Sally1009

Hi folks,
Yes, I feel a bit wobbly tonight. I am staying with my daughter, little grandson and my daughter's new fiance.
They have both been rather critical of me today, and it's hurt my feelings.
I have made amends to my daughter, and thought things were ok between us finally. The last two visits I have spent with them incurred none of this critical behaviour - if anything my daughter was almost too polite.
But now I feel a bit wobbly. Not that I have any desire to drink, but I don't like being picked on, and even more, I am kicking myself for taking it without standing up for myself, and a bit resentful, to be honest.
Any thoughts most welcome.

Dee74

Hi Sally

One of the hardest things I had to learn was that I don;t get to set the timetable for others forgiving me....sometimes it was a lot longer than I wanted it to be, and sometimes that forgiveness never happened at all.

It is what it is.

I can't make others feel the way I want them to feel...I can only look to my reactions and do my best in my recovery.

Sometimes criticism is warranted and I'll do my best to take it on board...other times it's not warranted and I've tried my best to understand where it's coming from in the people criticising me.

I'm sorry you were upset - I can only say I'm really proud to see the progress you're making and I'm really looking forward to following your journey as you keep moving onwards, Sally

D

Sally1009

Thanks so much, Dee, for that. I expect I am being a bit over-sensitive. My daughter has always been very critical of me, long before I ever drank alcoholically. I do believe in accepting criticism; I think it is how we learn about ourselves, and our effect on others. But it hurts sometimes, doesn't it?
I will ask my HP not to be so thin-skinned!

Sapling

Here's a good story to read...You ever read this Sally?

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org....earlyall14.pdf

Sally1009

Aw, thanks for that, Sapling. Yes, I certainly have read it, its one of my favourite chapters. Going to re-read it now

Sapling

Cool...I like that one too.

RobbyRobot

Hi Sally,

Have no worries about being wobbly. In our early sobriety it is not remakable to sometimes be unsure or unclear exactly what to do when people we love seem to not be as supportive as we need, or even want.

Dee really nailed it, and i'm glad you found solace in his share, Sally.

Be of good cheer!

There is more discovery yet to be made, and things will not always be wobbly, so just let things be as they are, and know that eventually you'll change so much, these kinds of challenges will not surpass you.

I too look forward to your awesome journey with sobriety, Sally. You're good people.

tomsteve

the 10th step has worked for me every time.

it is also important for me to remember that even after i have made amends( which is more than telling people i am sorry) i am not a doormat.

your sobreity date says 10/2/2012. it takes T.I.M.E. for people to see we have changed.

Sally1009

Thanks all. I needed your comments. I think being away from home ( had to drive 300 miles to my daughter's house) makes me feel a bit out of my comfort zone, and I get ridiculously homesick! Pathetic, isn't it!
I also think that fundamentally I am just terrified that I am going to lose my girl - she didn't speak to me for the whole of 2010. And the reason for that fear has to be the loss of my husband. My son Peter, who drove up with me for this visit, was jumping on my grandsons huge trAmpoline. I was sick with worry that they would break their necks, and be paralysed, so I hovered over them, actually climbing on the trampoline itself, instructing them to tuck their chins onto their chests! My daughter criticised me for that too, telling me I was teaching them to be afraid..
Maybe she's right. But I think in time it will fade.
Anyhoo, thanks for all your kind advice. I feel so much better now. I'm going to go to a meeting in an hour, then explore this gorgeous city of Brighton.

Sapling

Beautiful....Sounds great Sally....I don't think you were teaching them to be afraid...I think you were doing what mothers do....And your daughter sounds like she was doing what daughters do....It's all in love Sally. Have a great meeting and a great day!...See ya later!

tomsteve

sally, ive been sober for a lil while. i have my mother living with me as she has dimentia and cant live alone. i get times i need a break so she goes to my sisters for a while. i usually get on my motorcycle and take off for a few days. i feel great when the journey starts, but then start getting homesick! man, i get on my bike to get away from home, then i want to be back there!! LOLOLOOL. crazy.

it can be tough watching kids be kids. IMO, ya werent instructing them to be afraid, just safe. it can help some, but kids will be kids. turn yer back on em and they can do it anyways. after all, look at us. how many times did we hear alcohol was destroying our lives and we didnt listen?

take a camera with ya as ya explore the city. i know i'd like to see pictures of it.

Sally1009

Ha! Forgot my camera alas! Anyway, don't know how to upload photos!