doublecheck

Been sober for 17 months and really struggling with new job. When I first got the job I was very happy since I was laid off. Now with the constant pressure to do well and the long hours and long commute, My Mind does not stop. I obsess over work all the time and can't relax. All I think of is I wish I could have a drink. Then I could relax. Then I think maybe i over reacted stopping drinking 17 months ago. Not many people knew or even thought I drank to much. Friends and family don't even think I had a problem. Even my relationship with my family is strained. I can't pay attention nor have the desire to because I am to preoccupied with work and constantly thinking. I do not think they understand the extent of the strain that I have within myself. Even if they did know they most likely would not care for more then 5 minutes. In general people love themselves and only want to bring the conversation back on themselves. That is what I make a living on in sales, say nothing and listen and people will like you. It really is amazing. As I am rambling on now, I am being self centered, I apologize for that. I just am trying to not drink.

zjw

I'm uncapable of handling pressures like i once did. when i drank i was able to take on more and use liquor to cope with it all. I cant do it anymore. Its debilitating to know i'll never be able to handle certain things anymore. Or at least thats how I feel. Maybe it'll get better. But i'm not about to try and push it. Staying sober is more important to me then about anything else. Its saddens me sometimes when i get so outraged about the slightest thing to the point where it will ruin my day or i'll get little accomplished with my job as a result. I very well could loose my job over this.

My solution for now has been to just remain focus keep on trying praying hopeing it will get better in that regard. But i'm also accepting the fact that its possible things are going to be different from now on. I'm not superman never was never will be. While drunk i guess i thought i was.

How many hats can you wear? someone once said to me. I never got it. There comes a point in time where you have to be willing to know what your stress limit is and leave it at that even if it means you wont have everything you ever expected you should have or should work for. Sometimes less is more.