DONUT

Since I have stopped drinking I have become acutely aware that some of my friends have potentially serious drinking problems. I remember being told by numerous ex's that I had problems and I duly ignored their comments and concerns - it's hard to watch someone you care about going down this path and I wish i had got the message a long time ago! I also think it also would seem a bit rich coming from someone like me who until 70 days ago drank with the best of them.. I want to help people I care about but I am not sure how to move forward with this?
DD

DarkDays

I find its a total waste of time, especially when they hear it from a sober person, its the Ultimate preach to them.

With alcohell, they got to help themselves.

I was told numerous times and had hints put my way, but until I decided it was a problem then and then only would I think about addressing it.


I would say 95% of My old drinking Friends have problems but are in denial .

Some may work it out, some will spend their whole lives trapped.

hypochondriac

I think you answered your own question Donut...

If you ignored people's comments then they'll most likely do the same.

People didn't comment on my drinking often but the defence mechanism went straight up whenever it got even slightly touched on! I know what you mean but it probably is best left alone.

I have found that the heavy drinkers around me are defensive enough about me not drinking and saying I'm an alcoholic, so really I don't need to say anything, and if I did it would give them the excuse to dismiss me as being 'mightier than thou'. For the record at least one person has already said that to me and others have hinted at it, so I make a real effort not to make my struggles, or any sense of pride, public among my drinking friends. On the positive side a few people in my family have actually looked at their own drinking habits and cut back, probably just so they don't have to quit like me but it's still a good thing. Lead by example and all that

instant

Be an example of what is possible. Be available if anyone asks to have what you have.

FlyerFan

I second this. don't push them or you may just push them in the opposite direction.

thisisme

Every now and again someone will ask me how I quit drinking. That's when I can help, when THEY realize they drink too much you can show them the path that you paved.

tomsteve

one thing i learned is to share my experenc and not tell the other one they have a problem. let them make that decision on their own. even when i was 70 days sober i had experience of what alcohol was doing to me, i know what made me make the decision to stop drinking, and what i was like at 70 days, which at 70 days i was still coming out of the fog, but the thought of killng myself was leaving and that was progress.

CarolD

In early sobriety I too was eager to help my still drinking friends.

I got AA info pamplets..passed them around...offered to take them with me to meetings.
A few did seem interested but they did not follow thru at that time

Quickly I realized that the only person I could get sober was me...

Soooo...do what you can to be a good sober example...and don't
have expectations on what others wil do.
Think of it as planting the seed of recovery.

.

Boleo

I agree 100%. The best you can do is live a full life without the booze so others can see it is possible.

Sapling

I never listened to anybody...I don't waste my time telling anybody...And I have family I could start with.

TheEnd

At this point, you should just focus on yourself. Often times people feel like preaching when they stop drinking, try to avoid this, or your friends may get tired of you. Remember if you didn't listen, what makes you think they will listen.

FredG

As so many have pointed out - you can't make them see themselves directly, you can show them what you do for yourself

When I was drinking, the friends I surrounded myself with were pretty much exactly like me. This was because I didn't want to stick out as being abnormal. When I quit and started getting better, the friends of my drinking life, couldn't help but notice. Whether they say they do or not, they know that their drinking was much like mine. I don't know whether any of them chose to follow me into AA because I left the area many years ago, but at least they saw what was possible for me and what might be possible for them.

2granddaughters

Getting a long, good quality sobriety will do more to impress your friends far more than any words.

I once heard an oldtimer asked about what AA meant to him. He said :"It means mind my own business and mind it well".

All the best.

Bob R

NYCDoglvr

I suggest keeping the focus on yourself and forgetting other people's drinking. The best way of inspiring someone to be a power of example of being sober.

Veritas1

Well, our big book tells us to talk about ourselves to the problem drinker. Tell them what it was like for us.

Maybe in telling our story, they identify and learn that there is a way out.

NoPainNoGain916

ThAnkyou the post gives good Insight

changer

i can surely identify with this, donut. in particular, my best friend breaks my heart with his drinking. however, one thing that has really stuck with me from the meetings is the idea of 'attraction, not promotion'. until he decides he wants a different life, or wants what we have, it's not going to sink in, i think.
thanks for posting this- it's been on my mind a lot.