CleoAK

So I had seven years of sobriety starting when I was 24, this last August I fell off the wagon. I have a 14 month old as well as a wonderful hubby who has offered to quit drinking to help me (he has about 1 beer a week). I can't seem to stop. I went from Christmas to now without much trouble but I am away for a week on a conference and I fell right back into it. I think he knows but I am afraid to talk to him as he would be so hurt but it. He was so hurt before. I can't bear to hurt him and yet it doesn't stop me. The thing is it is so much worse this time, I fell right back into those destructive behaviors but it isn't just about me anymore and I don't know what to do. I did an out patient treatment program in August and I know all the mind tools but it seems to overcome them. I am so ashamed of myself, I really hate myself right now. I don't know how to fix this mess I have made, I am a terrible person and I don't know where to turn anymore. My life is so much better without it, why isn't that enough for me?

Terminally Unique

What did you use (if anything) to stay sober for seven years? By 'mind tools', I presume you mean Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Rational-Emotive Therapy (REBT)?

CleoAK

Yes, i reposted this in the secular section as i am interesting in getting some idea of tools from that realm...

2granddaughters

Cleo, were you attending AA?

CleoAK

I did for a while, I have a different view point however and so stopped going about 6 months in.

TheJungianThing

Great news. I guess you're figuring out how to start. Seeking. That's where it begins.

I hope you find what you need. I echo TU's signature.

"I have full faith in your capacity to recover, even if you do not"

One thing that might be helpful though is - when people in the secular section suggest things - give them a shot regardless of your point of view. It can't hurt to try right ?

I know if I looked for something that 100% agreed with my point of view, I'd still be drunk. I had to try something, anything, and put my point of view aside to see what got results.

You can do it. Good Luck.

langkah

I guess the trick is to believe you can stop and stay stopped, that you won't fall back into it, that you won't let down the people who trust you and those feelings will be enough to stop you. That you won't do distructive behaviors and that the mind tools you can learn will be enough to overcome this problem. As a good person you will understand life is better sober and that will be enough for you.

Unless that doesn't work out for you long term. Then you're what's sometimes called 'beyond human aid' and will be needing a spiritual solution to your problem. In which case you might have to expand your short list of preferred options.

Keep in mind as you go there are other options available for the many people who find REBT and CBT techniques are not enough to allow them to remain sober, and should you happen to be one of those people don't feel you are locked in and without additional choices that work well for many of us here on SR.

awuh1

Sounds like you are looking for tools to help you stay sober. There are many. Some are more effective than others. Some as you said are “mind tools” . I doubt you are familiar with them all (or, for that matter, if anyone is). Let me suggest one you may not have considered or completely investigated.

There are times when the only way out of a problem is a “paradigm shift”. This involves a different way of looking at something. Following this “shift”, the same events (past present and future) are understood in a completely different way. In this “new understanding” the external world is viewed quite differently and offers possibilities and solutions that were invisible before. It requires a willingness to shift ones outlook in order to have any chance of succeeding. This has happened in the history of science any number of times. In physics, for example, this involved many different “ways” of “seeing” reality (via newtonian, relativity, quantum field, string theory… etc .). This has caused our basic notions of what reality IS, to change. What seems to be happening is that we are getting closer and closer to seeing things as they truly are. What’s fascinating (at least for me) are the many validations of ancient thought that have taken place in the process. In other words, there seems to be recent solid scientific validation of some spiritual thought (particularly “eastern” spiritual thought), via the scientific method.

In short, I hope that no form of intellectual pride prevents you from considering spirituality (however you define that term) and that you find even more, of what will help, than you are looking for.

BTW my current paradigm does not allow me to see you as a “terrible person”.

winslynn

Alcoholism always gets worse as time goes by,it never gets better.You have a broken mind when it comes to alcohol and are not going to be able to stop by yourself.It may take some time before you finally realize this,hope you don't have something horrible happen in the meantime.

Scottneedspeace

I'm only on day three so I can't give you as good advise as others right now. I can say though the fact that your relapse is bothering you this much is a good indication that you are not beyond help. I'm sure your loved ones are not going to abandon you just because you slipped up (maybe many times before) What's really important above all else is your health and state of mind. You've been given some really good advice here...please at least try it and stop beating yourself up. That will get you nowhere in a hurry. You are worth it believe me. You need to find a way for you to be able to believe that. Try again...your worth the effort!,
Scott

Scottneedspeace

I like how you think awuh1

whynot4856

Seven years is a big accomplishment! How did you do it?

You don't have to hate yourself for relapsing.
You were able to get sober before & you can do it again

LadyNoBinge

Cleo, thank you for such an honest post, it is so brave to reach out when you are struggling. First, please know you are not a terrible person. That is your addiction talking, telling you how awful you are to try to convince you that you do not deserve recovery. You deserve a good life with your husband and baby. You sound very overwhelmed, can you take it back to basics for the time being? By that I mean, one day at a time, staying in today, not drinking today, taking good and compassionate care of yourself for today. Please don't hate yourself! You deserve to have a good life. I hope you find a path that works for you. Please be kind to yourself! xo