bloss

Still here, same sobriety date. It has been a difficult few weeks. I have identified one trigger that leads to an urge. Lately, realize my sister seems to bring out the "want to fix it" side of me. Never works, my trusted sober confidante indicated I have to just let her talk/be her and I should not attempt to "fix" her issues. I am really trying to do this, but she sees me as her big sister. Yesterday, I told her I will listen, but I can't give advice. I think she just wants to let off steam. However, it seems to just suck the energy out of the room. I love her and want things to go well for her, but, I have to really pray before I see her. I don't want to cut off contact with her, so I will take the suggestion given: love her, listen kindly and let her be her, no fix necessary. See how this works for awhile.

doggonecarl

I thought that was just a guy thing...wanting to provide solutions to someone's problems.

I'm the oldest brother to four sisters. It has taken me years and years to realize that when my sisters are asking, "What should I do?" they really are just asking for affirmation.

I think you are on the right track.

nel68

Bloss, I understand where your coming from. I have a little brother and he as lots and lots of problems. It is just me and my brother and my kids now. I was always the one helping everyone with their problems or taking care of family....Funny since I wasn't helping myself all those years...Everyone just kinda depended on me.... Sometimes when I am talking to him it just gets me all crazy with worry, same with my kids. I do feel a trigger when I am around/talking with them and there is yet another drama going on....Hang in there you have been so fantastic in your recovery!!... Say the Serenity prayers it helps me to calm my nerves....I think the suggestion given to you is a good/loving one for you and her....Your a great inspiration!♥

CarolD

Prayers for both of you to find harmony and peace....

Many people find reading "Co Dependtant No More" by M. Beattie
useful. I don't know if it fits your situation or not.

bloss

Thanks for the kind replies.

sugarbear1

Sometimes people just want to be heard and have their feelings validated.

Sometimes people want suggestions on what to do.

People often don't know what they really want.....or how to say it.

Listen and listen well. It helps.

Being helpful isn't always being useful. There is a difference.

I like how you are just going to listen to her, that is really what most of us want.

Have a beautiful sober day today!