Evie

Question for everyone.......

I read & reread Under the Influence by James Milam as recommended by Carol D ...... awesome book!!! I dropped a copy of it off at my active abf's house after a long discusssion about his A'ism and our relationship. I never mentioned the book after leaving it. Abf brought the subject of the book on his own on two different occassions. Said that he had read it, but didn't see how it applied to him (I'm sure he is late middle stage). I stayed detatched throughout and didn't really comment back. My focus overall has been with Alanon..... for me. Am staying out of his "stuff". His "wheels" however, seem to be turning. Is it possible to be active, read this excellent book, and to somehow have it not somehow impact one's denial...... ????? In the mean time, I let him go with love in October...... broke my heart, but am leaning on my HP . Thanks!!!!!

Happy New Year .....
Ev

Don W

Hi Evie, Yes it is possible. In my own case there were many signs and I still denied it. Every alcoholic story on TV, newspaper and book matched my life. Yet, I still thought I wasn't that bad. Even when I knew I had a problem I thought I could solve it. Knowing you have a problem and accepting you have a problem was an obsticle I had to overcome. Welcome to SR and I hope things work out. Don W

CarolD

Hi Evie...

Let me clarify....I had been in AA 4 yeas with many relapses at the time I readU TI. I was not in denial.
I was ready to quit.

I too left my drinking lover...and it hurt. But our goals and lives were totally different. He eventually could not keep working and now, at 55 lives off his Mom. Leaving him was one of my wiser moves.

I applaud your commom sense...

Chy

Yes it's possible I read everything about alcoholism hoping to see and be able to justify I wasn't one of the many they described. Took me 26 years to admit I was wrong.

You keep taking care of you!

Tx_Rainwater

Hi Evie,
Yes it is soooooooooo possible, I know from my experience. Everything I had seen/heard/read about alcoholism....was me. I just knew that I could deal with it, handle it on my own without anyone knowing.
So, all I can say is it takes what it takes....and it takes what it takes for that 'UEREEKA!' bulb to flash and the inner knowledge that every alcoholic knows.

Take care of YOU!

Life and Light,
Rain

Music

Hi Evie,
"The Momment of Truth!" Prior to this momment there's nothing but excuses fueled by denial.
The important thing is that you're not in the problem but in your own solution.
Just take care of yourself. Your boyfriend will either get it, or he won't.

Peter

An alcoholic in "denial" is also closed minded to any outside suggestion or influence that tries to get them to look at the implications of their drinking.

By the time I reached "denial" stage in my alcoholism I had heard enough to make me realize that my drinking was a huge problem.

It was up to me to open just a tiny crack in my armour of denial to allow truth to come in.

Many alcoholics remain in denial for the rest of their lives so waiting around for an alcoholic to change is usually not a good idea. The only thing we can do is look out for ourselves.

My willingness to change and to start to move the walls of denial came only when the pain of my drinking became too unbearable.