Paulos

cryin again... thought I was going to not have depression like this ... thought maybe I could avoid it today, thinking I won't make my next birthday again too, I swear I'm not trying to get attention- I'm just venting it.

I never "meant" harm to anyone in my life, why must I feel so depressed... it only weakens me and things bad... I must have done something wrong to anger those I don't know, or something.

Chrisy

I am sorry you are going through this. Hope you feel better soon.

NYCDoglvr

I've been treated for major depression most of my life. I hope you're going to a shrink, the right medication can work wonders. When we're in the worst of it it's hard to remember that it does pass, but I promise you, it will. God bless!

freshstart57

Paulos, I agree with NYC. Have you talked with your doctor about your feelings?

Hevyn

I'm so sorry, Paulos. I hope you can get some help with this - it's too much to handle alone. I'll pray for you to feel better.

freshstart57

I should have offered you more, Paulos, and that is this: there were many days that I spent hours weeping in private, away from my family. Hours. There was this great well of sadness that sucked all of the light into it, it was like trying to move through molasses, black and sticky.

One of those afternoons an uncle of mine called me. I was ashamed to tell him how I was feeling, but he told me that he had walked this same miserable road. He asked me where it was that I did my crying, and he told me that his spot was the end of his sofa. He told me that the day would come when it would be over, that I would be better, that I wouldn't be sad.

He was right, Paulos, I am better, and I am no longer sad. I will tell you the same, this shall pass. That day will come for you, too.

Please see your Dr. He can really really help, and knows what to do. Best to you.

Paulos

I think I'm doomed.

laurie6781

(((((Paulos)))))

No you are not doomed!!!!!

I can attest from my own experience, that it took over 5 years initially for my
Psych Doctor to find the right medication(s) that worked for me, with several
'tweekings' over the years since.

In that 5+ years, starting at about 9 years sober, I went through HELL!!!! From
going each time deeper into the abyss and then soaring higher and higher each
time I came out of the abyss.

Please talk with your Psych Doctor and explain in great detail how the current
medication is NOT working and how your are being affected.

I know this is far from easy my friend. I have been told over these past years
by friends that knew me then, that I was a TOTAL BIOTCH for those 5 plus years
and they never ever knew what personality I would be when they saw me.

There were many times that I just wanted to be locked up in a very padded cell
for the rest of my life, and in fact several times drove the 3 miles to our local
'nut hospital' begging to be admitted. Several times they did take me in for a
few days to help me get 'back on some sort of track' so that I could again
function in my job and my life to a degree.

I can also very clearly remember when, I had been on the latest combination
of medications for about 7 weeks or so and I realized, that I had NOT been into
the abyss, and I was NOT getting those awful highs. WOW, these meds seemed
to be working!

This can happen for you too!!!!!! Work with your psych Doc.

Love and hugs,

sugarbear1

Lots of love sent to you, sweet Paulos.

sometimes we just need to cry and be sad. It will change.

You are loved!