eoval

Hi all, 1st post.

Brief background - 36 YO, went to inpatient 19 years ago (didn't work haha), but I've been a daily hard alcohol drinker for most of my life since then. The last few months I've had sole custody 2 of my kids (3 & 4) and I don't drink around them. They spend Friday and Saturday with my ma and pa so my 11 YO from my 1st marriage can have 1-on-1 with me (only time I get to see him - he doesn't spend the night).

Hence my problem - I quit drinking every Sunday and am basically fine through the week. Then, the dreaded Friday after my oldest leaves, I keep screwing up! I don't want to drink Friday morning, but by the time the afternoon rolls around the back of my mind has started scheming and planning an early trip to the liquor store next door and getting impatient for my son to leave.

Here's the kicker and why I'm posting - I keep forgetting that I don't want to drink (and I DON'T!) I'm cruising along, taking care of what I need to take care of, and the drinking plan pops up. I actually have to REMIND myself that I don't want to and I'm cruising along again and everythings good and the same sneaky planning pops up again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

The thing that gets me is that I truly really actually don't want to drink. Half the time I go buy it it's halfhearted. Half the time I have it I don't really want to even open it, but some part of me won't be satisfied until I pour it down my throat, and the next thing I know I'm waking up groggy with a headache (the kind I never got when I drank daily LOL.)

It's like I'm insane because I keep forgetting that I don't want to drink!! Does anyone have an idea to help and/or know what I mean and how to get past 1 day a week?

Lenina

Have you ever considered looking into Rational Recovery and making a plan to not drink? There's a very good thread in the Secular section on AVRT. Give it a look. Sounds to me like you really are tired of drinking and ready to quit. RR helped me a lot!

Love from Lenina

alaskasunshine

I know the feeling. Don't even want to drink and I do it. The thought just pops up in my head. I hear that happened to most of us at one point in our drinking. But I have also been told that the longer you stay sober the less strong the voice is. Good luck!!

Dee74

Hi eoval

Welcome

many of us would identify with that weekend warrior pattern - it was mine for many years.

Coming here and finding support really helped me - it made a difference knowing I wasn't alone.

If you don't want to drink this weekend, fan that spark inside you - plug yourself into the support here

D

foodie1

Welcome eoval, most all of us here can identify in some way with what you're going through. I feel for you, and I hope you're able to find a method of recovery that suits you.

sugarbear1

I suggest finding a few inspirational quotes & putting them on sticky notes & posting them around as reminders of your new today & soberly beautiful future!

You can stay stopped!

FlyerFan

It is extrememly hard when that little voice in the back of your head tries to tell you "its okay, you can just have one" and the next thing you know you're waking up a day later on the floor or something.

gravity

The AA Big Book describes it as "obsession." I had that obsession for about 25 years. In my experience, it lessens and eventually goes away provided you are doing something to change your way of thinking (e.g.. core beliefs). Best wishes!