Gettingstarted

My dh is helping me by being sober with me these past few weeks, but we got invited to the neighbors who are his best friends. I don't want to go but I feel bad not to support him and get out of the house. I know I won't be tempted to drink, but I am a homebody and hate leaving the house. Do you think it is wrong to just tell the neighbors I didn't go with because I have a migraine?

I knew eventually the situation would come up that my dh would want to hang out with the neighbors and have a few beers... But then it leaves me alone once again and that is what I used to do every night . Pour my drinks and watch tv...get nice and numb.

Dee74

I'm a homebody too - it's genuinely the way I am.
Does your husband feel he needs this support from you?

I think staying home and not drinking is very different to staying home and drinking - or it should be.

I have so much to do nowadays I don't know how to fit it all in

D

Gettingstarted

That is my problem though.... Every nit for many years the only thing I did each night was drink and sit on the couch. I don't know what to replace it with. I haven't watched tv for 3 weeks because it triggers the desire to drink. I'm trying to watch a movie tonight... But can't focus.

PS - dh went to the neighbors. So I'm alone without drinks. I've been playing words with friends to pass the time.

artsoul

It took me a while to figure out what to do with myself, too. I think that's totally normal. It's kind of like moving to another city - things are strange at first, but little by little we start to know our way around, make friends, etc......

Nothing sounded good to me at first, but over time I got my real self back and my interests as well. I'm sure the same will happen for you......

Sapling

That's a great way to look at it...And so true!...Good post.....And I agree with Dee...As long as you aren't sitting home drinking alone...You can tell them anything you want.

Gettingstarted

Hugs! I love the support and advice offered from the heart and experience here. No more pity party for me! I made the right decision by staying and being sober, but need to try not to do the self pity/pouting. It is my mood to make better.... Not my husband.

Sapling

I'm not big on pity parties either...I'm the only one that ever shows up.

Gettingstarted

Sapling..... I love it. I may have to write that one down and read it when I get in this mood. How in the world do I hope for or expect support and others to turn their moods down for a useless pity part of mine!?!? Lol at myself and slapping my forehead.

LovesToTravel

My husband (and I) would visit with the neighbors and everyone would drink. If you never drank over with them you should think about going because nobody expects you to drink...might be better than sitting alone...and thinking about not drinking. I learned that I was fun to be around not drinking and now enjoy our visits.

dawnrunner

One way to handle this type of invitation, where you know there will be drinking and you won't want to be around it for an extended period, is to go show up, but have a reason to leave after awhile.

That way your husband gets your company for awhile, you get to honor the invitation, you can bring something etc., but extract yourself after a planned amount of time (say you will stay 1/2 hour).

You can make any excuse or none; I usually have something I need to do (grade exams, 'finish a project', let the dogs out, whatever).

It is good to be social, but also good to know your limits.

SlimSlim

Your pattern/habits sounds a lot like mine. I knew that I had to stop drinking, but it took me a long time to stop because I played a mind game with myself making excuses of "not knowing what to drink if I don't drink alcohol."

My first month of not drinking, I would mix things up every night when I came home from work. Instead of pouring a drink and going up to the computer, I might do the puzzles in the newspaper, or a load of laundry, or anything else that was outside of my pattern. It really helped a lot.

As for finding a substitute for alcohol, I now drink a lot of camomile tea (really helps in a lot of ways, not to mention warming me up with the thermostat set to 60), V-8 juice and seltzer water. I don't like sodas (too sweet) and can't handle caffeine late in the day, so these are working out fine for me.

Good luck and keep up the good work.