parents that drink
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 590
I don't want to put words in anybody elses mouth but I don't think the OP was saying she condems or is judging anyone. I think she was trying to explain that this subject is a trigger for her due to her background.
I know this may also make some feel bad knowing that they create a trigger for someone else. But that's the fine line we all walk, as no matter what we say it is bound to trigger someone else. All we can do is realize that we all belong here reguardless of our backgrounds. And talk to each other in a graceful and dignified manner.
I would have a really hard time believing anyone on this site is judging anyone.
If I'm wrong on this feel free to tell me to shut up.
I know this may also make some feel bad knowing that they create a trigger for someone else. But that's the fine line we all walk, as no matter what we say it is bound to trigger someone else. All we can do is realize that we all belong here reguardless of our backgrounds. And talk to each other in a graceful and dignified manner.
I would have a really hard time believing anyone on this site is judging anyone.
If I'm wrong on this feel free to tell me to shut up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by polaris 
They are suffering the same problem as you, and condemnation and guilt-tripping will solve nothing (if not exasperate) it.
Yes, I am a parent. Yes I am an alcoholic. Yes I drank in front of my kids and blacked out while I was the only parent home. Am I proud of that? Not even close. I realize I made many, many mistakes and my children have been the ones to suffer the most. I will have to live the rest of my life with the memories of my 11 year old daughter not wanting her friends to come over because of my drinking. I have to live with waking up and not having any idea how I got home from the restaurant/bar with my son. I have to live with my youngest son talking to his friend about how much he hates beer because of what it has done to our family.
Trust me, I am angry and bitter at myself more than you could know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Agreed: All my deepest, rawest regrets revolve around the inescapable conclusion that I was not the parent my daughter deserved.
But there's another side to that coin: My greatest moments of gratitude now revolve around the simplest acts of parenting. Tucking her into bed at night, and chatting a bit too long, instead of hurrying her off to sleep so I can get back to my drinks. Being awoken by her at 5 a.m.—"Can we play with my dolls?"—and smiling about it.
There are so many great stories here on SR. I know folks who have reconnected with adult children after years of estrangement. How amazing is that?
Pretty awesome what can happen when you flip over that coin.
But there's another side to that coin: My greatest moments of gratitude now revolve around the simplest acts of parenting. Tucking her into bed at night, and chatting a bit too long, instead of hurrying her off to sleep so I can get back to my drinks. Being awoken by her at 5 a.m.—"Can we play with my dolls?"—and smiling about it.
There are so many great stories here on SR. I know folks who have reconnected with adult children after years of estrangement. How amazing is that?
Pretty awesome what can happen when you flip over that coin.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
I don't know - I can't even figure out why I picked booze over others; and it was my own brain that did it.
My parents were alcoholic, but having traveled the path through my own alcoholism, I have found compassion for them. Through all it, I still loved my parents. Maybe having lived in their own parent's alcoholic homes, they may have learned certain ways of handling life, through booze, the miracle worker that lies, during times of distress, just as I did.
But I had six other siblings that grew up in that same home I did, and three of us became alcoholic, the other four are "abolishionists" that never drank to excess, and one of my sisters had two beers in college, got sick, and never drank again. They handled life different than I, so there goes that theory of mine.
I don't have children, but nieces and nephews that have seen me drunk. I am guilty of ruining special events with my "special" drunken behavior, and they remember it. My siblings found recovery as well, and the two remaining survivors are breathing a sigh of relief that we've found a better way, and have hopefully broken the cycle that has been rooted in the family tree for a long, long time.
What the nieces and nephews are seeing is a new type of living and people handling life on life's terms - and we are all grateful for it.
They've also seen first-hand that not everyone survives alcoholism.
That's my spin on it, anyway...
But for parents reading this thread, I think getting yourself sober is the best thing you can do for you and your kids. I don't have kids, but I know - oh, boy, do I know - that no one beats us up like we do ourselves. No one is judging. We've all been there - we know. We're here to help.
