My story that ended 12 years of being a drunk
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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My story that ended 12 years of being a drunk
12/15/2011. A date I've seared into my mind as the first day of the rest of my life.
So, I've silently visited these boards for a long time and finally conjured up the courage to put the bottle down and tell my story. Back story:
I'm 33, male about 200 lbs (used to be 150 prior to accelerated consumption of alcohol). Healthy otherwise with the exception of high BP (surely alcohol related). Three years ago while living back East (live West US now) I "put my foot down" and went to my MD. He prescribed me Ativan and Naltrexone. That night, I took an Ativan (felt great) and Naltrexone. Stupidly, I decided to have a "last hurrah" and drank about 10 beers.
About 5am, I was cramping, sweating having trouble breathing, etc, and asked me wife to take me to the ER. There I was, hooked up to IV's beginning what I thought was the start of sobriety. I told the staff I wanted to enter a recovery program, and 10 minutes later called them back in and said nevermind, I can't just disappear from work for a month or so. After a few hours, I was released.
Took the Ativan and Naltrexone...didn't drink for a few days. Oops, slipped back into drinking, this time more so than ever.
Three years passed. Transferred out West with my job and travel a lot. Found myself looking forward to the end of the day so I could hit the bars for happy hour. I would always have 4 or so beers then grab a 6-pack on the way back to my hotel. All gone in the AM and felt like **** every day, but pressed on. At home, did the same, but usually with a hidden bottle of vodka in my office. Would swig and drink high alcohol beer back and forth. Did this for years without the wife knowing.
Around October, I scheduled a lot of vacation for December with the plan of becoming sober. Went to my MD in mid-December, told him everything. He was obviously very concerned and put me on Librium and Paxil. I told him I was very concerned about seizures and wanted to make sure stopping wouldn't kill me. He assured me the Librium would help and if not, go to the ER.
So far, as of 12/27, I am 12 days clean and honestly am free of strong urges to drink. My wife and I went to dinner last night and she got a martini while I sipped on ice water (she hardly ever drinks). So far so good. My MD also prescribed Antibuse, but I'm afraid to take it due to the sensitivity of the drug (cologne, lotion, nyquill, etc). I will take it as my job's social events are littered with free booze...it will certainly deter me from veering off course.
So that's my story. I can count on one hand the number of days in the past 12 years that I have not had 6+ (at least) drinks. Today I don't have enough fingers to count my sober days, and that's a good feeling.
Going to try AA but am a bit concerned with the coffee/cigarette/cult moniker that's associated with the program, but what the hell. I can never drink again and that's that, so if it helps than I'm all in.
Good luck to all who suffer from this disease. I hope I stopped before my Liver is damaged permanently. My wife and dogs need me
.
So, I've silently visited these boards for a long time and finally conjured up the courage to put the bottle down and tell my story. Back story:
I'm 33, male about 200 lbs (used to be 150 prior to accelerated consumption of alcohol). Healthy otherwise with the exception of high BP (surely alcohol related). Three years ago while living back East (live West US now) I "put my foot down" and went to my MD. He prescribed me Ativan and Naltrexone. That night, I took an Ativan (felt great) and Naltrexone. Stupidly, I decided to have a "last hurrah" and drank about 10 beers.
About 5am, I was cramping, sweating having trouble breathing, etc, and asked me wife to take me to the ER. There I was, hooked up to IV's beginning what I thought was the start of sobriety. I told the staff I wanted to enter a recovery program, and 10 minutes later called them back in and said nevermind, I can't just disappear from work for a month or so. After a few hours, I was released.
Took the Ativan and Naltrexone...didn't drink for a few days. Oops, slipped back into drinking, this time more so than ever.
Three years passed. Transferred out West with my job and travel a lot. Found myself looking forward to the end of the day so I could hit the bars for happy hour. I would always have 4 or so beers then grab a 6-pack on the way back to my hotel. All gone in the AM and felt like **** every day, but pressed on. At home, did the same, but usually with a hidden bottle of vodka in my office. Would swig and drink high alcohol beer back and forth. Did this for years without the wife knowing.
Around October, I scheduled a lot of vacation for December with the plan of becoming sober. Went to my MD in mid-December, told him everything. He was obviously very concerned and put me on Librium and Paxil. I told him I was very concerned about seizures and wanted to make sure stopping wouldn't kill me. He assured me the Librium would help and if not, go to the ER.
