SummertimeHigh5

I thought that this was supposed to get easier you all. For all of you that know me I probably do not have to say this but I have drank most of my life and ended up in the hospital with liver failure because of it. I was told that i have to quit drinking so this is not totally my choice even though I know that it is the best choice. Hope that makes sense. Anyhow, this is the first summer that I have not been dating anyone at all. The man that I was seeing still keeps in touch with me but nothing like he used to since I have quit drinking. He drinks but does not drink anywhere near as bad as I did. He still does keep in touch and still says that he wants to see me and treats me the same as when we were seeing each other but he doesn't text or call me. I cannot figure out what is up.

I know that you all are going to tell me that he has found someone else and maybe he has but I really do not think he has. He still has pictures of me and him up on his facebook too. I mean you have to go in and look at his pictures, it is not like i am on his front page or anything. He just told me that there is nothing wrong and that he is under a lot of stress and that his mother has been very challenging lately (he helps her with rental properties, etc... and he does have a lot on his plate but that never stopped him before). He still calls me honey, sends me hugs and kisses, tells me that he wants to take the two of us out to eat at so ans so's again soon and how he cannot wait to see me sober.... yada yada yada and he does sincerely mean it but then he goes solo. He does not make a plan.

After I got out of the hospital he told me that he wanted to see me in so many words but I told him to give me a few weeks because I still was not feeling well. After that is when he started to kind of fade. I have been trying to keep in touch with him more than I used to because he was doing most of it so I thought that maybe he was feeling like I did not like him very much. That did not help and the situation did not get better so I backed off too. I have no idea what to do but to move on. He is the last person that i though would just leave me and not stick by me since he always has no matter what.

Is he afraid of me? I would actually think that he would like me better this way to be quite honest. It is just sad. I am not going to contact him anymore. I guess if he really still likes me, he will come around again sooner or later but I am lonely as hell and I want someone to do things with. Him and i talked about being committed in a relationship when we were drinking but i do not really know what we are. NO!!! we are NOT FWB. I can promise you that so please do not even go there. We were basically like together though. Too hard to explain. Anyhow, i was watching all of the boats going to the lake today and this is also rthe fiest summer not being out on the lake and being sober with no friends or my guy. WTH? I hate this.

Has anyone else ever gone through this before? I struggle from depression bad too and I am out of my meds and have been out for a while now because I do not have medical benefits and my dr is expensive. He has to see me again before he will prescribe me anything else which I also understand but it makes sobriety worse. I just feel like going nd getting me some beers right now to quit feeling so damn depressed. I did not miss him like this before I quit drinking either. I feel like my feelings for this man have actually gotten stronger and that I care more since I have a straight head on my shoulders. I can remember when I was not even really that attracted to him and sometimes i would not answer his calls and stuff when i could have but was busy. This all started in April. The last time I actually seen this man was in February. We are talking someone who once drove an hr and a half from his house to take me to dinner and some drinks and drove back home afterwards. Now WTH? I want a damn friend..... He was it!

pinkdog

Maybe he wants to drink but not around you. You need to keep being sober no matter what he does or does not do. Liver failure is a major redflag. It sounds like you are doing great with not drinking. Keep going. It does get better and easier. Hugs:ghug3

SummertimeHigh5

That is fine. However, can't he just not drink for one day to see me? He did not drink everyday before. He drinks about 4 times a week. Until I had asked, i did not think that he even drank that much. I mean, I would do it for him. I thought that i meant more to him than that. We only seen each other once or twice a month because of the distance but he always wanted to be with me every chance he got. He would take me everywhere with him. To weddings and all. We were close and I hate to lose what we had.

elizabeth1967

Maybe you can get your Dr to prescribe you something from Walmart for $4 they have anitdepressants for that price without insurance. I have insurance and get mine from Walmart. Im sorry you are feeling down I feel the way you do alot my ex bf not there for me at all. I try to break up with him and he keeps coming back he is nice for a short time then he gets controlling and mean. I got a DUI on April 21 I have basically quit drinking have had a few slips here and there. But have control of it. He contines to drink and when he drinks he gets mean. He left me when I got my DUI that had to be the worst lonely feeling in the world. Then a few weeks went by started seeing me again I cant keep doing this no emotional stability I want and deserve a man there to be my companion not to worry if he is going to walk out on me. I gave him ultamatium hours ago its all or nothing. Have not heard back from him.

tomsteve

After I got out of the hospital he told me that he wanted to see me in so many words but I told him to give me a few weeks because I still was not feeling well

maybe he is giving you space for you to work onyou and yer problems.

maybe you can ask him what is going on?

SummertimeHigh5

You poor girl. I am so sorry. It does suck. However, if you are trying to get a handle on your drinking and he is treating you like crapola then he is not healthy for you to be around. The guy that I was dating was totally fine when he drank. My dad was mean when he drank too. I have been known to get that way a long time ago but since then have adapted to alcohol so much that I was almost not completely but almost normal with the drunk feeling. Good luck to you and definitely let me know how it goes. You can email me if you like anytime. I will talk to anyone. LOL.. Seriously... I do mean that too if you need someone to personally chat with.