My parents were alcoholic, but having traveled the path through my own alcoholism, I have found compassion for them. Through all it, I still loved my parents. Maybe having lived in their own parent's alcoholic homes, they may have learned certain ways of handling life, through booze, the miracle worker that lies, during times of distress, just as I did.
But I had six other siblings that grew up in that same home I did, and three of us became alcoholic, the other four are "abolishionists" that never drank to excess, and one of my sisters had two beers in college, got sick, and never drank again. They handled life different than I, so there goes that theory of mine.
I don't have children, but nieces and nephews that have seen me drunk. I am guilty of ruining special events with my "special" drunken behavior, and they remember it. My siblings found recovery as well, and the two remaining survivors are breathing a sigh of relief that we've found a better way, and have hopefully broken the cycle that has been rooted in the family tree for a long, long time.
What the nieces and nephews are seeing is a new type of living and people handling life on life's terms - and we are all grateful for it.
They've also seen first-hand that not everyone survives alcoholism.
That's my spin on it, anyway...
But for parents reading this thread, I think getting yourself sober is the best thing you can do for you and your kids. I don't have kids, but I know - oh, boy, do I know - that no one beats us up like we do ourselves. No one is judging. We've all been there - we know. We're here to help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I was ready to come back today, to start again...
I'm a single parent. My son was born when I was 21, I didn't even think about drinking being a problem then. It wasn't, I went on to study towards an IT degree, run a business and work part time all at the same time. My daughter born after 7 years with my ex when I was 33 after I'd been told I couldn't have any more children (I knew I didn't want any more). I no longer worked, studied or ran the business. In fact I learned the best way to avoid being called the C word was to do nothing. 'til he kicked the sh1t out of me 3 weeks post C-section. Called the police on him, got him removed and that was that...
So life with a baby that wasn't planned, my relationship strained with the son I'd always given everything to - I wanted to sit down at 7pm and have a drink.
And yes it got more... and more... and more... until I recognised this needs to stop. I came here. I wanted to come back again today, to say, jeez last fortnight hasn't been great. It's not been a massive bender, but I've drank on 6 nights.
Yes - the truth hurts! Deeply. I'm sure parents with a drink problem that are posting here know that more than anybody. It's the one's who aren't posting that need to be worried about.
I'll be back tomorrow. I'll check in on my usual threads. I was going to post my own but won't because I'll feel judged.
I'm an alcoholic single parent who feels worse now than she did already.
I'm a single parent. My son was born when I was 21, I didn't even think about drinking being a problem then. It wasn't, I went on to study towards an IT degree, run a business and work part time all at the same time. My daughter born after 7 years with my ex when I was 33 after I'd been told I couldn't have any more children (I knew I didn't want any more). I no longer worked, studied or ran the business. In fact I learned the best way to avoid being called the C word was to do nothing. 'til he kicked the sh1t out of me 3 weeks post C-section. Called the police on him, got him removed and that was that...
So life with a baby that wasn't planned, my relationship strained with the son I'd always given everything to - I wanted to sit down at 7pm and have a drink.
And yes it got more... and more... and more... until I recognised this needs to stop. I came here. I wanted to come back again today, to say, jeez last fortnight hasn't been great. It's not been a massive bender, but I've drank on 6 nights.
Yes - the truth hurts! Deeply. I'm sure parents with a drink problem that are posting here know that more than anybody. It's the one's who aren't posting that need to be worried about.
I'll be back tomorrow. I'll check in on my usual threads. I was going to post my own but won't because I'll feel judged.
I'm an alcoholic single parent who feels worse now than she did already.
Please don't let this stop you coming back.We can't control what others think or how they judge us-we can only do what we need to do to get sober. Hope you come back to class soon.x
Getting Healthy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Neverland
Posts: 539
I can surely see your point of view. For me I did not being super boy into an alcoholic home. Oddly, I became an alcoholic after he was born. It is weird and odd. Crazy. Looking back at myself I am thinking wtf was wrong with me. I think it originally started out as a way to handle stress over his medical problems. Stupid I know. I quit when he was around 2.5 years. I too grew up in an unstable home. I no longer wanted to be unstable for my son. I feel better about my relationship with him. Now I need to work on my relationship with my husband.