So far, as of 12/27, I am 12 days clean and honestly am free of strong urges to drink. My wife and I went to dinner last night and she got a martini while I sipped on ice water (she hardly ever drinks). So far so good. My MD also prescribed Antibuse, but I'm afraid to take it due to the sensitivity of the drug (cologne, lotion, nyquill, etc). I will take it as my job's social events are littered with free booze...it will certainly deter me from veering off course.
So that's my story. I can count on one hand the number of days in the past 12 years that I have not had 6+ (at least) drinks. Today I don't have enough fingers to count my sober days, and that's a good feeling.
Going to try AA but am a bit concerned with the coffee/cigarette/cult moniker that's associated with the program, but what the hell. I can never drink again and that's that, so if it helps than I'm all in.
Good luck to all who suffer from this disease. I hope I stopped before my Liver is damaged permanently. My wife and dogs need me
.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Anon))) - Welcome to SR!! I'm really glad you went to your doctor, as alcohol withdrawal can be really bad, even fatal. As much as your wife and dogs (love that!) need you, YOU deserve a life in recovery. AA is great for some people, others don't like it, but I believe when you want recovery bad enough, you find your way. SR has been a huge part of my recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Thanks for sharing, and glad you've decided to join us 
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 16
Thanks for the comments everyone. I feel great, not even wanting to take my usual route home which usually included stopping by the liquor store. It does feel strange that I've been able to essentially end a 12-year daily habit so suddenly. I did smoke at one point and took Chantix which worked, so my MD said I have a pretty strong will to end habitual abuse of substances.
My nights are quite nice. Watching movies and actually remembering them. That's a pretty neat thing that I haven't experienced in a long time. Also, waking up I feel great.
Started the Atibuse today...so far so good. Weaning off the Librium also as it makes me sleepy during the day.
Off to a great start. I keep reminding myself that one drop is all it will take to unwind what I've accomplished. I can do this!
My nights are quite nice. Watching movies and actually remembering them. That's a pretty neat thing that I haven't experienced in a long time. Also, waking up I feel great.
Started the Atibuse today...so far so good. Weaning off the Librium also as it makes me sleepy during the day.
Off to a great start. I keep reminding myself that one drop is all it will take to unwind what I've accomplished. I can do this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 16
One of the best things about being 100% sober is, (caution, controversial topic coming up) is I can carry my Glock pistol (legally - have a license) concealed all the time (when not at work). I never got a chance to take advantage of my CCW license because I had been constantly drinking and that's an OBVIOUS big no-no that I always respected.
No I don't think I'm some badass because I carry a concealed weapon. I just feel proud that I live in a state that allows it and quite frankly I hope I never have to use it to protect myself, my wife, or other victims of a crime in progress.
I guess it's just refreshing to think of the things I can now do as a sober American.
Strange reply I know, but it's something that's rewarding to me now that I've chosen to be sober.
No I don't think I'm some badass because I carry a concealed weapon. I just feel proud that I live in a state that allows it and quite frankly I hope I never have to use it to protect myself, my wife, or other victims of a crime in progress.
I guess it's just refreshing to think of the things I can now do as a sober American.
Strange reply I know, but it's something that's rewarding to me now that I've chosen to be sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 16
One of the best things about being 100% sober is, (caution, controversial topic coming up) is I can carry my Glock pistol (legally - have a license) concealed all the time (when not at work). I never got a chance to take advantage of my CCW license because I had been constantly drinking and that's an OBVIOUS big no-no that I always respected.
No I don't think I'm some badass because I carry a concealed weapon. I just feel proud that I live in a state that allows it and quite frankly I hope I never have to use it to protect myself, my wife, or heaven forbid helpless victims of a crime in progress.
I guess it's just refreshing to think of the things I can now do as a sober American.
Strange reply I know, but it's something that's rewarding to me now that I've chosen to be sober. And yes, I am trained in firearms safety and know what I'm doing.
No I don't think I'm some badass because I carry a concealed weapon. I just feel proud that I live in a state that allows it and quite frankly I hope I never have to use it to protect myself, my wife, or heaven forbid helpless victims of a crime in progress.
I guess it's just refreshing to think of the things I can now do as a sober American.
Strange reply I know, but it's something that's rewarding to me now that I've chosen to be sober. And yes, I am trained in firearms safety and know what I'm doing.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Anon4recovery 
Going to try AA but am a bit concerned with the coffee/cigarette/cult moniker that's associated with the program
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 43
I carry on a permit, as well. There are plenty of licensed police officers who carry off-duty (and on for that matter in rare instances) and who drink. Not that it is right, but, of all people. They should know best, right? And, in my state, atleast, it's not illegal to carry while drinking, but you'd better stay under a 0.04% which is what a beer or maybe two?
