newman23

Hi everyone,

I feel stuck in a routine of going to work at noon, get out, drink after I get out, sleep, get up for work, and the cycle continues. It really sucks. I feel like I might as well be dead, because the way things are now, I am not living. There is one thought that ALWAYS gets me though. "Just one more time, tonight. Then tomorrow, no more". And you know what the SICK part is? I actually end up BELIEVING it! Wth? Day in and day out, I have "just one more day". Before I know it, a week/month/year/etc has gone by. I'll try and distract myself for a bit, and the thought returns. If you've been stuck in this cycle, what really helped defeat this way of thinking? Intellectually, I understand that "just one more day is a myth". But somehow, I feel like "it" talks me into it somehow.

I do have to say just typing this out has made me feel better as I was having that thought, and it has subsided(for now). I know it will return though.

hypochondriac

I think I did the 'just one more time' thing for about 3 years Newman. I can't tell you how much booze I have poured down the drain with the full intention of quitting 'tomorrow'!

I would usually feel so ill the next day that I would drink again to make myself feel better, but try not to drink as much as I had the night before. But the problem with those one last times is that I always tended to make them a good one... and then the cycle kept on repeating itself ad nauseum...

For me AVRT really helped me stop the cycle. What I did was every night on the way home from work, I would have a debate in my head over whether or not to drink that night... when I stopped engaging with my AV that was the start of my recovery. Just that concept of recognising a thought but not acting on it was a life changer for me.

neferkamichael

Hi newman, rootin for ya. Just don't let it take a life time like it did me. Good luck.

SSIL75

Yeah I'm sure most of us can relate. For me the turning point was when I truly believed that sober life would be better than drinking life. Then there was no need or temptation to have 'one more'. One more what - crappy night feeling like a loser?

There were other things, too that helped. I basically used Rational Recovery's AVRT tool.

Welcome

Dee74

I did that for years too, Newman.
Coming here helped me break that cycle - hope we can help you do the same

welcome aboard

D

newman23

Thanks for your support! I haven't heard of AVRT before though. I think I've seen that mentioned on this forum before. I'll be doing some research on it :-)

2granddaughters

I got so sick I had to go to AA ... try not to let yourself get that bad.

All the best.

Bob R

soberbrooke

I use to say the same thing. Now I say, I will not drink today every morning, and that works! I had to get out of my own way, and let my Higher power take over. I am loving life again.

MetalChick

You are in a loop. I do that sometimes even sober. I tend to get in ruts. Anyhow, I think you need to break it up even if it is slightly. For example, getting a burger after work, going to the gym, watching a movie, playing video games, posting in SR, or anything else. I know these things do not sound as enticing as alcohol, but they will not make you feel like you want to die, and you will wake up to a way better day You can get into a positive routine after work.

I know for me I craved beer when I got out of work because I felt it was a reward for my hard days work, and I deserved to drink and relax. Right around quitting time I would automatically get that excited rush type feeling of getting to have some beers. When I changed it up, did something different, and didn't buy the alcohol the strong craving passed and pretty soon it is to late to drink and time for bed to to ready for the next day.

Hope that helps a least a little

Take care

CarolD

Welcome back...

LifeBlows

The one more time merry go round stopped for me when I got tired of being: broke, homeless, jobless, feeling ill, ashamed and anxious and the chaos in my life. Even when buying a drink, I started thinking that all this was just getting old.

sobertime1

omg that was me so me. get up go to work come home drink (even if i did not want to) drink past out wake up cry in the shower say i won't do it again then start all over after work. I did this for years- its a waste a time.
What worked for me was getting on Antabuse. this stuff saved my life. You don't have a choice you can't drink. It forced me into changing my routine for the better. Can't say enough about that med it worked. It may be what you need to break that cycle. Good luck hang in there!

ashbyee

I had that sick dialogue with myself every stinking evening on the way home from work. AVRT has helped me to interupt this vicious cycle and reframe my thinking.

Jeni26

Oh I had that inner dialogue for about 20 years. Now I've switched it to ' just one more day sober, you only need stay sober for today'.
This weekend I will have been sober for 100 days! So far, so good!x

Nevertheless

I did it for 30 years. Every morning I would say not today,until right after lunch, I would start changing my mind. 5 oclock the race was on to the beer store.
I took antabuse for a while (court ordered). But I don't think I deep down really wanted to quit back then. I think if you have your mind made up to quit ,antabuse will greatly help getting the monkey off of our backs.
I still don't really know what changed in me,that I could stay stopped. But I was a slave to alcohol most of my adult life,and I have no idea what the hell I was thinking. It was like being in prison,but all I really had to do to get out was simply walk out the door.
Fred

bbthumper

Iused to do the same thing everyday. I finally ended up in AA and learned that when it came to drinking, I really had no choice in the matter. I ALWAYS ended up drinking no matter how firm my resolution not to. THere was always a trivial excuse that I would find sufficient to pick up a drink and tell myself "one more time." Thanks to AA Im free of that now. I still dont have the strength to choose not to drink, but I dont have to make that choice anymore anyways. The desire to drink is gone thanks to the 12 steps.

CarolD

Hmmm...my expereince with the drug.

Antabuse

too used Antabuse in early sobriety.
I did drink whith it.... became so violently ill I quit the Antabuse.

And continued to drink for 4 months...
I finally quit when I red
"Under The infuence" and re newed my committment to God and AA..

The catalyst for my reaction was a single split of champagne ..18 hours after my Antabuse.

Be sure and check out the afterlife of Antabuse
I kinda remember it stays in your system 4 or 5 days
after the last pill. Also...you do need to have your
doctor monitor liver enzymes if you take the med.

I do think it can be a good start for sobriety. It does nothing for cravings.
The paper that comes with the med...recommends it be used with a program.
If you have liver problems...you can not safely take it.
Some people are very sensitive and can get a reaction from
products that have alcohol in them
think of perfume...mouthwash and hair spray. for examples.
.
It did nothing for my goal of lasting Recovery.
Glad to know Antabuse is working for some people...

Artoro

Changing habits and breaking routines is always difficult but it often helps me just to reflect on why it is difficult. I find that the answer is usually because the habit makes me feel good. The better it makes me feel, the more severe consequences I'm willing to endure. And just recognizing that voice from within, which craves for feeling good and disregards all the repercussions, was an essential step for me.

Ditto on the thumbs up for Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.

newman23

Thanks again for all the replies. My work schedule is so flexible so I am trying to get back to working from 8am-4:30pm. My drinking caused me to give that up. AVRT is something new to me but seems extremely helpful. I can practice distinguishing my thinking from alcohol obsessed part of my brain. This thing is so brutal though. When I get out of work, I try to take it an hour at a time but my alcoholic thinking convinces me that I will have a completely miserable night, void of any joy, without alcohol. Its not true, but this thought upsets me and I can feel myself getting very tense physically as a result. It feels like such a bully. I heard it does get easier overtime so that is a very big inspiration.

mwstylee

I joined this site and for more than 1 year straight, I kept telling myself "just one more time". I know exactly what you're going through. Looking back now, it seems crazy and delusional. Who the hell says "just one more time" over 400 times in a row?! Me! I did that. It's ridiculous. ****ing alcohol, man.