Scatterbrained

I haven't drank for almost three months now and all of a sudden it is all I've wanted to do this weekend. I thought that part was over, although maybe it was easier to stay sober between the 25 hours a week I work and the 50 I spend either at school or studying.

Now that the semester is winding down, I want to relax. And for me relaxing entails drinking about 200mL (5 fl. oz.) of gin. Just the thought of finishing the last gulp of freezer-temperature gin out of my beaker makes me feel more relaxed than I have been in the last three months. I just feel so "meh" and bored, I've spent almost all weekend in bed and there is nothing I want to do more than drink.

To make things worse, lately my girlfriend has been drinking more than she ever has, only a few beers a night though. She has admitted to me that she has been craving beer when she used to not understand the feeling of the cravings. And this makes me want to drink.

My most recent rationalizations have been me convincing myself that my drinking was not that bad and that I could in fact control myself if I decide to start drinking again. Even though I did only drink 150mL a day for a long while then 200mL a day for the last few months of my drinking, usually with one out-of-control day every month. I am starting to think that was all okay because of it not affecting my work, schooling, or relationship.

I don't know what to do. Does anyone have some helpful info or insight?

Firehazard

Relaxing sounds great but do you need alcohol to do this. Yes our disease will make it seem as though that is the easiest option. There are many though.
Hot bath and deep breathing meditation will work very well I guarantee it. Plus calcium/magnesium is a natural sedative the nerves love it.

Congrats on the three months DONT throw it Away nilly willy

scrambled2012

usually with one out-of-control day every month.

That's more then enough to destroy somebody's life with your uncontrolled behavior--and i'm not even talking about your own life.

With greater time on your hands, yes, this is more of a challange. It calls for thought, planning, goal setting, and steps to prevent yourself from being tempted. My two cents.

vinyl

Hey scatter, I hear the word "I" a lot here, so I'm wondering if you've checked out AVRT at all? Just a thought, but it really helped me discover it's not me, it's the voice, which YOU can absolutely control and beat.

Every time that voice comes up now I get better at separating myself from "it". You gotta remember, it's not you that wants to drink because you know what drinking does to your life. Of course you don't want your life spinning out of control, right? So the obvious answer is, it's not you, it's the voice, or as some of us call it, the beast. Try to find that separation and then simply tell the beast you're done drinking and you'll never change your mind. Look at how the beast reacts. He gets pissed, but so what, you've made your decision.

Also, the beast does not have control over your hands, man, you do! It's your hands that reach for a drink, so don't reach for it next time the beast begs and pleads. Take the control back. Notice how the beast loses it's sh*t when you deny him the drink. It's kinda cool when you do realize the power you actually have over the voice. Once you see the voice for what it is, an insecure animal who has been using you as it's puppet, you'll realize how silly it is you've let it run the show for so long.

Anyway, that's what worked for me. There are many roads to recovery, I just thought I'd share mine, which is not the norm, but it's been effective.

Take care and stay strong.

keepfinding2

How strange. After 2 weeks all thoughts of drinking were outta my head. In the end, it's different for all of us. Hope the best for you.

steelmagnolia

Guess my bottom had harder rocks than yours? That rationalization you are doing is deadly and your gf is not impressing me with her support system. Watch out...sharp curve ahead!