NewHouse2012

Hi guys, so I've been going to AA meetings and am slowly getting warmed up. I'm pretty shy but know what needs to be done, so I keep on coming back. I try to talk to people after the meeting which has been good.

My next on the to do list is to get a sponsor. I have no idea how to do this as I don't want to ask anyone to be my sponsor yet. The idea of a sponsor is so personal that it seems like going on a date with someone! Ahhh rambling. Anyway, can anyone share with me how you found a sponsor? Also, how is it done? You just go up to people and ask them? Or is there a list you choose from volunteers? I just dont know where to go from here, but I do need a sponsor. Im new at this whole AA thing.

Any experience/info would be so appreciated.

pipparina

What helped me was to talk to people I heard share that I could identify with. What you could do is go to coffee after a meeting with someone you think could be a good fit, and just chat. Get to know the person a little.

That is what I did. Then, when I had to ask her to be my sponsor (which terrified me!), she said "I thought i already was!".

Some meetings also have a list of people looking for sponsees. Not sure how well that works only because I think it is important to be a good fit. But you can always start there.

NewHouse2012

Awesome! Thanks so much!
Super scary for me even to have coffee afterwards with someone. Just need to keep going, get familiar with the people then let the rest come with the sponsor and all. Wish we could just be assigned one lol!

hypochondriac

This concept terrifies me too Newhouse... 'Hey, would you like to be my sponsor so I can burden you with all my baggage..?'. I think it would be easier to ask someone out on a date! x

Sapling

It's not like that at all....People are honored to do it...It shows you are willing to do the steps and that's what AA is all about. I listened in meetings for someone that talked about the steps...Looked confident and happy with the program they worked....Asked other people about this person....Got good feedback and after a meeting I went up to him and asked if he would take me through the steps....He said he would be honored....And we got to work. He mentioned to me that he would be my temporary sponsor so if it didn't work out...There wouldn't be any hard feelings....14 months later he still my sponsor today....If I need him for anything...He's there.

Boleo

You are making way too big a deal out of it. You can always fire your sponsor just as an employer can fire a bad employee. You are in the drivers seat right up till the point your sponsor gives you their requirements.

bbthumper

It may seem like that, but it is not. Sponsors need not be burdened with anyones baggage. A sponsor should point you in the direction of a higher power who will gladly take all of your baggage.
An individual who has worked steps 1-11 needs to sponsor you. They will want to sponsor you. SPonsorship, carrying the message to another, is crucial for spiritual growth. Without it we move backwards spiritually and for many this means relapse.
That being said, a good place to start is to let a secretary at the meeting know you are looking for a sponsor and see if they can recommend someone. Or if you have someone in mind, just ask. Like I said, an individual who has worked the steps is going to jump at the opportunity to sponsor you. If they don't then that is not the person you wanted sponsoring you anyway.

CarolD

Before I agree to sponsor ....I suggest the new member read the
official AA guideline on Sponsorship.

Many meetings have it on the free literature rack and it's online

Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

Then we get together to discuss it and it's a good way to
know what is expected from both of us IMO

So pleased to know you are interested....

Sally1009

If I were you I would get some numbers off people you are drawn to, appear to be happy in their recovery, have at least two years sobriety, and phone them regularly. Find out how busy they are - some may reject you only because they have other sponsees, and their lives are packed. Find out how close they live, because it's nice to be able to visit them regularly, and go from there. Choose a person who you feel you can easily connect to.
Good luck!

sugarbear1

We have some groups of old timers and others go out for breakfast or lunch or coffee after meetings. If you ask or talk with people, there's usually room for more! It's good to talk with others over some coffee/food, just to get others' opinions.

Phone calls help, too. Just getting to know others is a new experience. For me, everything was scary in the beginning, today, more people are talking with me as I keep coming back.... It's a process of change for me.

Keep coming back!

PaperDolls

I felt the exact same way you do NewHouse! I felt like I was asking someone for their hand in marriage. I finally sucked it up and asked someone. It was so worth it.

Now that I sponsor people I get it .... I NEED to sponsor people. I WANT people to ask. Sponsoring people is a HUGE part of my recovery today and I'm not sure where I would be without it.

What you're feeling is normal so just remember that whomever you ask probably felt similarly and understand completely what you're going through.

Congrats on your sober time!

cmason249

I went to AA for about a month. There were times I felt I wanted a sponsor. Other times I felt like I had stepped into a cult. Sometimes it was just SO different. Please don't take this as me attacking AA. I am going back tomorrow. I find that the more I think about it, I DO want a sponsor, but (this may be the dumbest thing anyone has ever heard) I think I want a fellow combat veteran as a sponsor. Strange... I didn't realize I even had "requirements" or that I was even still thinking about it. Thanks for the post!

DayTrader

Keeping it inside - that you want/need a sponsor doesn't work so well - didn't for me anyway. A strong AA member encouraged me to"put it out into the universe so God can work on it with/ for you." That meant I had to TELL ppl I wanted a sponsor. As I talked about it more, that right person showed up in my life.

Another great tip is to ask ppl in the group who they'd recommend. Funny enuf, nobody recommended the polo thought would be good for me. These other members had a much better idea of who'd be a good sponsor than I did.

tomsteve

as sugarbear pointed out, goin out for coffee/ dinner after a meeting is a good way to see how people are outside of a meeting. we alcoholics dont have terrible memories. many of us can recite the BB, which page this or that is on and all that good stuff inside a meeting. the footwork starts on the other side of the walls and goin to coffee/dinner can show who is really practicing the principles in all their affairs.

DayTrader

Meant: recommended the PEOPLE I thought....

Darn autocorrect!

wow04

I was lucky that my first sponsor found me. She seen me in a meeting and told me I needed to work the steps or die. We started the steps that next day. When she passed away I asked her sponsor to be my sponsor. I then moved and kept the same sponsor. That sponsor decided to start drinking again. I then asked someone where I live now to be my sponsor.

What keeps us sober is helping others. I also need to sponsor people and work the steps with them. No one is putting their baggage on me. It helps us just as much as it helps the newcomer.

Find someone who has the recovery that you want!

NewHouse2012

Hi guys. Just an update that I found a sponsor today. I'm not quite sure what I do now. We have exchanged numbers and found we live nearby. We have plans to work on the steps next week. Does this sound like the right track? Any more info or suggestions would be great. Also she said she would start with being my temporary sponsor. What does this mean? Thx

PaperDolls

To me, temp sponsor means we'll get to know each other first to make sure we click. That's not how I prefer to do it but there's nothing wrong with it.

I suggest you meet soon to talk about your expectations or each other. May be discuss your stories. These things will help you decide if you're both comfortable with moving forward.

Once you decide to move forward, make plans to meet at least once a week. I like to make up a set day (ie every Wednesday at 6). it just makes things easier.

Then get started ..... get right into the big book and start taking the steps with your sponsors guidance.

Good luck!

Sapling

Temporary is good...If for some reason you two don't gel...You can part ways with no hard feelings....Good job. Just a suggestion...But you might want to call her later...Just to say hello...That you're doing good and you're looking forward to working the steps. Shows willingness....Read the first 164 pages of the book and study the first 103.

NewHouse2012

Yes. We texted each other and I expressed my appreciation and gratitude. That is great that I know what she meant by temporary now. I'm looking forward to meeting with her and pray that this will help me.

Before I went to the meeting today my mind told me that the meetings may be a waste of time but something told me to get my tush in there. So glad I did because I got one step closer to sponsor and working the steps. Shed a lot of tears in that meeting today. Felt crazy but touched. I pray I find this thing called higher power. I feel in a weird way it was showing through today. Thanks guys.