Weekend Drinker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
Weekend Drinker
I'm 43 year old male, married 21 loving years, 3 kids, serve in my church and community, great life, etc. etc. During the week I'm busy with work and family. I have no urge or thoughts of drinking during the week. I'm very content with sober life Sunday through Friday afternoon.
But then the weekend comes into view and I get the itch. I've put in my week and am ready to kick back and "drink a few". Usually, unless I have a prior commitment, starting around 4 PM on Friday I'll drink as much as 6 to 9 beers around the house over the next several hours with my family and/or friends (we have teenagers, we're usually up till midnight or 1 AM). Then Saturday sometime, again unless I have something else going on, in the early afternoon after taking care of weekend chores and exercise, I'll knock back another 6 to 9 out by the pool. (I know my count because I buy an 18 pack and may or may not go through it on a weekend)
If it's a long holiday weekend or we are on vacation, I'll repeat the same pattern on the days that I don't have to be productive on the next.
I've been doing this for YEARS. I enjoy it thoroughly. But I'm pretty sure it's caused me to gain weight, I have mild to moderate hang overs the next morning, I'm drained on Sundays and Mondays, my wife feels like "it's not 100% the real me" and feels a little distance while I'm drinking. There are definitely results from drinking that I don't like. They don't seem that significant at first glance, but piled together and repeated many weekends for years, it adds up.
I've stopped drinking all together from time to time. But I get SOOO bored. Life is work, I really want to just relax and enjoy the fruit of my labor. I hear people suggest to find other things to do. But I'm running my ass off all week with kids, work, exercising, blah, blah, blah. There are only so many bike rides you can go on!! By the time Friday comes along, I just want to do nothing with a beer in my hand. Then I want to do it again on Saturday afternoon by the pool. And if we're on beach vacation, I pretty much want to do it the whole time.
So I'm trying to figure out if I'm an alcoholic, a problem drinker or what. I know I'm not physically dependent on it. I go long stretches without even thinking about it. There is definitely a part of me that wishes I'd never started drinking and would like to stop. But if I have a free and clear weekend in front of me, I don't know how to get through it without a buzz as my reward to myself for all the effort the other 5 to 6 days of the week. I've tried to quit. I just find myself bored and frustrated.
What's wrong with me?
Weekend Drinker
But then the weekend comes into view and I get the itch. I've put in my week and am ready to kick back and "drink a few". Usually, unless I have a prior commitment, starting around 4 PM on Friday I'll drink as much as 6 to 9 beers around the house over the next several hours with my family and/or friends (we have teenagers, we're usually up till midnight or 1 AM). Then Saturday sometime, again unless I have something else going on, in the early afternoon after taking care of weekend chores and exercise, I'll knock back another 6 to 9 out by the pool. (I know my count because I buy an 18 pack and may or may not go through it on a weekend)
If it's a long holiday weekend or we are on vacation, I'll repeat the same pattern on the days that I don't have to be productive on the next.
I've been doing this for YEARS. I enjoy it thoroughly. But I'm pretty sure it's caused me to gain weight, I have mild to moderate hang overs the next morning, I'm drained on Sundays and Mondays, my wife feels like "it's not 100% the real me" and feels a little distance while I'm drinking. There are definitely results from drinking that I don't like. They don't seem that significant at first glance, but piled together and repeated many weekends for years, it adds up.
I've stopped drinking all together from time to time. But I get SOOO bored. Life is work, I really want to just relax and enjoy the fruit of my labor. I hear people suggest to find other things to do. But I'm running my ass off all week with kids, work, exercising, blah, blah, blah. There are only so many bike rides you can go on!! By the time Friday comes along, I just want to do nothing with a beer in my hand. Then I want to do it again on Saturday afternoon by the pool. And if we're on beach vacation, I pretty much want to do it the whole time.
So I'm trying to figure out if I'm an alcoholic, a problem drinker or what. I know I'm not physically dependent on it. I go long stretches without even thinking about it. There is definitely a part of me that wishes I'd never started drinking and would like to stop. But if I have a free and clear weekend in front of me, I don't know how to get through it without a buzz as my reward to myself for all the effort the other 5 to 6 days of the week. I've tried to quit. I just find myself bored and frustrated.
What's wrong with me?
Weekend Drinker
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi WeekendDrinker
sometimes I think it's better to forget about the labels - whatever you 'are', obviously your weekend pattern concerns you - and it sounds like it concerns your wife too.
Many of us here, me included, started off as 'weekend warriors' - so it's good you're looking at this now I think
Maybe it's as simple as you needing to explore other healthier ways to relax and unwind on the weekend - hobbies, sports, interests?
