What does sobriety look like?
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
What does sobriety look like?
"What does sobriety look like?"
A friend who was struggling with sobriety asked this a while ago.
For me, sobriety means....
Mornings are clear and beautiful. I can get up at sunrise and appreciate the new day.
Evenings are productive. I've added several hours to my day in which I can accomplish things
that require mental clarity--play a musical instrument, write, cook a nice meal, read a book or
magazine.
It gives me time to set aside from the hassles of work and family schedules that I can count
on--time that just kind of disappeared when I was drinking.
I'm more open to a different schedule. I don't have to rush home to start 'relaxing'--I can plan
to pick up a kid here or take one there, or just walk around downtown in the evening and look
at books, or go to a movie.
My kids are happy to be with me. They don't have to watch and wonder how the evening is
going to go.
I have more money. Even if finances are tight, I can reward myself a little bit with the money I
don't spend on wine or beer. I buy the fancy little ice creams or sorbets (Dreyers etc.) or
surprise my kid with the CD he wants.
Things taste better. I'm sure smokers have much the same reaction when they quit. Perhaps it's
because my taste buds are more sensitive, or perhaps my brain is less foggy. In either case, I'm
appreciating foods I had forgotten about.
I can appreciate really good coffee again, rather than just seeing it as a way to jumpstart my
brain in the morning.
When someone who cares about me asks if I'm drinking, I don't have to dissemble. It's not
'yes, but...' It's just 'nope.'
I'm healthier. It's easier to lose weight when you're not drinking. My blood pressure has
dropped from High Normal to Optimal. I don't get dizzy and I never get headaches.
I'm less irritable. My blood sugar is more even, and I'm never hung over (see mornings,
above). My emotions are less raw, and I'm less on edge.
It is much, much easier for me to deal with emotionally upsetting situations than it would be if I
were drinking. I can think things through without getting angry, upset, or maudlin.
When I chose to become sober, I toasted the setting sun with my last glass of wine, calculated
the hour at which that last glass would be out of my system entirely, and declared to myself
that from that time on my house and body would be alcohol free. Five days later I drank one
beer. I liked it. It really relaxed the 'nervous' part of my brain. I really liked it. I wished I had
another to drink. So that told me that, at least in my case, sobriety was a better choice than
continuing to attempt moderation.
In the first 72 hours of not drinking my body went through some readjustment. Sleep patterns
changed, blood sugar fluctuated. I drank fruit juioe when I would normally have been drinking
wine to even things out. After a few days my body got used to the new cycles. I ate dinner
earlier, stayed up later, and woke up earlier--and still do.
At this point I sometimes think about what the benefits of drinking just a glass of wine would
be. It's a pretty short list. Quitting drinking was much, much easier than I expected it to be.
Think hard about what you like about drinking. Then try a few days without it--it's really
surprisingly simple. And be sure to let us know how it goes.
Best wishes,
Don S
A friend who was struggling with sobriety asked this a while ago.
For me, sobriety means....
Mornings are clear and beautiful. I can get up at sunrise and appreciate the new day.
Evenings are productive. I've added several hours to my day in which I can accomplish things
that require mental clarity--play a musical instrument, write, cook a nice meal, read a book or
magazine.
It gives me time to set aside from the hassles of work and family schedules that I can count
on--time that just kind of disappeared when I was drinking.
I'm more open to a different schedule. I don't have to rush home to start 'relaxing'--I can plan
to pick up a kid here or take one there, or just walk around downtown in the evening and look
at books, or go to a movie.
My kids are happy to be with me. They don't have to watch and wonder how the evening is
going to go.
I have more money. Even if finances are tight, I can reward myself a little bit with the money I
don't spend on wine or beer. I buy the fancy little ice creams or sorbets (Dreyers etc.) or
surprise my kid with the CD he wants.
Things taste better. I'm sure smokers have much the same reaction when they quit. Perhaps it's
because my taste buds are more sensitive, or perhaps my brain is less foggy. In either case, I'm
appreciating foods I had forgotten about.
I can appreciate really good coffee again, rather than just seeing it as a way to jumpstart my
brain in the morning.
When someone who cares about me asks if I'm drinking, I don't have to dissemble. It's not
'yes, but...' It's just 'nope.'
I'm healthier. It's easier to lose weight when you're not drinking. My blood pressure has
dropped from High Normal to Optimal. I don't get dizzy and I never get headaches.
I'm less irritable. My blood sugar is more even, and I'm never hung over (see mornings,
above). My emotions are less raw, and I'm less on edge.
It is much, much easier for me to deal with emotionally upsetting situations than it would be if I
were drinking. I can think things through without getting angry, upset, or maudlin.
