Bubba09

Hi all! This is my first post here so forgive me if I put it in the wrong place
So I'm on day 10! I'm 25 year old female, and I don't consider myself an alcoholic or anything and honestly I decided to give up drinking for 54 days because I was just tired of the same old routine and that every dinner, weekend, social event I feel like I had to have a drink in my hand. One Sunday I was just laying in my bed reading feeling like every week was the same and I was just like "I'm gonna stop drinking" I've also been trying o lose weight and drinking has completely screwed up every weekend.

Anyways! Now that I've been AF for ten days I really just don't see the point of going back and it made me think that maybe I did have a problem! Life is soooo much better without alcohol and I did go through withdrawal that I never even knew was symptoms of alcohol withdrawal till I quit! I had super itchy skin at night and I couldn't sleep. A bit of a sweet tooth an I've never liked sweets much before. I can honestly say I haven't gone this long without alcohol since I was probably 16,17 at the latest. I just feel so wonderful! Like blissful and grateful for every single day!

Ok on to the purpose of this post!! I've been out with friends at bars and I haven't told anyone I quit drinkinh but I still want to fit in and I find it very easy to make it "seem" like I'm drinking. I'll just go up to the bar, get a soda water with lime in a short glass, tell them I'm the DD and wanna fit in and no one even blinks an eye. I was just wondering if anyone has done this before. I don't want anyone to know... Just because that's the way I am. I guess maybe I'm just not ready to deal with the questions of why I'm not drinking because I don't have an answer. All I could probably say to someone is "try it, it's great" but I just don't want to be judged. So everyone I know still thinks I'm drinking and it's kind of fun for me to do this because it's like my own little secret! It's also fun to see my friends drunk (none of them are crazy drinkers or anything) and see how much they open up and tell me things and with my sober mind i can remember/comprehend it all.

So I guess I was just wondering if you think this is a bad idea? I don't see anything bad coming from it. I'm not lying to anyone I'm just making it look like I'm drinking...

DarkDays

IMHO the past few times I have been out no ones cares sweet Fa if I am drinking or not drinking, they dont really notice unless I tell them or make an issue out of it. Drink coke they automatically think I got JD in there or something. If they ask I just say I do not feel like it today or whatever.

Gottalife

Sounds fine to me. If your reason for not drinking is that you simply don't want to, that's your business and perfectly o.k. You don't have to explain youself to anyone. Lots of people cut back or quit all together simply as a life style choice, other things in life come along, family, friends, other interests, any number of things that offer a more satisfying way of living. All the best

instant

Stay quit while you are ahead !!! Great decision

Plenty of people choose not to drink, and it's a choice you are allowed to make. It's like smoking and not smoking. Being a vegetarian, or gluten free etc. Alcohol is a toxic addictive substance.

It's likely that the only people who will have a problem with it are other "party people" who have an issue themselves.

What is fun at 25 gets a bit stale when you are 50.

Taking5

I have done the DD thing before and walking around with a coke in a short glass with a swizzle stick and telling everyone it was coke & rum or whiskey.

You may be able to do this without a problem but I couldn't, at least not long term. After I was sober for a while I'd say "f*** it!" and ordered myself a real drink. To get any long term sobriety I had to change my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking buddies who I thought were friends). It turned out that I had very few real friends in that group. This again was just my experience, I hope yours is easier.

sugarbear1

Being healthy is a good enough reason.

FredG

IMHO - Quitting drinking - GREAT decision. Acting like you are drinking ... not so much.

When I first got sober I was told, "If you don't want to slip, stay out of slippery places". I tested this for a couple weeks. One day, I'd gone to a bar with a friend to talk. We went in at about 11 AM. I sat there with my friends, drinking cokes until about 5 PM. By that time there were lots of us. Jug of draft lining the tables. I was in a particularly deep conversation with the guy next to me and without thinking, drained my coke, poured the glass full of draft and downed it too. Went on to get good and blasted.

The good thing is that I learned that the person that told me that little saying was absolutely correct. If I sincerely wanted to stop drinking, I needed to stay away from where it was being done.

Your real friends will understand you not drinking. The others won't even miss you

Bubba09

I guess I'm not trying to pretend. It's just that I'd rather have a glass in my hand that looks like a drink and not be questioned about it...
Like some of you had said, it's my business and I feel like I shouldn't have to explain myself. Just like someone who is poisionong themselves doesn't need to explain it to me. To each their own I guess.
It's easier for me to have no one know and I don't feel pressured to drink at bars because I DONT want to DRINK...
But I still want to go out with my friends an if they go to a bar I don't want to not know just because it's a bar, they also serve food there but if I wasn't hungry I wouldn't eat anything.

