InsertNameHere

So I see one of my compatriats starting to walk in the same steps that I did 5 or 6 years ago when I started drinking on a daily basis. The people that I work with I also live with on a daily basis, so we are around each other all the time. I know that like me he dosen't get into trouble or have a significant personality shift when drinking he mostly just watches whatever sport is on and drinks beer. The question is should I try to say anything to him? If so what? Bear in mind that I haven't confessed my problem to anyone proffesionaly though I have told them that I am "taking a break" from beer. I use that phrase only to imply that I never had a true problem I just want to for other reasons like weight loss and such. But back on the subject at hand. Back in the day I had a few people that were concerned about my level of drinking but I was able to easily brush those concerns asside, citing that I have no family and am responsible at work, and don't get in trouble so what is the problem? I would be willing to bet that is the same excuse that I will hear from him along with the classic "well there isn't anything else to do here". All of those reasons I understand I am just trying maybe to stave someone off from getting to the stage that I got to where it is all that you know how to do anymore and when you try to stop you can't. At least not right away or without some form of help/guiadance. Of course it is entirely possible that he does not have a problem and upon leaving here or getting somewhat of a better life he will just cutdown naturally. So is there anything that you all think can/should be done here?

I am just wanting some outside input. Thanks.

desertsong

Well, he already knows that you have given up drinking for whatever reason. You certainly could express your concerns and share your experience with going down the same path and where you felt it was leading. It never hurts to plant that seed. We can suspect that we have a problem, but unless and until someone else sees it and mentions it, we can often ignore it and keep it within ourselves. Once other people start noticing it, it becomes harder and harder to deny. A chat with you may cause that "light bulb" to turn on for him.

But planting the seed is really all you can do for now. You can't get him sober - only he can do that, and he has to want it. You already know that. Depending on how much of your own journey you want to share with him, you can at least let him know that as a friend, you have concerns about how much he is drinking and that if he ever wants to stop, as you have, you can help him. Beyond that, it's up to him.

Nirvana1

I think "attraction not promotion" fits well in most situations. I think there has been enough collective experience over the years with people trying to step in and help other drinkers that didn't ask for it. It's best to just do your part and show him and other people the changes you are making. Essentially by "walking the walk" you will attract people who want/need to stop, but by "talking the talk" you will mostly turn people away, if that makes any sense.

SOBERINNEPA

I have one friend, in particular, who tends to binge with his wife. I wouldn't get far preaching to him, I don't believe, but I mention when I'm going to meetings and show off my coins, when I get them.

If he ever wants help, or is mandated to get help, I hope he comes to me. I'm pretty open about my recovery, though. Not everyone can afford that.

doggonecarl

I can understand the urge to help a colleague. But why should he take the advice of someone who, in his own words, is "taking a break" from beer?. Own up to your problem and to your recovery, and when decides he has a problem, if that day ever comes, he might feel more empowered to seek out your council.

hypochondriac

INH. thanks for posting this. I had the same situation with a stranger...I wanted to say something but was terrified how I'd come across. I was lucky that this person spoke about their drinking first. They were the first person I told I am an alcoholic. But when I mentioned this place they shut off a bit. I think when you're newly free you want everyone else to be too, but you can't make anyone.

I like this:

When I've told anyone I've stopped drinking it's usually the people who drink alot who start asking the serious questions. Stay sober and hopefully you'll inspire people. When I was growing up I didn't know anyone who didn't drink. I'm looking forward to being that person for my nephews and niece

GirlFromCO

Hey INH. I think the best thing to do is lead by example. You could make it clear somehow that you're open and willing to talk to him - and maybe casually mention that you're however much time sober and btw it's awesome (I'd do those things separately though or else it might seem like you're pressuring him to talk). Other than that there isn't much you can do. I bet the F&F forums would have some good advice too