & welcome!
Yes, i think about it every day. But not with the intensity i used to; the overwhelming need is pretty much gone. Now, it's just a thought.
And why is that?
Because there are advertisements for alcohol EVERYWHERE.
The thoughts are not created from within you. The thoughts are put in you by the media. Just like you think about McDonalds every day, and Starbucks, and Apple iPods,
and Romney, and Obama. All of us are constantly exposed to ads.

Now, do you feel the thoughts are compulsions? Or are they just fleeting images that come & go?