How many hunters drink and carry their rifles around - They don't make those camo Busch cans for nothing. Guns and sobriety are always the best, though!
How many hunters drink and carry their rifles around - They don't make those camo Busch cans for nothing. Guns and sobriety are always the best, though!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by T1234
I carry on a permit, as well. There are plenty of licensed police officers who carry off-duty (and on for that matter in rare instances) and who drink. Not that it is right, but, of all people. They should know best, right? And, in my state, atleast, it's not illegal to carry while drinking, but you'd better stay under a 0.04% which is what a beer or maybe two?
How many hunters drink and carry their rifles around - They don't make those camo Busch cans for nothing. Guns and sobriety are always the best, though!
How many hunters drink and carry their rifles around - They don't make those camo Busch cans for nothing. Guns and sobriety are always the best, though!
Not good. I would never ever do something like that.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I also carry concealed with a license. Mine is a Colt Python snub 357 (it's my baby and very rarely leaves my possession). My mom was 74 years old and was the 2nd women licensed to carry concealed when the Florida law went into effect. The lady who was first, her last name started with a letter earlier in the alphabet than mine.
Nothing wrong with carrying concealed now a days.
As to AA coffee, YUCK. I was always a coffee lover and when I started AA I thought they were trying to poison me, rofl so even though I would make the coffee for several of the meetings I went to, I always brought my own from home to drink at the meeting.
As to the smoking, well with all the NEW NON SMOKING laws in most states now, most meetings are non smoking, where at break those that need to go outside and have a smoke.
The AA meetings can help to:
1) find other sober folks and maybe make a few friends,
2) to discuss the program and get into the solutions so that no MATTER WHAT, we don't pick up a drink.
3) to find a sponsor that will 'guide' you through the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA and the steps.
So try some meetings, you will find folks from ALL walks of life, in various stages of recovery.
Congrats on your 12 days.
Love and hugs,
Nothing wrong with carrying concealed now a days.
As to AA coffee, YUCK. I was always a coffee lover and when I started AA I thought they were trying to poison me, rofl so even though I would make the coffee for several of the meetings I went to, I always brought my own from home to drink at the meeting.
As to the smoking, well with all the NEW NON SMOKING laws in most states now, most meetings are non smoking, where at break those that need to go outside and have a smoke.
The AA meetings can help to:
1) find other sober folks and maybe make a few friends,
2) to discuss the program and get into the solutions so that no MATTER WHAT, we don't pick up a drink.
3) to find a sponsor that will 'guide' you through the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA and the steps.
So try some meetings, you will find folks from ALL walks of life, in various stages of recovery.
Congrats on your 12 days.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Hurray!! Here's to a sane and sober future, where you are around mentally and physically to take care of those you love, including the canines!
As far as AA goes, you might be pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure where we all got our stereotype of AA meetings: Hollywood? TV? I had it too.
But in reality, they are all different. I went to one where the conversation was dominated by jock-type health-nut hockey dads, believe it or not. They all pounded each other on the back and talked about weight lifting. Women did not exist in this meeting. Then for awhile I went to one where it was almost all women, who took out their knitting and such, and proceeded to tell the most hair-raising stories you have ever heard, about hitting bottom with alcohol and crawling back up. I mean these ladies had seen the dark side, for real.
Let a meeting surprise you. It is very very helpful to hear others' stories, and to see the simplicity (not easiness) of keeping sober.
As far as AA goes, you might be pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure where we all got our stereotype of AA meetings: Hollywood? TV? I had it too.
But in reality, they are all different. I went to one where the conversation was dominated by jock-type health-nut hockey dads, believe it or not. They all pounded each other on the back and talked about weight lifting. Women did not exist in this meeting. Then for awhile I went to one where it was almost all women, who took out their knitting and such, and proceeded to tell the most hair-raising stories you have ever heard, about hitting bottom with alcohol and crawling back up. I mean these ladies had seen the dark side, for real.
Let a meeting surprise you. It is very very helpful to hear others' stories, and to see the simplicity (not easiness) of keeping sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
Welcome!
If you are going to go to AA, and I would encourage you to if so inclined, make sure to try out several different meetings in different locations. The stereotypes about AA were part of the reason I didn't go (well, and then there was the denial issue . . .).
