keepstrong

I found this tonight.. I'm not sure what this is.. a song.. a poem.. who knows.

But the message is clear. This is about all of us here, and what we need to do, and not do. I wish you all strength in doing what needs to be done, and not doing, what we need to not do. Whether it's a person, thought, or an action. The message seems to be stop fighting, and just accept it and go forward. I hope I get to this point....

_________________

I need to cry
I need to stop crying

I need to smile
I need to stop smiling because of you

I need to be strong
I need to stop getting strength from you

I need to live life
I need to stop living life with you

I need to run away
I need to stop running towards you

I need to dream
I need to stop dreaming of you

I need to fight
I need to stop fighting for you

I need to want more
I need to stop wanting more of you

I need to move on...
I need to.

I need to stop...
Stop being in love with you

I love you and you know that
I love you and you know I did my best to show it

I love you and you know I gave it all
I love you and you know ill give more

I love you and you know ill stay
But I love you...
And I know I can't...

So, ill walk this off
Ill walk away
As soon as I can

Ill run if I have to
Ill run if I have enough strength to

I hate the love I still have for you
I hate the hope I'm holding on to.

I hate the pain you've caused
I have the scars it will leave

I hate the trust I gave you
Even more that you broke it.

I hate your guts
I hate my weakness
I hate the sacrifices
I hate the strength I get from you

I hate the longing
I hate the guilt
I hate the agony
I hate the tears
I hate the memories
I hate the tears!

I hate the life I yearn to live
I hate living without you
I hate that I have to

I hate the way I love you
I hate the way I want you despite it all

I hate the way this is so hard for me
I hate the way it's so easy for you

I hate the way everything reminds me of you
I hate the way I hate all those wonderful things

I hate the way you sing to me
I hate the way I fall for you
I hate the way I think of you
And dream of you


I hate the way I'm so attached
I hate the way I cry over you
I hate the way I smile because of you

I hate the way we fell in love
I hate it more that we fell apart

I hate the way I have to do this
I hate it that i'm moving on

I hate you for making me love without limit
I hate you for making me give all of me without reservations

I hate you for making me cry tears of love, joy and pain
I hate you for leaving me again and again

I hate you for making me vulnerable
I hate you for making me strong
I hate you for making me numb

I hate you for making me feel safe and needed
I hate you for making me feel more alone and destitute

I hate you for making me wait
I hate you for making me hold on

I hate you for making me do this...
I hate that I have to move on.
I hate you for cheating on me...
I hate me for running after you over and over.
I hate you for not fighting for me...
I hate you for fighting for her.
I hate you for letting me go...
I hate me for holding on.
I hate you for wasting our years and all what could have been...
I hate me because i dont hate you at all.

2granddaughters

Thank you for the post.
Pretty much describes what goes on in my head on any given day...damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I love the AA coffee mugs they sell around here at retreats and round-ups etc.. Says "Sober, but still crazy".
I guess I'm right where I'm supposed to be !! I just have to accept and be grateful for it.... that's the hard part.

Best wishes for your 24

Bob

DayTrader

I get what the writer is trying to say.........but I can't identify with a lot of what's in there unless I try to roll back to my old pre-recovery mind. That's the type of stuff I felt a lot of the time and it dominated me.

Personally, I found it rather contrary (especially the second half - which I found to be pretty twisted) to what I've learned in recovery.

2granddaughters

Doesn't it feel good to be able to say that !!
A lot of the conflicting crap left my thinking over the years too but I still sometimes want my cake and eat it too.....and sometimes enjoy the dogfight in my head. Today the fight only lasts for minutes instead of months.

Bob