The difference between going to meetings and working the steps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 54
The difference between going to meetings and working the steps
I have been going to AA for the last couple of months but do not yet have a sponsor and have not started working the steps.
I have two questions.
1. How do you go about getting a sponsor. There is one woman in my meetings I have spoken to a couple of times, and would like her to be my sponsor. Should I ask her, or is it for her to offer? What is the done thing in AA?
2. For those who have worked or are currently working their steps, what was the difference in your opinion between
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
Any experience, advice, or response would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks
Smiley
I have two questions.
1. How do you go about getting a sponsor. There is one woman in my meetings I have spoken to a couple of times, and would like her to be my sponsor. Should I ask her, or is it for her to offer? What is the done thing in AA?
2. For those who have worked or are currently working their steps, what was the difference in your opinion between
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
Any experience, advice, or response would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks
Smiley
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
You'll probably get better responses to your questions if you post this in the alcoholism 12-Step forum.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You should ask her to be your sponsor, she may or may not offer, but it is for you to do the asking. Does she seem happy, content? Has she worked the steps herself.
The difference between just going to meetings and actually working the steps? The solution to alcoholism is in the steps, doing the work. At meetings, good ones, people share about their experience in the steps, the program of AA. Meetings are not the program.
There are some people in the 12 step section who can explain it better than I, stop on over!!
The difference between just going to meetings and actually working the steps? The solution to alcoholism is in the steps, doing the work. At meetings, good ones, people share about their experience in the steps, the program of AA. Meetings are not the program.
There are some people in the 12 step section who can explain it better than I, stop on over!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by smileyblue 
I have been going to AA for the last couple of months but do not yet have a sponsor and have not started working the steps.
I have two questions.
1. How do you go about getting a sponsor. There is one woman in my meetings I have spoken to a couple of times, and would like her to be my sponsor. Should I ask her, or is it for her to offer? What is the done thing in AA?
2. For those who have worked or are currently working their steps, what was the difference in your opinion between
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
Any experience, advice, or response would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks
Smiley
I have two questions.
1. How do you go about getting a sponsor. There is one woman in my meetings I have spoken to a couple of times, and would like her to be my sponsor. Should I ask her, or is it for her to offer? What is the done thing in AA?
2. For those who have worked or are currently working their steps, what was the difference in your opinion between
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
Any experience, advice, or response would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks
Smiley
He said "Sure" .... and we were inseparable until he passed in 1997
2) They are not either/or for me. I need both to make it work well. Very soon it will become evident to you how this works and how everything dovetails together.
This may help:
Meetings are living laboratories
Who would have thought that picking up coffee cups after a meeting would help us transform our lives? But going to an AA meeting is one of the great learning experiences of Alcoholics Anonymous. Meetings are living laboratories for the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. They teach us to listen, to get along with our fellows, to take responsibility for our own actions, to be patient, to give service, to ask for help, and to reach out to those who need help. They help us form lifelong friendships of true intimacy, connect with all manner of people, speak what's in our hearts, share solutions as well as dark days, and find a power greater than ourselves in our common goodness. For one hour or so, we can set aside our apartness and become part of a spiritual gathering with a spiritual goal. A lot happens in an AA meeting.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Good question to ask.
Most new people miss that and figure that making another firm decision and hitting a few meetings is going to make any difference at all in staying stopped. Just stopping temporarily we can do in a closet or a treatment center.
Changing enough to do the rest of our lives sober requires a different basis of meeting life, something the experience of going through the 12 steps delivers for the few who take those actions. Being guided by a sponsor makes it easier and a deeper experience for those who utilize that available tool.
Asking for someone to help you is an act that benefits you. It means you understand you don't have all the answers or understanding needed. That you are insufficient alone. If you have someone spotted who has done the stuff and got the usual great results, one way to do it is to ask for a moment of their time and say 'would you be my sponsor'. Being unclear about what you want or waiting for them to take the bait and volunteer is an error and hurts you, so take the better path.
Don't be afraid to ask someone with 30-40 years for help. They know the ropes and are likely to have answers for your questions.
If you ask and don't contact them and allow the relationship to grow between you then you have done nothing of value for yourself. Put them to work as that's good for them and for you.
Most new people miss that and figure that making another firm decision and hitting a few meetings is going to make any difference at all in staying stopped. Just stopping temporarily we can do in a closet or a treatment center.
Changing enough to do the rest of our lives sober requires a different basis of meeting life, something the experience of going through the 12 steps delivers for the few who take those actions. Being guided by a sponsor makes it easier and a deeper experience for those who utilize that available tool.
