BigBluef250

I have been debating on writing this for the past few months while I have been trying to sort my life out. I guess im having an issue with feeling. I know it sounds odd, but im going to try and explain it the best way I can.

When I look at my friends and family, I know that they care about me, and I care about them. However, I cant help but feel an emotional disconnect. I dont feel anything inside. I can remember times in my life that I was so happy and felt complete. Now I know I should have feeling about things, but I dont.

Im not walking thru my days emotionless, well at least not that anyone can see. I still smile and joke around, enjoy the company of others and desire companionship. I just dont feel anything inside. I would do anything for friends and fam, no questions asked...but why? If im not feeling anything inside, is this just a reaction that has been instilled in me?

Im confused. Anyone else feel the same way?

BB

MetalChick

It sounds like you are feeling something inside, apathy. Just my opinion, but that absence of emotion and indifference sound like apathy. Well, that or depression. I think the two go hand in hand or the one precedes the other. I get that way, which was probably part of the cause of my drinking. The good thing is that you care enough to post about it. That seems like a good start to me.

As far as it is instilled in you, I can’t say. I know for me that it is kind of instilled, because of growing up in a situation that I didn’t think could get better. I became emotionless and felt helpless in my situation, so I became apathetic to it. This carries over as an adult at times.

mecanix

If you feel a disconnect then i suppose the thing to do is to work out how to re-connect .

I think that in giving up drinking i grew up emotionally as i learned how to handle things differently , for me a certain amount of emotional stress and drama has dissapeared and it feels like a calm sea ahead rather than a maelstrom . The rewards are different now .

To be able to give some of my experience, strength and hope to others now is what i find rewarding . I don't go round looking for an emotional high "hit" , more enduring rewards of being steadfast , generous , forgiving , humble , kind and compassionate .

good luck , M

soberbrooke

I didn't know what I was feeling when I was drinking, and now I am learning that I don't know what I am feeling after I have been sober for 6 months.


I was never taught to feel, I was taught to stuff my feelings away. I am having to re-wire my thinking, so to speak. I talk about this often in my AA groups. I don't know what I am feeling...........

Noro

This seems to be a common concern among lots of people who suffer from depression, anxiety, addiction, and other emotion problems, and it's something that I can often relate to. People end up becoming afraid that they're sociopaths because they feel apathetic and unsure if they experience emotions. I think when you look too hard into yourself, especially when you're under a lot of stress/anxiety (like when sobering up), you'll probably feel like nothing is there. It might be that you're subconsciously repressing your emotions, because you've been conditioned not to face them, or to be ashamed of them. Or it's just a learned response embedded in your experience of life because you've experienced pain and abandonment from people you trust. I'm sure it's something that can be worked out. You can rediscover your true emotions and learn to express them, including within yourself. The fact that this concerns you and that you care about it, is a big sign of life still within you.

laurie6781

This is something that I believe most if not all of us go through.

My awareness of my 'emotions' and 'feelings' didn't even start to show up until I was about 6 months sober, because of all the 'mush' and fog in my brain.

Then when I started to become aware of 'something' I didn't know what the 'something' was. I went to my sponsor, many times. I would describe what was going on and she would put a 'name' to it. I didn't even know what I was feeling.

I had NUMBED myself for so long, 24 years, that I had buried deep everything I could feel, be it happiness, sadness, envy, anger, empathy, disgust, etc

This was learning how to 'live' sober. identifying what I was or wasn't feeling, and then accepting that feeling and either moving on, or looking into me personally to find out why I was having that particular feeling.

With work on one's self, I can promise it does get better. I/we rejoin the 'living' and function quite well in civilized society.

Love and hugs,



Just didn't want you to feel alone. Remember, we are walking with you in spirit!!!

BigBluef250

Hmmmm, I am about 1.5 years sober now and would have thought things would be getting a bit easier. Im not asking for an EASY button, I do think that "numb" is a good word to describe my current state. Or almost even catatonic (except having my own movments.)

sugarbear1

What work have you done on yourself other than not drinking?

Ginzo45

Hi BigBlue. I stopped drinking almost a month ago, and I noticed the same thing. I have been pickling myself and my feelings for 30 years, and the only times I ever got emotional was when I was drunk. This is definitely something I'm going to have to work on going foreward. You're not alone.

Dee74

Hi bigblue

Just a thought...I'm no doctor and never claim to be...but have you ever been checked out for depression? In my experience it comes in several different manifestations...

Like Laurie it took me a while to learn to feel again for sure...probably a year for me at least...but at 1.5 years I can't help but wonder if there's something else going on?

D

BigBluef250

Never been looked at for depression, but I never really thought I fit the bill for that. Kinda scary thinking that I have done so well with no sauce, only to develop this? I always thought of people having depression to almost be like zombies. Showing nothing, feeling nothing, saying nothing...but now im starting to wonder if whatever it is that im doing is just a facade.

As far as working on myself, might you be a bit more specific? I never really thought I needed work on myself other than the no drinking. I guess I have kinda focused on running my business and building my company.

Maybe I just need to get out of my own head and take a vacation?

Thank you,

BB

MrDavid

It might be depression like Dee said, so get yourself checked out, okay. I was depressed for a period of time also, so I know how that feels. But only a qualified professional can make that diagnosis so make yourself an appointment, soon. I hope everything works out, eventually. Prayers coming your way.

sugarbear1

I healed similarly in early recovery. I made myself unnaturally high, then in recovery I was unnaturally low (just to balance out my drinking to non-drinking I got sad, very sad), then I got "blank" and had little to no emotions and little to no motivation. It finally evened out, but I had to create a plan of action to follow through with. It takes time to heal.

I wish you well,