SummertimeHigh5

I have thought of this too but have since let him know that I am ready to see him. I did not put it quite like that but I told him to come over here and I miss him. He said I know and I will. It has been way too long since we have been together. This was last month when he texted me too. I know the way that you are thinking so i thought that maybe I needed to also act a little more interested and let him know that all was ok now. Still nothing. I did text him on fathers day and he said thank you, honey and then emailed me a few pics of some of his animals. He has some pretty Golden Retreivers. I did not respond to it though. I want to give him his space too if he is not ready for all of the texting, emailing and phone calls. It is hard to tell. So far this month we have texted the 2nd, 10th and the 17th. That is it. I don't know why he cannot just be open and honest with me. He knows how I am about that. The truth is the best policy no matter how bad it hurts because it is going to be a huge punch in the gut either way.

tomsteve

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

RevivingOphelia

To me, it really doesn't seem that he is into you. I would never hang onto someone who was not showing me, through words and actions, their interest.

After all you've been through, why not keep working on yourself, and I bet you will, eventually, find someone with whom to share a sober and enriching life. From what you've written, this guy is not him.

SSIL75

Relationships are complicated at the best of times. I got sober in a marriage and remain married to a wonderful man but really...what healthy person falls in love with a raging alcoholic? Idk.

It sounds like you asked him for time. If you're done then why don't you call him?

SummertimeHigh5

This is why I do not call him. Because I have made the majority of the moves so far trying to tell him that I am interested and that i miss and want to see him too and he is not doing anything about it. Before, he would have made sure that he seen knowing that I felt that way and he now isn't. I do not want this guy to think that I am an insecure weirdo. I was always told that if a man really wants you, he will be with you and this is what he showed me in the beginning. He is not doing that anymore. like it was said in a post above he is not acting upon what he is saying and he used to. However, he will text me like he is still into me and talk to me like nothing ever happened when he does text me. This is not answers that he is answering to my texts either to just make me feel better. He has his ways out of this very easily but if he does not hear from me in a while, he comes back all sweet and everything.. He also used to call me 2 or 3 times a week and he has not called me since April. I kind of took this man for granted a bit too I think. Now I am feeling the pain for doing so. I think about all of the times that I have called him and did not answer and now wish that I would have. He did also say this to me when he was not texting me for a while so I took the initiative to go ahead and see what was wrong and asked him is he had a problem with me not drinking now and if it made him feel uncomfortable and he said no, nothing is wrong. I apolologize for not texting or calling but I do think of you often. That was one of his first texts. We have talked more since that text but what the heck did that mean? If he thinks of me often then why not calllll meeee... Hello! What if I call and he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me? I would cry my eyes out.

SummertimeHigh5

Just to make this maybe a bit more understandable. If he wanted out. He had many easy opportunities to do so. The door has been left wide open, ball in his court... whatever to do what he wanted to do. He could have just faded away and i would have taken the hint that he was just being nice and did not want to hurt my feelings but by the things that he says to me and by continuing to contact me when he doesn't have to makes me think that he still does. Most men won't do this if they are no longer into you. They will not email you and say the things that he says to me. You would be lucky to get anything out of them at all and you would be the person to text first all of the time to just get a lame answer or no answer at all. He isn't acting quite like the typical I want out of your life right now type of guy. However, where the hay is he at then? Good grief! Why does this have to be so difficult?

SSIL75

Omg I am reading and rereading and am just so lost I'm sorry. I hope someone else can offer you clear perspective. I just don't get why you don't call and suggest meeting for dinner, lol. I think I maybe missed a post.

CarolD

One of the pluses of AA for me....people who understand and are willing to support my recovery.

No texting required...no long distance communication...we see each other regularly on a face to face basis...
We also get together and do all sorts of fun and interesting things.

And...we can and do continue to move forward with sobriety.

Not all loves are forever...people change and let go of old relationships that no longer fit their new lives.

I'm old now....and I've been seriously in love/involved 7 times
the men survived our break ups....I thrived and never looked back.

All that to say.....I'd rather be alone than to wish I were..

Ginzo45

Hi Summer. I hate to say this, but I think the guy is just stringing you along. If he really cared for you, I would think he would know you need some companionship and support right now. It doesn't take much time to throw out a few texts, or e-mails, or Facebook messages to keep a FRIENDSHIP going. If he wanted to keep an actual relationship going, he would be with you every chance he could.
A lot of guys I know pride themselves on having woman all over the map. I'd kick that guy to the curb, and find a nice man that lives in the area. Better yet, forget about being in a relationship right now, and concentrate on the recovery process. I am doing that very thing right now. I know you're lonely, but it's only temporary. I'm in the same boat at the moment. Stay strong!