I looked like that holdin beer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
Wow, thanks for all your honest sincere post. I have learned a lot and am truly humbled by you guys again. For those that think I am judging, no, that was not my intention, although there is/was sometimes a component of anger and or judgment in my heart when I read some of the parent’s posts. Mainly that happens with post from parents that are blacking out, being abusive, driving drunk, (I drove drunk a couple times and obviously endangered other peoples kids on the road) and endangering their kids. I am talking about the posts wherein there doesn’t seem to be progress in recovery, but I know posting here is a start and maybe someday they will choose to get more help. It is just hard to determine whether a tough love approach is best or gentle support. I guess if I don’t know, it is better to say nothing.
Also, my intention was not to make people feel guilty, because I would not want guilt to get in the way of any parent’s recovery. Lord knows I tend to let guilt get in the way of my thinking almost each day. For all I know, maybe I would have wound up being an alcoholic parent myself. I am sure that is a high possibility.
In conclusion, congrats to all you wonderful parents that have chosen to quit, and thanks for being here and posting to all the parents who are struggling. You guys are really brave to face what you have been though with honesty, and I am glad that you have built or are building a great new life. You should feel good about that.
Thanks again ReadyandAble. It is amazing to me how much your words have added to healing the hurt I have inside, who would have thought that a simple post would have such an effect on me. I just never thought of it they way you expressed it.
Again, if I have offended anyone, I am sorry
Also, my intention was not to make people feel guilty, because I would not want guilt to get in the way of any parent’s recovery. Lord knows I tend to let guilt get in the way of my thinking almost each day. For all I know, maybe I would have wound up being an alcoholic parent myself. I am sure that is a high possibility.
In conclusion, congrats to all you wonderful parents that have chosen to quit, and thanks for being here and posting to all the parents who are struggling. You guys are really brave to face what you have been though with honesty, and I am glad that you have built or are building a great new life. You should feel good about that.
Thanks again ReadyandAble. It is amazing to me how much your words have added to healing the hurt I have inside, who would have thought that a simple post would have such an effect on me. I just never thought of it they way you expressed it.
Again, if I have offended anyone, I am sorry
I looked like that holdin beer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by ebshot
I think polaris has summed up how I feel as well.
Yes, I am a parent. Yes I am an alcoholic. Yes I drank in front of my kids and blacked out while I was the only parent home. Am I proud of that? Not even close. I realize I made many, many mistakes and my children have been the ones to suffer the most. I will have to live the rest of my life with the memories of my 11 year old daughter not wanting her friends to come over because of my drinking. I have to live with waking up and not having any idea how I got home from the restaurant/bar with my son. I have to live with my youngest son talking to his friend about how much he hates beer because of what it has done to our family.
Trust me, I am angry and bitter at myself more than you could know.
Yes, I am a parent. Yes I am an alcoholic. Yes I drank in front of my kids and blacked out while I was the only parent home. Am I proud of that? Not even close. I realize I made many, many mistakes and my children have been the ones to suffer the most. I will have to live the rest of my life with the memories of my 11 year old daughter not wanting her friends to come over because of my drinking. I have to live with waking up and not having any idea how I got home from the restaurant/bar with my son. I have to live with my youngest son talking to his friend about how much he hates beer because of what it has done to our family.
Trust me, I am angry and bitter at myself more than you could know.
I think is is so great that you are able to face what happened and be real and honest about it. Yup that was you, but it isn't you today. I think you will have the ability to help a lot of other people and you are showing your kids a great example. I got to the point of hitting my BF a few times on the face amongst other atrocities, and I am so ashamed of that. I know it is hard to live down what we did drunk, but hopefully it will get easier as time goes on, and we build new awesome times with the people we love.
Thanks for your post
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