When I chose to become sober, I toasted the setting sun with my last glass of wine, calculated
the hour at which that last glass would be out of my system entirely, and declared to myself
that from that time on my house and body would be alcohol free. Five days later I drank one
beer. I liked it. It really relaxed the 'nervous' part of my brain. I really liked it. I wished I had
another to drink. So that told me that, at least in my case, sobriety was a better choice than
continuing to attempt moderation.
In the first 72 hours of not drinking my body went through some readjustment. Sleep patterns
changed, blood sugar fluctuated. I drank fruit juioe when I would normally have been drinking
wine to even things out. After a few days my body got used to the new cycles. I ate dinner
earlier, stayed up later, and woke up earlier--and still do.
At this point I sometimes think about what the benefits of drinking just a glass of wine would
be. It's a pretty short list. Quitting drinking was much, much easier than I expected it to be.
Think hard about what you like about drinking. Then try a few days without it--it's really
surprisingly simple. And be sure to let us know how it goes.
Best wishes,
Don S
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Stoddard, NH
Posts: 10
Great Post Don.
For me sobriety looks like the clear eyes and happy face I see in the mirror. When I drank I couldn't see anything in that mirror. Sobriety has given me serenity. I am grateful to be alive.
Keep It Simple.
Thanks for my 4812 days of sobriety
For me sobriety looks like the clear eyes and happy face I see in the mirror. When I drank I couldn't see anything in that mirror. Sobriety has given me serenity. I am grateful to be alive.
Keep It Simple.
Thanks for my 4812 days of sobriety
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Hi Don,
I love your post.
I have been reading this book and the part that struck me as so poingnant is very similar to this line that you said in your post.
Think hard about what you like about drinking. Then try a few days without it-
In the book, you were to answer these questions
What do you spend your time on?
What do you spend your energy on?
What do you spend your money on?
Then you take those answers and you ask yourself if those are the things you value most in your life.
For me, sobriety looks like freedom...........endless possibility, the land of opportunity, the sky's the limit. I have choices today.
I had no choices when I was using. I was a prisoner of my addiction. It controlled my life and everything I did.
I love your post.
I have been reading this book and the part that struck me as so poingnant is very similar to this line that you said in your post.
Think hard about what you like about drinking. Then try a few days without it-
In the book, you were to answer these questions
What do you spend your time on?
What do you spend your energy on?
What do you spend your money on?
Then you take those answers and you ask yourself if those are the things you value most in your life.
For me, sobriety looks like freedom...........endless possibility, the land of opportunity, the sky's the limit. I have choices today.
I had no choices when I was using. I was a prisoner of my addiction. It controlled my life and everything I did.
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 23
Thanks Don...I appreciate what you have written...so often I ask the same question of myself...and to not get to verbose...I understand that sobriety has given me life...and all that life brings to me...I can accept now that in order to have the ultimate happiness I must also be willing to accept the ultimate saddness--life just is...the true measurement of success on this journey is not whether life brings me challenges or happiness...it is whether I show up regardless of what life brings me...it dosn't matter what I do for a living--after all we all have to do something...it is whether I can find a sense of purpose and meaning in what I do...success is whether I show up daily...for life...and sobriety has given me that...dr dave
Hello! Is this seat taken??
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: A Denver far far away...
Posts: 92
for me - sobriety looks alot like the 10 year old kid splashing in puddles. Back then, I knew there was a purpose in life, that a Higher Power was working and I trusted it. That everyone's opinion really didn't matter. Today, sobriety looks like a 35 year old single dad taking his 5 year old daughter out to splash in a few puddles. Sure I get grins from people, and they might laugh, but why are we the only ones getting wet?
good topic - pad
good topic - pad
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
Don,your post is the life I think I really want!!!!!! I am gonna print it out(if u dont mind) and put it with my reading stuff on my bedside.Man,it sounds like you are pretty happy and enjoy your life now.Awesome post for me to read,thanks
Digitally Remastered
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Samsara
Posts: 102
Beautiful
That was beautiful Don. That was also a cool question coming from a newcomer. I've often thought along those same lines [What does it *mean* to be sober?]
I, too, have noticed my blood pressure and it's very good these days. I appreciate having time to do what I need to do and then what I want. Before, while drinking, I needed to drink and aligned myself to the tricky thought that it was what I *wanted.* As a result I never had time to do what I needed to do, much less what I wanted...In retrospect, I guess I had no wants...only the need of alcohol.
In a nutshell, for me, it's complete and total freedom. I can go anywhere today. See anything. Say anything. Think any way I want to, and it's all okay. I am no longer scared of the boogeyman, scared that if I go somewhere there may not be alcohol....and I remember so vividly the instant rage upon awakening. Nothing had to happen, I was just pissed to be waking up. [SO identified with the coffee drinking. I, too, enjoy my coffee today- don't *need* it in order to jumpstart and eradicate my rage.]
