MysteriousGrl

This might need to be under the family section, and if it does, no offence taken.

I am having a really hard time expressing my true feelings right now after 13 days of sobriety. There are things that people say and do, that I find hard to react to so I just have a monotone reply, while in essence there is so, SO much pent up hurt, frustration, guilt, torment, hurt, everything going on inside of me. When I was drunk, I was able to release without so much as a thought to how other people might feel because it was me that was hurting, and I needed to express. Now that I'm 'sober', I cant even bring myself to confront people, feelings, emotions, anything...for fear of rocking the boat because I have been the one to abuse the conversation and trust in past. How do you get over that????

13 days washed down the window. I drank today

CarolD

First...
I too returned to drinking....more than once after I wanted to quit.
Many of us had false starts before recovery became our way of life.
Please do not let a blip deter you from what will benefit you long term.

When I started my AA steps...I went from shakey sobreity into
solid recovery. Also....useing the Steps has helped me immensley
with all sorts of relationship issues...I can set firm boundries
if needed and have learned to work on my reactions.

I was impatient ...wanted everything to be fixed quickly ...never
worked that way for me. And...some things were not worked
out the way that suited me.

I did keep a journal in early sobriety...it was a good way to unscramble my thinking .
.forumulate what actions were necessary. if any.
That is when ..."let Go...Let God" comes into my thoughts..


Not sure if my experiences fit the situation you are having...but hope so.

jsch

Emotions take a long time to process after being numbed for so long by alcohol. You have to face and feel now and cant stuff and cover up with booze. I have been sober for over a year and I am just now feeling raw emotions. I stuffed my feelings for so long and ran away from them with booze. It is a big adjustment, but I feel human and a lot more real. Have compassion for yourself. Be patient and take the time to feel and process things. You are just getting sober so trust that feelings are just that, they are not facts and they don't have to dictate how you will act. Remember they will pass. Congrats on your 14 days. Hang in there it will get better.

Nevertheless

I don't know why,but the 2 week mark was very tough for me. I don't know how many times I failed right around then. Maybe it's because I would let my guard down. Thinking I had it whipped,and out of the blue comes a craving that made me grit my teeth together. All I can say is we learn from our mistakes.
If you hang around people that are trying to stop drinking long enough. Sooner or later you are going to hear the term "emotional rollercoaster". And man,thats what it is. Screwed up emotions are normal for someone that stops drinking.
The thing that makes it go away is time. We need to learn how to live sober. AA would help with that. AA truly is a place to release emotions.
I hope you get right back on the horse.
Fred

SOBERINNEPA

I hope you get back on the horse, too.

Speaking from my own experience, when I first got sober, I didn't feel that I had the "right" to get angry or upset or to face a confrontation. I had a lot of feelings of shame and didn't feel that I owned the moral authority to defend myself because, hey, I was a drunk, right?

Some of that came from rehab and AA. "Your best thinking got you here." Well, that's a two edged sword and it can keep you from trusting your own, sometimes, valid feelings.

I was different then you, though. I was numb when I was drinking and I really started to FEEL when I got sober. That was very disconcerting. I find myself laughing out loud at idiot commercials and wanting to cry When Sarah McLachlan sings about abused animals. And when I think about what my dear wife went through while I was actively trying to kill myself, my heart would break...and it still does. The emotions, when they come back, can be overpowering and kind of terrifying. But also, sometimes, so very, very sweet.

I did stay sober and the benefits were immediate and tangible. If you can get back on track, you'll feel again. The cotton wool will peel away.

Unless you're a Vulcan. You're not a Vulcan, are you?

MysteriousGrl

Thank you everyone, you all make complete sense and it helps I feel better today, and although I drank yesterday (a bottle of wine), I didn't black out nor did I let it carry on for days on end like I've done in the past. Just having the strength not to let it progress into a full blown bender is an achievement in itself for me. Onward and upward! Thanks again...

sugarbear1

By 2 weeks, I had to either work the steps or return to a slow suicide of active alcoholism.
I chose to work the steps.

While drinking, we weren't really letting go of our feelings, we were really just acting out. Those feelings were really suppressed deep inside of us. The first few months of recovery are emotional roller coasters. As you mentioned, we don't know how to process emotions. It takes time to feel the real feelings and we are letting go of the suppressed feelings and we are just one big feeling. Feelings change. Constantly. Especially in early sobriety.

Writing a journal will help, exercising will also help. Working the steps of AA help, but we still have to feel the feelings as they arise.

You can get through this period with support and a program of recovery. Support starts at SR. It can include in person support from AA meetings and you can learn about you by working the steps of AA.

There are other programs available, too.

Whatever you choose to do, work it like your life depends on it.

I wish you well.

Hugs,

NYCDoglvr

You're in very early sobriety and this is normal. It takes time to "unscramble" our brains and to get in touch with our feelings. But I promise, this will pass.