Zee

Why can't I have half a pint of lager in the pub on a warm evening? This is the first real bad craving I have had in nearly 11 months sober. I can't drink because of my liver. But right now I seriously want to! I feel like the only person in the world who isn't in the pub tonight! Gahhhhh!

Rant over.

Dee74

I'm not in a pub right now Zee - so thats two of us

The way I figure it....when I was drinking my world was my room, my drinking buddys house or the pub...

now I'm sober - the possibilities of life are endless - and my world is wide open

I'm happier, I'm healthier, I like who I am, I have a purpose in my life and someone who loves me. I even have a few quid in the bank.....

and all I had to do to achieve that is give up drinking.

It's a good deal IMO

D

doggonecarl

I did a lot of reflecting about my drinking in the first few months of recovery. And I too wanted to be a "normal" drinker. But my reflection revealed to me that I wasn't a normal drinker, hadn't been one in years, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I would NEVER become a normal drinker. Never, ever. So why even think about about. If I couldn't ever be normal, then I could never drink. That realization that I would be sober forever was the breakthrough for me. No more struggling about someday drinking.

I'll live with the fact that I drank my allotment up.

Zebra1275

I'm not in a pub right now either, so that makes three of us!

Zee

Thanks guys. The urge has nearly gone, most of the pubs are closed now. I also started thinking how I was this time last year. I was swelling up with fluid, I was skeletal thin, I had a rash all over my torso (I'd forgotten about that) I was vomiting daily. I am maybe just coming to the realisation that its never never never ever for me. I have no doubt that I will feel like this again, but its just an urge, the AV I suppose. I'm not in any programme... just SR... yes, you guys out there I'm coming up for one year soon, and although I have my anxiety, I'm getting my life back together. Onwards and upwards! Thank you SR! xxx

Live2Run25

I'm not in a pub! I find it hard to not to analyze it, but it just comes to down, I can't be normal. I hope you are over the craving now. =)

zanzibar

Seal this post of yours in mat tac, attach it to your fridge, and read it every time you get the urge. Also, I'm not in a pub either.

reggiewayne

For me to ask "why can't I drink normally" is like asking why can't I be taller or a different race. You just can't simply change any of that stuff.

Look at it this way, a lot of people with our condition are miserable, lost, in hospitals, in jail, or dead. Also, remember... "nomies" don't get the same thing out of that beer as we do. If they did, they'd be alcoholics to... They are not better at fighting off the urge to get drunk than we are. They simply don't have the urge or desire.

Best of luck!

DoinThis

When I feel like u did Zee I think of it like a cancer patient asking 'why me?'. Then I think I'm so lucky it's not cancer I have because I can do something about this disease. X

ReadyAndAble

If I had the proverbial magic wand, being normal (whatever that means—more on that in a moment) would not be my first choice. Being an occasional, moderate drinker would be better than active alcoholism, for sure. But my top choice is what I am now, however you care to define it. I've gained a lot from this journey, including a deeper appreciation for life than I ever felt before. I definitely wouldn't trade that for the occasional Bud Light.

Now, as to the whole concept of "normal." Humans have been sporting our current anatomical look for about 200,000 years, and only drinking for the last 12,000. And the farther back you go along that timeline, the less common drinking becomes, liquor stores being few and far between.

Now think about your own life. Most people go through their entire childhood without ever thinking, Hey, I need a drink to relax, or, Hey, this would be a lot more fun if I had a drink. There's a reason for that.

So what's so normal about drinking? Abstinence, from both the biological and the historical perspective, is the norm.

Cool, huh? It means next time you're surrounded by drinkers, you can consider yourself the normal one.

onlythetruth

I'd rather be "one of us" than a "normie" with terminal cancer. I have a choice. They don't.

lilyrosemary

i want to thank you all for the posts, for zee for asking the question, for reggiewayne for the simplicity of the fact that normies just dont get the same effect out of a beer as we do, for dointhis for the cancer reference and for readyandable about the fact that we as children needed no booze to live....all so very simple and so very true. i havent had a drink for 2.5 years and last night i took my husband and kids out to eat for his birthday and a few of them had drinks and i had a slight craving to be a normie....i loved reading this today and realize i am the normie! haha.

tomsteve

"normies" may be able to have one or 2 drinks and walk away, but what about the rest of their life? does being able to have one or 2 and walk away mean the rest of their life is good? does it mean they still dont have problems in their head?

from personal experience, no. they can have problems they have to trudge through,too. they can have mental, emotional, and spiritual warfare goin on too.
normal aint all its cracked up to be.

onlythetruth

I've heard it said that "normal...is a cycle on the washing machine."

Db1105

The fickle, finger of fate has chosen me to be an alcoholic. Oh well, it just is. I've accepted it and have moved on with my life, with a lot of help and the 12 steps of AA.

Zee

Thank you all, and reggiewayne, the irony is that I lost my tee-total mother to cancer 2 years ago. Probably the lowest point of my life plus the alcohol was taking over me at the same time.

BTW, I'm cold turkey on the coffee now. Nearly 2 days!

SR

choublak

No, you can't change any of that stuff. But you can take the shame you feel, and change it into pride.

SSIL75

It's kind of a trick question. Only alcoholics want SO SO BADLY to be normies .

Normal drinkers... well they don't really care either way.

MalkavianEmily

There's been a couple of times when I've 'just had a half'. When I was making a real effort not to look like I drank much. All it did was persuade me that I could indeed 'drink like nice people'.
Would I like to be one of those people who has 'just a half' once in a while? I'm not sure. I wasn't somebody who drank because they liked the taste, but because they liked the effect. I've seen people buying beer at 4% or less and asking them (in my head), "So, you actually like that p1ss?'

Jfanagle

There are so many good posts that as I read them I really didn't think I had too much to add. I can say that after 13 years of being a sober alcoholic and having all the great experiences that come with that life I do know what it is to have cancer as well. So I will add that.

Why me? The obvious answer is "why not?" That is really the same answer for why am I an alcoholic, it is just what life served up. I am doing fine in all respects and one thing I have learned is that no matter what our lot in life is, it is with in our power to decide to do our best with what we have on our plate.

Take my word for it, sober living comes with problems just like everyone else's life does. So if you consider that we alcoholics are subject to all of life's ups and downs, we are really just like "normies."

Fight the good fight and make sure that at the end of each day you can say that you have done your best and that will be enough.

Best wishes and good luck,

Jon