Asking for someone to help you is an act that benefits you. It means you understand you don't have all the answers or understanding needed. That you are insufficient alone. If you have someone spotted who has done the stuff and got the usual great results, one way to do it is to ask for a moment of their time and say 'would you be my sponsor'. Being unclear about what you want or waiting for them to take the bait and volunteer is an error and hurts you, so take the better path.
Don't be afraid to ask someone with 30-40 years for help. They know the ropes and are likely to have answers for your questions.
If you ask and don't contact them and allow the relationship to grow between you then you have done nothing of value for yourself. Put them to work as that's good for them and for you.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by smileyblue
1. How do you go about getting a sponsor. There is one woman in my meetings I have spoken to a couple of times, and would like her to be my sponsor. Should I ask her, or is it for her to offer? What is the done thing in AA?
1. Find a meeting in your area known to have good sponsors and watch for the announcement where the chair-person says "Those willing to sponsor please raise their hands.
2. Announce yourself during "Any AA related announcements" part of the meeting that you are seeking a same-sex sponsor.
3. Simply wait till after the meeting and approach someone that you think would make a good sponsor and start a conversation with them. Let them know you are looking for a sponsor and ask for their recommendation.
Originally Posted by smileyblue
2. For those who have worked or are currently working their steps, what was the difference in your opinion between
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
A: just merely going to meetings (my current status)
and
B: working your steps with a sponsor?
B. Working the steps with a sponsor is a specific program of action designed to lead a person to a "Spiritual Awakening" which will release the person from the obsession to drink. The goal of spiritual based recovery is to become liberated from the underlying causes that lead a person to drink in the first place. Most "Meeting Makers" never get to that level of recovery.
(This would be much easier to explain in the 12-step-forum where I could use Big Book quotes to backup my words with time tested experience).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
Early on i began to look for the characteristics in sober folk who seemed to really have a big, together, meaningful life. Invariably i found that they had done that step work. Even the act of asking for help and following anothers advice was such a needed change for me- opened me up to an entirely new way of doing stuff... and gave me a solid avenue to get out of my old isolation habits
step work with a sponsor is where i did the deep work . It allowed me to "uncover discover discard" many of the self defeating, self threatening behaviors that IMHO would not have disappeared just cause i quit drinking/using. Allowed me to challenge lots of pretty ridiculous views i had of myself and others.
It gave me the courage to explore the spiritual side of my life and the freedom to evolve that notion as i needed
It allowed me to map out an honest method of dealing with the various ugliness i had perpetrated on others in my past.
set the foundation for passing on to a newcomer that same program- another place where i can bypass my egocentricism ...
as a side benefit- my creativity always takes a big quantum leap when i am doing step work.... cannot say "why". just is...
step work with a sponsor is where i did the deep work . It allowed me to "uncover discover discard" many of the self defeating, self threatening behaviors that IMHO would not have disappeared just cause i quit drinking/using. Allowed me to challenge lots of pretty ridiculous views i had of myself and others.
It gave me the courage to explore the spiritual side of my life and the freedom to evolve that notion as i needed
It allowed me to map out an honest method of dealing with the various ugliness i had perpetrated on others in my past.
set the foundation for passing on to a newcomer that same program- another place where i can bypass my egocentricism ...
as a side benefit- my creativity always takes a big quantum leap when i am doing step work.... cannot say "why". just is...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 54
Thanks for all your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate you all taking the time to answer my questions.
I would like to repost my original post in the 12 step forum, how do I go about doing this. Sounds like a dumbs question right! But please help!
Thanks
Smiley
I would like to repost my original post in the 12 step forum, how do I go about doing this. Sounds like a dumbs question right! But please help!
Thanks
Smiley
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path...Here are the Steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery."
Those are two of the lines that introduce AA's program of recovery in the Chapter 'How it Works.' The difference between going to meetings and taking the Steps was the difference between life and death for me. Less dramatically, but no less true, it was the difference between being recovered and repeatedly relapsing.
The BB contains specific and clear-cut directions for how those first AAers recovered from a hopeless condition. I see it play out hundreds of times every year; those who take the Steps in AA recover and have their lives transformed, and those who just go to meetings tend to bounce in and out, always fighting and rarely staying sober for long.
Those are two of the lines that introduce AA's program of recovery in the Chapter 'How it Works.' The difference between going to meetings and taking the Steps was the difference between life and death for me. Less dramatically, but no less true, it was the difference between being recovered and repeatedly relapsing.
The BB contains specific and clear-cut directions for how those first AAers recovered from a hopeless condition. I see it play out hundreds of times every year; those who take the Steps in AA recover and have their lives transformed, and those who just go to meetings tend to bounce in and out, always fighting and rarely staying sober for long.
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