If you find you can do that & have no problems giving up - then great...if not...thats what SR is here for
Welcome aboard
D
sometimes I think it's better to forget about the labels - whatever you 'are', obviously your weekend pattern concerns you - and it sounds like it concerns your wife too.
Many of us here, me included, started off as 'weekend warriors' - so it's good you're looking at this now I think
Maybe it's as simple as you needing to explore other healthier ways to relax and unwind on the weekend - hobbies, sports, interests?
If you find you can do that & have no problems giving up - then great...if not...thats what SR is here for
Welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome WeekendDrinker
It sounds like you're using alcohol to zone out at the weekends which is understandable but not healthy. And after doing it for years it's become so ingrained that you feel lost without it. I don't think it's possible to consistently overdrink without negative consequences and it will only get progressively worse so it's definitely worth cutting it out, at least for a bit. I wanted to quit for 3 years before I actually did and I wasn't physically dependent at the start of that. It tends to sneak up on you so it's always best to do something about these things sooner rather than later x
It sounds like you're using alcohol to zone out at the weekends which is understandable but not healthy. And after doing it for years it's become so ingrained that you feel lost without it. I don't think it's possible to consistently overdrink without negative consequences and it will only get progressively worse so it's definitely worth cutting it out, at least for a bit. I wanted to quit for 3 years before I actually did and I wasn't physically dependent at the start of that. It tends to sneak up on you so it's always best to do something about these things sooner rather than later x
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
First of all, welcome.
You are a guy who likes his beer, but likes it in a quantity that should be raising a red flag.
I spent years drinking and enjoying it, and not thinking it was causing me problems. But I spent a number of years thinking I might be drinking too much. I continued to drink, continued to think it might be a problem. Then, BAM. It was a problem.
I should of seen in coming, but I was blind to the apparent contradictions to my logic. Contradictions like I see in your post.
You say you aren't physically dependent...What? Are you waiting for DTs? But when you try to quit (and let me point out, you haven't been successful in that), you, "...just find myself bored and frustrated." That's a manifestation of psychological dependence. You have a defined pattern of abuse, but rationalize that it is just the weekend...then weekends extend into three and four days of "vacation" drinking.
I would say that if you struggle to stay quit, if you repeatedly try to quit yet find yourself justifying drinking despite your promise to yourself to quit, then you have a problem with alcohol.
And if you continue to drink, the problems, even if they are only health problems, will progress.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by WeekendDrinker 
What's wrong with me?
I spent years drinking and enjoying it, and not thinking it was causing me problems. But I spent a number of years thinking I might be drinking too much. I continued to drink, continued to think it might be a problem. Then, BAM. It was a problem.
I should of seen in coming, but I was blind to the apparent contradictions to my logic. Contradictions like I see in your post.
You say you aren't physically dependent...What? Are you waiting for DTs? But when you try to quit (and let me point out, you haven't been successful in that), you, "...just find myself bored and frustrated." That's a manifestation of psychological dependence. You have a defined pattern of abuse, but rationalize that it is just the weekend...then weekends extend into three and four days of "vacation" drinking.
I would say that if you struggle to stay quit, if you repeatedly try to quit yet find yourself justifying drinking despite your promise to yourself to quit, then you have a problem with alcohol.
And if you continue to drink, the problems, even if they are only health problems, will progress.
Good luck.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I've yet to meet an adult who said they were pleased and proud that
their parents were drinkers. Your wife has concerns too.
Then there is your age...another factor to be considered.
Regardless of what you do...growing older means physical changes happen.
Alcohol is a toxic liquid that damages your mind and body...true for all.
Welcome...
their parents were drinkers. Your wife has concerns too.
Then there is your age...another factor to be considered.
Regardless of what you do...growing older means physical changes happen.
Alcohol is a toxic liquid that damages your mind and body...true for all.
Welcome...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
Hi Weekend-
I drank on weekends for years too. And.... everyone told me the same things you see in this thread. Like that it will get worse. And that eventually I will start drinking more and more. I didn't believe it because I had been doing it for 10 years at that point.
But in my case, they were right. I didn't start drinking during the week but I started drinking more each weekend. I gained weight - a whoooole lot of weight. I have now lost 50 pounds but I still have quite a bit to lose. And, worst of all, I started getting angry and sometimes even violent when I drank.
I never was physically dependent either. I never lost a job, a relationship, got a DUI, or anything else. That doesn't make me any less of an alcoholic.
No one can tell you whether you have a problem or not. The fact that you are thinking about it may be a sign that you do, however.
The people here are great, and they can offer a lot of support and help. I hope it works out for you.
I drank on weekends for years too. And.... everyone told me the same things you see in this thread. Like that it will get worse. And that eventually I will start drinking more and more. I didn't believe it because I had been doing it for 10 years at that point.
