Unsupportive friends...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 20
Unsupportive friends...
I suppose I'm lucky really, have a lot of friends and family who really root for me and my sobriety, and I am so, so grateful for that, without them I wouldn't have as much reason as I do to carry on, but why oh why do there have to be so-called friends with small-minded attitudes, who despite all the support to the contrary manage to make you feel like sh*t...!
I have a housemate, who likes to party. No where near as much as I liked to party in my drinking years, but she likes a heavy night out and the crazy behaviour that comes with it. She never knew me as a drinker and I can't help feeling she looks down on me as a bit old/boring for the way I conduct myself nowadays. Once when a friend and I were discussing our old drunken adventures, laughing at them now as you can in retrospect, she piped up, "you sound like you were great fun, I wish you still drank." Way to make a girl feel like she's less than she used to be.
And this morning, feeling a bit down in the dumps about how hard it is to meet a guy when sober she said "if it's alcohol you can't have why don't you take drugs?" So that's the answer, she genuinely thinks no man will want me sober? I had to go to my room and have a quick cry I was so frustrated.
What can you say to someone like that? Is there any point saying anything, even if her insensitivity makes me feel like crap and incredibly insecure? I think her ignorance, and that's really what it comes from, stems from a bit of a small town mentality and slightly over inflated ego, but I'm almost considering moving out and living alone just so I don't have to contend with those kind of comments. I'm not even sure there's any advice I can be given on the subject, just need to vent a little.
xx
I have a housemate, who likes to party. No where near as much as I liked to party in my drinking years, but she likes a heavy night out and the crazy behaviour that comes with it. She never knew me as a drinker and I can't help feeling she looks down on me as a bit old/boring for the way I conduct myself nowadays. Once when a friend and I were discussing our old drunken adventures, laughing at them now as you can in retrospect, she piped up, "you sound like you were great fun, I wish you still drank." Way to make a girl feel like she's less than she used to be.
And this morning, feeling a bit down in the dumps about how hard it is to meet a guy when sober she said "if it's alcohol you can't have why don't you take drugs?" So that's the answer, she genuinely thinks no man will want me sober? I had to go to my room and have a quick cry I was so frustrated.
What can you say to someone like that? Is there any point saying anything, even if her insensitivity makes me feel like crap and incredibly insecure? I think her ignorance, and that's really what it comes from, stems from a bit of a small town mentality and slightly over inflated ego, but I'm almost considering moving out and living alone just so I don't have to contend with those kind of comments. I'm not even sure there's any advice I can be given on the subject, just need to vent a little.
xx
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Well...anyone can say anything that they want to say to you, right?
It is our reaction that we change.
No one can make us feel anything.
The thoughts come, and we must let them go.
We stop judging them...She is ignorant, she is insensitive, she has a small town mentality, she has an over inflated ego!
Do you see how much you are judging her?
She judges you. You judge her.
You have the keys to your freedom in your being.
You get to let her off the hook for being human.
If you can't stand living with a drinker, make other living arrangements.
Seeking likeminded and goal driven people to support you in your quest for a new life could help.
Those people would be at Alcoholics Anonymous....at a meeting...near you...
Forgive her, and set yourself free.
It is our reaction that we change.
No one can make us feel anything.
The thoughts come, and we must let them go.
We stop judging them...She is ignorant, she is insensitive, she has a small town mentality, she has an over inflated ego!
Do you see how much you are judging her?
She judges you. You judge her.
You have the keys to your freedom in your being.
You get to let her off the hook for being human.
If you can't stand living with a drinker, make other living arrangements.
Seeking likeminded and goal driven people to support you in your quest for a new life could help.
Those people would be at Alcoholics Anonymous....at a meeting...near you...
Forgive her, and set yourself free.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well, you can't say anything to someone like that, and it's useless to try. All you can do is accept that your housemate doesn't get it and most likely never will. Following that, you simply ignore her.
Many of us deal with some version of this, by the way. Seems there's always a friend or family member who doesn't get it in some way.
In my case, because I was "functional" (at least as far as the outside world knew) I had people telling me that I wasn't addicted or that my drinking wasn't that bad (meanwhile I had been drinking myself into a stupor daily for 25 years, since the age of 13!). It's kind of amazing to listen to stuff like this when you know darn well that your life hangs in the balance, isn't it?
But no matter how ridiculous or offensive it is, it's merely someone else's limited viewpoint and needn't have any impact on us. Hit that mental "ignore" button!
Many of us deal with some version of this, by the way. Seems there's always a friend or family member who doesn't get it in some way.
In my case, because I was "functional" (at least as far as the outside world knew) I had people telling me that I wasn't addicted or that my drinking wasn't that bad (meanwhile I had been drinking myself into a stupor daily for 25 years, since the age of 13!). It's kind of amazing to listen to stuff like this when you know darn well that your life hangs in the balance, isn't it?
But no matter how ridiculous or offensive it is, it's merely someone else's limited viewpoint and needn't have any impact on us. Hit that mental "ignore" button!
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
wow ! your roomie/friend sounds immature!
the only guy who will want you NOT sober will be the type of guys who are either addicted themselves or who are immature.
you have risen your life to higher place than her, have matured and will reap what you sow in a positive and fullfilling life and the man you choose to put into your life sober will be a man whom will support, love, cherish and be there for you. someone you will depend on unlike the so called men she will find.
cheer up.....some people will always be in rut in their life but you are choosing not to be. you are choosing a life! and she is choosing a constant let down and life of sadnessa and false security
the only guy who will want you NOT sober will be the type of guys who are either addicted themselves or who are immature.
you have risen your life to higher place than her, have matured and will reap what you sow in a positive and fullfilling life and the man you choose to put into your life sober will be a man whom will support, love, cherish and be there for you. someone you will depend on unlike the so called men she will find.
cheer up.....some people will always be in rut in their life but you are choosing not to be. you are choosing a life! and she is choosing a constant let down and life of sadnessa and false security
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Is moving an option? It is true that what she says doesn't have to effect you but I'd imagine it'd be nicer to live with someone more like minded. I feel a bit sorry for her in a way, that's just the same sort of deluded thinking we all had at some point x
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
she said "if it's alcohol you can't have why don't you take drugs?"
I went through my 20's with no alcohol and there was no shortage of people to date. It's about confidence, not about drinking.
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