goodface

What I'm doing; drinking a glass of wine at 10 a.m.
Sitting on my butt on the bed
Reading posts on S.R.
Trying to figure out how to maintain all day in order to pick my kids up from school without arousing suspicion(means not talking to anyone adult)
Isolating


What I'm not doing;
Housework
Walking my dog
Eating
Working
Yardwork
Excercising
Anything productive/healthy/normal

Just thought I'd post this for anyone wondering what it's like, or who may be forgetting...

Maylie

Chickadee, have you thought about commiting to a plan of recovery? It seems that you are not happy or even content with what you are doing now and know that you should be doing other things, so why not take the dog for a walk? Even a small step is a good one.

Just a month ago I was in the same place but my DOC was heroin. I would sit there on the couch and do the normal addict thing of make a list of things I needed to do but none of it would EVER get done. Then one day a month ago I just got up and checked something off the list. It felt really good, even empowering. After checking one thing off the list I did a couple more. The next day I did the same and I realized I started to get some self- respect back and I decided to make a plan of recovery instead of just a list of things to get done.

Today I still make my do to lists (which actually get done now!) and I continue to work my plan of recovery. All it took was one small step to lead to larger steps which now lead me to make it to a month sober which is longer than I have been in years.

So how about doing one of those things on your list? It can't hurt to try!

wishing you strength,

Maylie

tomsteve

do you want to get off the insanity elevator?

adamjet

Sounds like your lists need to be switched. The level of productivity just goes through the roof once you stop the madness.

goodface

I forgot to add bathing to that list of what I'm not doing, which is yeah, really, insanity personified. Also, I'm here again, so I must be looking for something! Thanks for the replies folks.

goodface

Oh wait, I guess trying to pick your kids up(even on foot) drunk from school trumps lack of personal hygiene in the deck of crazy. I'm not trying to be glib, it's an ancient/automatic defense for me. Sorry.

MIRecovery

For you childrens sake I hope you are not driving.

There is a way out of the insanity. AA worked for me when nothing else would

goodface

Adamjet- you're so right..kind of what I was getting at...this life is so much harder to maintain than just doing what one knows needs getting done. It's like you're fighting against your life, rather than for it! Backwards nonsense...

goodface

Maylie, thanks for your kindness. Congratulations on your success!!

Fandy

you, your kids and the dog deserve a better way to live, not just exist in a drunken stupor all day. I really hope that you reach out to someone to help you.

You want to be present in their lives don't you? and in your own life? You want to be able to talk to other adults and maybe their teachers when you pick the kids up from school? and be interested in their little accomplishments? It's SO important, even though you may not realize it right now.

Everyone says get sober for yourself, but your children's welfare also is very important. Sobriety will change you for the better and give them the mother they want. Please make an appointment with your doctor and tell them you need help.

OneLessLonely

You can become someone who does your current not-doing list. Lots of us thought we didn't have it in ourselves to make the changes and live our lives, but we did and you do too. Make a game plan. Add things as needed. Ask people how they did it. Ask people what to do in specific situations. It is not impossible. Its just not very fun in the beginning. You have to accept there will be difficult times. I was (and frankly still am, 5 months in) on this site reading and posting multiple times per day. Find what works for you but keep trying.

CarolD

Please do have an honest talk with your doctor about your drinking

I've yet to meet an adult who said how pleased and proud they
are that they had drinkers for parents.


Welcome back...

goodface

Today is different, and thanks to all who replied to my pathetic post, me at my worst. But that's why I posted it. Because it is ugly, and disgusting, just straight up bad behavior. Why bother sugar-coating, especially on this forum? After posting, ended up not being able to even get drunk! Just sick & sad. To that point in this process/illness I guess. Today I have already walked the dog, cleaned up, got kids off to school(not hung-over!) and am on my way to work, like a "normal" person. Those who posted about elevator/roller-coaster hit it on the head, tho. I'm the queen of that carnival ride. Yesterday will come back if I let it. Hope you all have a beautiful day.

Cottonwoodchris

Not a pathetic post at all, Chickadee. In fact, sounds just like I have been several times in the last 5 years or so. My DOC was vodka, tho. Start before work at 6am, then just continue all day. Not drunk, just in a constant lazy fog. After a year, get sober for a few months then right back on the roller coaster ride. All the bad habits you mention while drinking. Not showering, paid someone to vacuum and clean litter boxes.

Sober now (again) for almost two months and I feel really good. Wish I could say that alcohol is gone for good but with my past it may not be. I'm darn sure gonna give it my best, you should too. Do see a doctor as soon as you can, as others have suggested. Hang in there!

Happier

Glad you posted and glad today is better.
You are not alone. I suspect that you didn't shock or surprise any of us with your original post. We get it. Many or most of us have been there.
Things can and do get better though! Please keep reading and posting here. Also please consider face-to-face local help. Getting better usually takes help but is so worth it. Your life can be full of "better tomorrows". Commit to them and seek out whatever means are necessary to make them happen.