People. I am a social creature today. I still do enjoy being by myself but this time I can be still with myself and enjoy it. I no longer do it out of fear ...covering the need to isolate.
Being in the bondage and throes of active addiction was normal for me until I discovered there was another way. Looking back I see that it was a hell on earth. I guess to say to an active alcoholic that sobriety means living... Sounds cliche and also unfathomable to the active alcoholic who has never known another way. But it does mean living GOOD.
No longer is life a chore...hell...painful...fearful. Getting drunk just to cope with the pain of NOT drinking is no longer needed for me. I enjoy looking forward to my mornings...I enjoy the anticipation of seeing what unfolds in my life.
Digits
I, too, have noticed my blood pressure and it's very good these days. I appreciate having time to do what I need to do and then what I want. Before, while drinking, I needed to drink and aligned myself to the tricky thought that it was what I *wanted.* As a result I never had time to do what I needed to do, much less what I wanted...In retrospect, I guess I had no wants...only the need of alcohol.
In a nutshell, for me, it's complete and total freedom. I can go anywhere today. See anything. Say anything. Think any way I want to, and it's all okay. I am no longer scared of the boogeyman, scared that if I go somewhere there may not be alcohol....and I remember so vividly the instant rage upon awakening. Nothing had to happen, I was just pissed to be waking up. [SO identified with the coffee drinking. I, too, enjoy my coffee today- don't *need* it in order to jumpstart and eradicate my rage.]
People. I am a social creature today. I still do enjoy being by myself but this time I can be still with myself and enjoy it. I no longer do it out of fear ...covering the need to isolate.
Being in the bondage and throes of active addiction was normal for me until I discovered there was another way. Looking back I see that it was a hell on earth. I guess to say to an active alcoholic that sobriety means living... Sounds cliche and also unfathomable to the active alcoholic who has never known another way. But it does mean living GOOD.
No longer is life a chore...hell...painful...fearful. Getting drunk just to cope with the pain of NOT drinking is no longer needed for me. I enjoy looking forward to my mornings...I enjoy the anticipation of seeing what unfolds in my life.
Digits
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally posted by IMHomerSimpson
Thanks Digits, and if u dont mind?...............Id like to print out your post too because its so descriptive of how nice things can be.
Thanks Digits, and if u dont mind?...............Id like to print out your post too because its so descriptive of how nice things can be.
When you're sober, your time isn't spent getting drunk, being drunk, being asleep, being hungover, planning to get drunk, and getting drunk again. Take those things out of your day and you have lots of time left over for more fulfilling pursuits!
Thanks for the post, Digits!
Don S
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 175
Heres what sobriety looks like to me..
" Remembering one thing there is a sleeping tiger within..a gateway back to the past. Its enticement can be as easy and quick as one thought, or passing a beer billboard ad on the freeway. Its easy enough to quit but the art of staying quit is harder. It like King Alcohol was, this new path will demand everything and up to complete surrender eventually. But we werent overcome in one day and we wont overcome in one day. So if you or I slip we must get back up and go on walking. People who are Alcoholics know what hunts them and all to often we think our beast is in the zoo behind a cage. No one ever plans to become an Alcoholic, no ever plans to relapse but it can happen. There will always remain a real subtlety to the whole deliema and we must always be on gaurd. Its kind of like Legolas in Lord of the Rings, he can sense something is on the wind. We to must be this keen and fight when its time and find rest when its time. For this battle weve gotten into will require and demand a lifetime of learning and each day alone by itself will hold enough possible temptations. But just as we set out to know Alcohol, we can determine to know our sober selves and the way we appraoch a sober life..when you think about it its an awesome chance filled with endless possibilities " ..Steve
" Remembering one thing there is a sleeping tiger within..a gateway back to the past. Its enticement can be as easy and quick as one thought, or passing a beer billboard ad on the freeway. Its easy enough to quit but the art of staying quit is harder. It like King Alcohol was, this new path will demand everything and up to complete surrender eventually. But we werent overcome in one day and we wont overcome in one day. So if you or I slip we must get back up and go on walking. People who are Alcoholics know what hunts them and all to often we think our beast is in the zoo behind a cage. No one ever plans to become an Alcoholic, no ever plans to relapse but it can happen. There will always remain a real subtlety to the whole deliema and we must always be on gaurd. Its kind of like Legolas in Lord of the Rings, he can sense something is on the wind. We to must be this keen and fight when its time and find rest when its time. For this battle weve gotten into will require and demand a lifetime of learning and each day alone by itself will hold enough possible temptations. But just as we set out to know Alcohol, we can determine to know our sober selves and the way we appraoch a sober life..when you think about it its an awesome chance filled with endless possibilities " ..Steve
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