But in my case, they were right. I didn't start drinking during the week but I started drinking more each weekend. I gained weight - a whoooole lot of weight. I have now lost 50 pounds but I still have quite a bit to lose. And, worst of all, I started getting angry and sometimes even violent when I drank.
I never was physically dependent either. I never lost a job, a relationship, got a DUI, or anything else. That doesn't make me any less of an alcoholic.
No one can tell you whether you have a problem or not. The fact that you are thinking about it may be a sign that you do, however.
The people here are great, and they can offer a lot of support and help. I hope it works out for you.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
I was pretty much just a "weekend warrior" for about 20 years, then I started in during the week and it wasn't long before I was drinking beer every day. This lasted nearly 10 years and the weekends were still when I really let it rip. I finally ended up in the ER with severe anxiety issues. Drinking is progressive and seeing it as some kind of "reward" is what got me in deep trouble. Since getting sober, I've had no problems finding ways to fill my time. In fact, I now wish there were more hours in the day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 35
Our experiences are very similar, and I know where you are.
You're busting your butt all week, and really enjoy kicking back on Fri/Sat. You've worked hard and you've earned a chance to relax. But is a 2 day buzz the way to go?
Put yourself in your wife (and kids) shoes and ask "how is this affecting them?" You're working all week, and their prime time with you is on the weekend - but you're not 100% your authentic self during the weekend. Plus, you're tired on Sunday which means you can't give them your full energy and attention. Is that fair to them?
These are major "cons".
Does the "pro" of a 2 day relaxing buzz outweigh those cons?
You might consider taking 3 or 4 weeks off, and see how it goes.
(I quit 10 months ago and it was the 2nd best decision I ever made)
You're busting your butt all week, and really enjoy kicking back on Fri/Sat. You've worked hard and you've earned a chance to relax. But is a 2 day buzz the way to go?
Put yourself in your wife (and kids) shoes and ask "how is this affecting them?" You're working all week, and their prime time with you is on the weekend - but you're not 100% your authentic self during the weekend. Plus, you're tired on Sunday which means you can't give them your full energy and attention. Is that fair to them?
These are major "cons".
Does the "pro" of a 2 day relaxing buzz outweigh those cons?
You might consider taking 3 or 4 weeks off, and see how it goes.
(I quit 10 months ago and it was the 2nd best decision I ever made)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
There was something in the Big Book that grabbed me: "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." Later in the book someone is quoted as saying, "when I controlled my drinking I didnt enjoy it and when I enjoyed it I didnt control it." Is your drinking just a matter of poor coping skills? Are there other, healthier alternatives of rewarding yourself after a week of hard labor? Are you using as a way of avoiding relationships? Just some things to ponder. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 54
I can relate 100 percent with you weekenddrinker. I'm 43 as wekk and have been going though this weekend drinking cyccle for 26 years, feeling very guilty on Monday after 10 beers on a Friday night and 15 - 20 on a Saturday afternoon in the garden. Been trying to give up for years and it's very difficult to get out of the habit. It's caused problems with my family as I can never leave the house on a Sunday due to the anxiety it causes and I have no friends to call on.
Really trying hard now and going to give it 200 percent effort. I pray you take action before you get to the stage I'm at or even worse.
Take care.
Spike.
Really trying hard now and going to give it 200 percent effort. I pray you take action before you get to the stage I'm at or even worse.
Take care.
Spike.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
A lot of us have quit drinking for good... a lot of us work hard and want to play and relax too, and it really is about finding other outlets for that, especially when drinking is no longer an option. Once I took it off the table so to speak, and forced myself into new rewards, it became easier and easier to find my tranquility and relaxation without alcohol. My life is incredibly simple now, and busier than it was when I was a drunk. I have a 2 year old so there's that... and as frazzled as I am at the end of the day, sometimes my peace is found in watching mindless TV, devouring books, going to the gym, cooking new meals, watching my son grow, getting good sleep, completing things around the house I never would have with a drink in my hand.. (and so on), and that's enough (and something I'll never regret.)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Middletown, Ohio
Posts: 44
I dunno man. Less then an 18 pack a week sure don't sound like problem drinking to me. In fact it sounds completely normal to be honest. If everyone who drinks a couple of 6 packs a week was considered a problem drinker then the percentage of alcoholics out there would be astronomical. Especially in the young male population. But if it's causing problems with your wife and family I guess that is a different story.
BUT that said, you should listen to these people. I don't know much about the actual definition of being an alcoholic. Me for example. I drink FAR more then you but I actually don't think I meet criteria per se of being an actual alcoholic.
