LifeBlows

Would you go to a meeting where you knew you would run into a co-worker?
I just started working full time hours at my job this week. There is a girl there that always talked about how she didn't like closing shifts because she couldn't get to her 'meetings.' She eventually confirmed that she was a friend of Bill by telling me that she had stopped drinking a year ago. Just to clarify when I say work with: its a fast food place, we work the back together nearly every day as we are the two full timers. She is like a supervisor because she has the most experience. We are usually no more than 6 feet apart for sometimes up to 6 hours at a go.

Anyway, today is Friday and I have a bit of money and although I didn't have cravings I did have thoughts of drinking so I decided to take special precautions to guard my sobriety by going to a meeting. I had never been to a meeting in this city before as I had just moved here so it took me a while to find it so I walked in 3 minutes late. The meeting had already started and it was someone's anniversary. So people are getting up and talking about how **co-worker's name**'s 1 year is coming up.

The birthday girl was in the first row and I was in the last so I could only see in the back of her head so I asked the person to the left of me for the name of the birthday girl. And the birthday girl said something from her seat and I was sure it was her. So I left.

I left because it was supposed to be a closed meeting and I really wanted to share stuff about my boyfriend's addiction and so on and I just didn't feel comfortable doing that with a co-worker present. I am afraid of the potential repercusions of doing so. She is a great worker but I don't feel comfortable with her. There is a hardness about her that makes me feel wary.

Also, I've shared information about my drinking at another job with someone who said she was a social worker and fellow sufferer. This woman then proceeded to come over and smell my breath EVERY DAY and ask intrusive questions about how I was working my program. Plus she told people about it too. She talked about her own problems sometimes but mainly about mine. It was awful. It was one of the reasons I ended up quitting.

I mean its easier to find another meeting than it is to find another job, right?

CarolD

As she was celebrateing at that meeting it is her AA home group.

LB you are off to a fresh start with both your job and sobreity.
Soooo....why not find another meeting at least for awhile?

Yes...I did take a co worker to my AA meeting because he asked
where I went for lunch. We continued to attend for about 3
years ..then I re located. We remain sober decades later.

The difference is I was already sober and he had just de toxed. So our situation does not fit yours.

I'm glad you are working full time and are exploreing AA..

sugarbear1

Find other meetings if you are uncomfortable.

Are you looking for a sponsor at this time? Being guided through the steps will give you the relief and freedom that we crave.

Love,

Nevertheless

First off,what happens at meetings,what is said at meetings,stays at meetings.
Secondly,your first experience reflects that people are people. And some (a lot of)people just can't keep a secret.
On the other hand,the girl you are now talking about might be nervous about you not keeping the secret also,even though she already admitted she is a friend of Bills,and seems to openly talk about "meetings".
I would at least give her a chance. You have only known her for a week. Working together 6 hours a day, I have a feeling you will know in another few days just what kind of person she is. Who knows,you might wind up really good friends. But I do think it's wise not to show your cards until you get a good look at some of hers. I think it is better to find a sponsor and talk to them about personal things,than to openly talk about things to a group at a meeting.
As far as being easier to find a different meeting than a job,only you can answer that. We have no idea how populated of an area you live in.
Fred

Mark75

I think you should do what makes you comfortable now. Maybe, for some, it's not a big deal, but for you it is, and that is OK!!! Find another meeting. Later on, if your comfort level increases with her, etc... then by all means go to her meeting, or not!!

sugarbear1

and maybe put the Tradition of "primary purpose" into effect at work in your life.

Work at work, recovery chat after work. No meeting/recovery chat at work.....

thisisme

Never.
I am not an alcoholic at work. I am merely another worker.
I have seen what happens to alcoholics at my work who "come out". Career killed.
Sad but true.

tomsteve

you've got good suggestions about goin to other meetings. the thing that struck me is you wanting to share about your boyfriends addiction. are you there for him or you? do you have a sponsor? a sponsor or maybe a thread here bout what you you would like help with in that matter would be more appropriate places for help with that than at a closed AA meeting, where we help others recover from alcoholism.

2granddaughters

I brought 2 co-workers into recovery as they saw that I had quit drinking and my life had improved, they wanted to know how I did it.

I may be the only Big Book that some folks ever see. The 12th Step is very important to me.

Bob R

choublak

I feel that people generally should be careful about what information they share with co-workers. And personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable with a co-worker knowing my business on that level.

LifeBlows

My co-worker didn't see me there. When I walked in she was sitting at the front and I made sure to leave before she stood up to give her birthday speech. As for my boyfriend's issues. The reason why I was talking about him is because the last couple of times we have hung out I ended up drinking. He has told me that he doesn't think that I am an alcoholic because for him an alcoholic is someone who is willing to drink rubbing alcohol or mouthwash. He has also told me that he has no intention of stopping drinking. I hadn't asked him to do that but its just hard to be around someone who is drinking when I cannot. I also needed to talk about him because he has been using me as a support for his sobriety. Money is his trigger and he needs me to hold his money for him so that he doesn't go out on a run. Its an idea that I didn't like when he floated it because my sobriety is so precarious right now, its hard to be a support for his sobriety as well. I wanted to get emotional support to leave him.

Anyway, I think I did the right thing by not sharing with her. I will go to meetings an hour away just to be sure. I need to be able to share at meetings and she's not someone that i would like to be vulnerable in front of. I do know her a bit better now and I can see she has a great work ethic, very loyal to the boss but she is unforgiving and bossy. For some reason I seem to wind up around women like these a lot (maybe its just life I don't know)

There have been so many times in my life when I have been in a group that purports to support love, compassion and tolerance and in spite of some personality traits I've seen in an individual assumed that because they were part of the group they would react against type. They didn't. Not only did I not get the emotional support that I needed but I ended up making myself a target. So I'm not going to take that chance. I just want to go to work, do my job and get paid without having to worry that she's going to tell someone my business or take her aggression out on me, because she is aggressive.

She speaks so nastily to everyone that the boss took me aside and said that no one has the right to speak to any one else that way and she planned to have a word with her about it.

FlyerFan

I agree. A co-worker brought me into the program and I am eternally grateful to him for that. I go to meetings with co-workers all the time. It's not like its a surprise. we are all there for the same reason after all. And at our workplace we all know anonymity is important. so we kind of talk in code, its pretty cool and very fun to keep such a cool secret from the "normal" co workers. haha

choublak

Because that's the line he will use to back up his own claim that he himself is not an alcoholic: "I'm not an alcoholic, I don't drink mouthwash."

Exactly.

choublak

This co-worker has some personal problems and it doesn't seem to me like she's emotionally fit to be of support to anyone else.