violetflame

It's funny how we play games with ourselves. I am an expert on making plans. Like Today I will go to AA. I will read Rational Recovery. I will go to a meditation and prayer group or a Unity Service. The only place I can usually drag myself to is the Gym and well, I can usually talk myself into drinking after that. I made this list of why I need to stop drinking on another post:

Reasons:

Because I am sick of all this extra weight I am carrying physically and emotionally. Because I am sick of being sick and tired. Because I am tired of being late for work and being stressed and worried about getting caught. Because I am done fighting with my daughter! Decrease Negative thinking, anxiety, depression, Improve my mental health, take less pills have more energy,Feel good about myself, Attract a mate and GET OUT OF THIS RUT. I feel like I am in that movie Groundhog day in which I am living the same damn day over and over again. If I don't change nothing around me is going to change and I KNOW This. I am just so mad at myself I don't know why I am so weak!

MWL1983

Self-knowledge has never stopped me from picking up a drink. I'll do it at the worst times too - before a special occasion, after I've detoxed, right after I've been discharged from the ER (as a result of drinking), before deadlines, after deadlines, after the gym, instead of the gym, after a meeting, or before a meeting, etc.

You think I'd have learned a long time ago that if I drink, I'm just going back on that roller coaster again. You'd think that all the evidence and self-knowledge would be enough to convince me to not pick up that first drink. I've said many times, "I'll stop after X number of drinks" only to drink more than I'd intended. You'd think I'd realized long ago that my partner, who supports me in sobriety and has suffered through my alcoholism, knows when I've had a drink and that I'd understand how damaging that is to our relationship. You think I'd understand that my partner will only tolerate so many relapses.

In my experience, consequences and self-knowledge have never been sufficient to prevent me from picking up the 1st drink.

I need AA and a higher power of my own understanding for that.

Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
A) That we were alcoholic and could not control our own lives.
B) That no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
C) That god (or a higher power as you understand it) could and would if he were sought.

If you can't stay sober on your own, and the people of AA can't keep you sober, then you've got one option left - a higher power of your own understanding. That or inpatient treatment (you'll still need the higher power afterwards, in my experience).

If you insist on relying on another human to help keep you sober, how heavily are you relying on them? In that moment you feel the urge to drink, are you picking up the phone to call another alcoholic? Bill Wilson, trapped in the Mayflower hotel with not enough money to travel home after a failed business venture, had the same choice. He could go to the cocktail lounge or he could call another alcoholic. Bill W made 10 phone calls before he found what he needed to stay sober. Are you willing to do this?

This has been my experience. Other methods (recovery programs) work, but this is what's working for me.


BB quotes-First Edition

akfromwa

For whats it's worth I'm kind of in the same rut. I've put on quite a bit of weight from my drinking, eating poorly and lack of giving a you know what. I was going to the gym then I'd stick the meetings and get drunk. This time I'm going to wait until I have some permanently sober before I start hitting the gym.

Hang in there! And remember what your priority is...

violetflame

My problem is if I don't go to the gym I get even more depressed. And I drink more. At least there I see people and get out of my head. Also, it helps me maintain my weight at least . The only thing that stops me from taking a 4th or 5th drink is forcing myself to eat. So I have to do something to counteract the nightly drinking and then eating. But, anyway, thanks for your input. I have so many changes to make, but I know the drinking is the #1 thing I need to change

CarolD

I think all of us were fearful of making changes in our routine.

I do want to share about my depression....the last 5 years or so
that I was a drinker...I too had daily depression.

Took various drugs to get mentally healthy...not one worked.
Finally...psychiatrist #3 diagnosed me with situational depression.
He suggested I quit and connect to AA.

I was not thrilled at either idea but that dark cloud was sooo
envasive ....off I went.

Rather quickly the depression began to lift...I took no drugs..I was sober By the end of 2 months of AA recovery...it had vanished
It's not returned during my last 23 years.

This may or may not happen for you ...but Gee!
please give yourself a chance to find out....

Be brave....change your direction ..your way is not working.