Hell I generally drank 7-10 beers a night damn near every night. My average is about 40-50 beers a week. But I don't HAVE to have it. I want it, but I don't have to have it. A least the way i understand alcoholism. Again though, listen to these people. They have been thru the ringer a lot of them. They know their stuff.
BUT that said, you should listen to these people. I don't know much about the actual definition of being an alcoholic. Me for example. I drink FAR more then you but I actually don't think I meet criteria per se of being an actual alcoholic.
Hell I generally drank 7-10 beers a night damn near every night. My average is about 40-50 beers a week. But I don't HAVE to have it. I want it, but I don't have to have it. A least the way i understand alcoholism. Again though, listen to these people. They have been thru the ringer a lot of them. They know their stuff.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by Ranger05
I dunno man. Less then an 18 pack a week sure don't sound like problem drinking to me. In fact it sounds completely normal to be honest. If everyone who drinks a couple of 6 packs a week was considered a problem drinker then the percentage of alcoholics out there would be astronomical. Especially in the young male population. But if it's causing problems with your wife and family I guess that is a different story.
BUT that said, you should listen to these people. I don't know much about the actual definition of being an alcoholic. Me for example. I drink FAR more then you but I actually don't think I meet criteria per se of being an actual alcoholic.
Hell I generally drank 7-10 beers a night damn near every night. My average is about 40-50 beers a week. But I don't HAVE to have it. I want it, but I don't have to have it. A least the way i understand alcoholism. Again though, listen to these people. They have been thru the ringer a lot of them. They know their stuff.
BUT that said, you should listen to these people. I don't know much about the actual definition of being an alcoholic. Me for example. I drink FAR more then you but I actually don't think I meet criteria per se of being an actual alcoholic.
Hell I generally drank 7-10 beers a night damn near every night. My average is about 40-50 beers a week. But I don't HAVE to have it. I want it, but I don't have to have it. A least the way i understand alcoholism. Again though, listen to these people. They have been thru the ringer a lot of them. They know their stuff.
It is this thought that keeps so many of us from seeking help. I was afraid they would think I was a joke in AA bc I wasn't a daily drinker. But alcohol was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
If it ain't workin then fix it. Why not forgo the weekend drinks and take your wife out dancing?
What's wrong with you? Simply put, you enjoy the buzz that alcohol provides you on weekends and view it as a reward. It's possible that the reward you value so much now could turn into the opposite later. You're here asking questions at Sober Recovery right? Well perhaps there is an inner voice stirring something up, something that needs attention.
Good luck!
What's wrong with you? Simply put, you enjoy the buzz that alcohol provides you on weekends and view it as a reward. It's possible that the reward you value so much now could turn into the opposite later. You're here asking questions at Sober Recovery right? Well perhaps there is an inner voice stirring something up, something that needs attention.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
Most of us here, started as week end drinker. Very moderate.. We did not realize when we lost control.. By the time , it was too late.. Welcome to SR and it is good that you have been able to see , your current drnking pattern as a problem.
It is the right time to address the issue , before your body and brain are damaged to the level, where withdrawal from alcohol is going to feel like hell and also life threatening.
How, about taking up some hobby or sports like Biking, Long Drives, Golf Picnics , Scuba Diving etc, which can keep you busy for hours during week ends ? If your family can also participate in the same activity, it will be more fun and you will be able to keep beer away .. A caution here,. Alcohol does get part of the many hobbies and sports .. Do not choose some hobby or sport which still takes you to the same slippery slope .
It is the right time to address the issue , before your body and brain are damaged to the level, where withdrawal from alcohol is going to feel like hell and also life threatening.
How, about taking up some hobby or sports like Biking, Long Drives, Golf Picnics , Scuba Diving etc, which can keep you busy for hours during week ends ? If your family can also participate in the same activity, it will be more fun and you will be able to keep beer away .. A caution here,. Alcohol does get part of the many hobbies and sports .. Do not choose some hobby or sport which still takes you to the same slippery slope .
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
I am glad to see this thread revived, because I was just talking to my dad about this. He has been sober for 30 years. He explained it to me this way: it doesn't matter as much how much you drink, although alcoholics do tend to drink more than most normies. What matters is how the alcohol affects you. I can't have more than 4 drinks without turning into a total jerk. As my bf puts it, it is like "someone flipped a switch" in me.
Even if the only effect of alcohol is to make you depressed or even uncomfortable, then it is a problem and the way it is affecting you isn't normal.
I thought that perspective was interesting, and I have heard the same thing from many "old timers." I really believe that many people are allergic to alcohol in some way.
Even if the only effect of alcohol is to make you depressed or even uncomfortable, then it is a problem and the way it is affecting you isn't normal.
I thought that perspective was interesting, and I have heard the same thing from many "old timers." I really believe that many people are allergic to alcohol in some way.
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