CarolD

The fact you did expereince withdrawals is a red flag.
Glad you decided to stop before more serious
consequences happened.

Me? I became ashamed of my actions as a drinker.
I refuse to be ashamed of my sobriety.

I did tell all my still drinking bar fly friends I had stopped
and was committing to the AA program..
Most drifted away....which gave me time to find new sober
AA friends.

Recovery from alcoholism is a lifestyle choice.
It's not about pretend drinking or hanging in bars.

Welcome...

Threshold

Fun fact: there are lots of people who don't drink alcohol.

Not drinking alcohol is usually only a big deal if drinking alcohol was a big deal.

I've never counted how many days it was since I last ate lamb, or broccoli, or played a video game, because eating or doing those things was never a big deal to me.

Lots of people around me play lots of video games, and sure, sometimes they aske me why I don't. Eh, they just don't do much for me. We shrug and move on. On the other hand there are people who's lives are consumed by video games. They end relationships, miss work, stop eating and go into debt over it. For them NOT playing is a big deal.

I've never been one for "big announcements". I think that they invite and incite everyone to make an issue out of something that often isn't an issue. My discomfort or fears have sometimes led me to believe that others must be thinking, feeling or focusing on the same thing. Usually they are not. Announcing something puts people in a position of feeling like they are supposed to respond, like a gauntlet has been thrown down, that the announcer feels guilty or defensive or judgmental. It can invite drama, where truly none was necessary.

If I show up on thanksgiving and say out loud "You know what, I'm not eating pumpkin pie" it's going to be the topic of conversation. Aunt Joan is going to feel insulted. Bart, who's on his third slice is going to feel judged. Cindy is going to roll her eyes and wonder why I think anyone cares....If I just pass on dessert no big deal.

I went to my son's wedding this weekend. I don't drink alcohol anymore. Guess how many people gave a rat's patootie? Exactly none.

I expect, among a group that size, that there were others who didn't drink alcohol. If so, I didn't notice. Some people probably passed on the salad bar too.

DayTrader

A big part of my personal recovery has been recovering from the fear that I need others to think a certain way about me for me to be ok. Added to that was recovering from the delusion that it's healthy for me to try to manipulate what others think about me.

I've lived large chunks of my life trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I was operating under the mistaken belief that if "they" liked me, then I would be happy. Yanno, it didn't work out all that well..... turns out, "they" are damn hard to please 24/7.

MissyShelle76

I think what is helping me this go around is everyone knows I have returned to my former "health kick" 5 years ago, I lost 70 lbs through a very clean diet and exercise. I've also gotten into more alternative, natural based things for beauty and overall health. So I just tell everyone drinking is on a hiatus since it's not helping with weight loss/overall health.

I'm a bit gun shy to say I am quitting because I have a problem since I relapsed big time. I don't want to be under a magnifying glass right now. It won't help me.

But I do know me too well, I can't go out and pretend to drink while not drinking. IT's too tempting for me. I figure at some point, like last time, the people who are my true friends will still be around. My drinking buddies will weed themselves out.

I guess I'm also "lucky" that I am about to begin 5 classes at University to finish my degree. Having to study all the time is also a good excuse for not going out.

Once I feel more stable in my sobriety, I'll start opening up to people.

But in the end, to most of the world, it's none of their business why I am doing. IT only matters to me (and those that truly matter in my life) that I am doing it.

Live2Run25

You may be surprised.. when I told my friends I wasn't drinking, shortly after I found out 2 other friends were going sober as well. They might be doing the same thing as you. Be the role model!

Shadydeal

Truthfully I don't know of anything positive that comes from drinking! So, good for you!

Pigtails

Try not to care so much about fitting in or what other people think of you. I know this is easier said than done and I'm trying to put it into practice myself. I've noticed that one of my underlying issues, something that keeps me in a cycle of low self-esteem and drinking, is wanting approval from other people and caring more about what they think about me or how they are feeling than I do about what I think about myself or how I'm feeling.

Another thing is that if your friends are normal drinkers who go and have a drink or two at the bar sometimes and then go home, that's one thing but if they are heavy drinkers who are part of the bar scene then you will likely get tired of being around drunk people while you're sober. At least I do. There are so many better things to do with your time than drink, pretend to drink/fit in with drinkers, or hang out at places that revolve around people turning off their brains and filling their throats with alcohol! Just my opinion of course. Good luck and I wish you the best.