I've sampled a number of AA meetings over the past few years and have a couple favorites that I try to never miss because I enjoy the people. You might be surprised by what you find.
If you are going to go to AA, and I would encourage you to if so inclined, make sure to try out several different meetings in different locations. The stereotypes about AA were part of the reason I didn't go (well, and then there was the denial issue . . .).
I've sampled a number of AA meetings over the past few years and have a couple favorites that I try to never miss because I enjoy the people. You might be surprised by what you find.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 111
I agree, try out AA. You'll hear people say "keep coming back" and do it. The first meeting will probably seem a little uncomfortable, but in my opinion there is nothing like face-to-face interaction with other alcoholics to remind me that:
1. I am an alcoholic
2. I am not alone
3. There is a solution
and lots of other things. Try out a couple of different meetings, as they are all different. But personally I can almost always identify with people at any meeting - though of course some are more comfortable than others. And yes, I too was scared out of my wits/intimidated/sure that people in the meetings would be scary and different than me and... I'm not sure what. So silly.
1. I am an alcoholic
2. I am not alone
3. There is a solution
and lots of other things. Try out a couple of different meetings, as they are all different. But personally I can almost always identify with people at any meeting - though of course some are more comfortable than others. And yes, I too was scared out of my wits/intimidated/sure that people in the meetings would be scary and different than me and... I'm not sure what. So silly.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Anon4recovery
Going to try AA but am a bit concerned with the coffee/cigarette/cult moniker that's associated with the program, but what the hell. I can never drink again and that's that, so if it helps than I'm all in.
Congrats on your time.........and even more congrats on your willingness to try something different - even something you don't "want" to try but are going to give it a shot anyway. That type of attitude will serve you VERY VERY well in recovery.
** as for the CCW, it think as others have stated.......that it's totally fine. I've been told though, that even a CCW doesn't permit (in Michigan maybe) one to carry on school property or in a church. NO idea if that's true or not but one of my sponsees a while back who had a CCW was corrected by another member who also had a CCW (but didn't carry in meetings) that his glock was not welcome in the meeting because it was held in a school.... not trying to start a debate or derail the thread.....just tossing that out there as something to make sure of before you carry into the wrong place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 16
Thought I'd chime in...approaching my 8 month anniversary! I've dabbled a bit with drinks since 12/15/2011, but have kept it well in check. Mostly about 3 beers at work functions (only about 5 times since last year). I consider that a success. I do grab a 6'r of O'Douls or some other N/A brew every once in a while (St. Pauli Girl is tasty). I sip on them but that's about it. More or less a methodical thing without alcohol (ok, 0.5%...).
I've felt great, went from 210 lbs to 155 lbs! I actually have grown concerned about my weight loss...as is my MD. I had some blood work done this morning to check for hyperthyroidism. I am also not sleeping well and have vivid dreams, waking up tired every day. Also, I have bowel issues where I have to go RIGHT NOW. Maybe it's diet? Dunno yet, but I'm thinking it's something physiological as a result of stopping booze.
In all, I feel so much better than I have the past 12 years.
For those struggling - just think of how much better your life will be. I never thought I could put the bottle down, and now look at me!
I've felt great, went from 210 lbs to 155 lbs! I actually have grown concerned about my weight loss...as is my MD. I had some blood work done this morning to check for hyperthyroidism. I am also not sleeping well and have vivid dreams, waking up tired every day. Also, I have bowel issues where I have to go RIGHT NOW. Maybe it's diet? Dunno yet, but I'm thinking it's something physiological as a result of stopping booze.
In all, I feel so much better than I have the past 12 years.
For those struggling - just think of how much better your life will be. I never thought I could put the bottle down, and now look at me!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 153
Glad to hear you're doing so well, Anon4Recovery. 8 months is a great accomplishment, and I am sure you will continue to build on this great investment in your own health and recovery.
Proud of you, man.
Without meaning to sound the slightest bit critical, though, I do have to make one point - perhaps your focus should be addressing the occasional slips you've been having, understanding why and coming up with a plan to eradicate them for good.I know from many painful past experiences that giving alcohol a foothold even once can threaten my longterm sobriety plans. Just a thought...
Proud of you, man.
Without meaning to sound the slightest bit critical, though, I do have to make one point - perhaps your focus should be addressing the occasional slips you've been having, understanding why and coming up with a plan to eradicate them for good.I know from many painful past experiences that giving alcohol a foothold even once can threaten my longterm sobriety plans. Just a thought...
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