Goodbye 2011! I'll remember you fondly.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Goodbye 2011! I'll remember you fondly.
A little early, but I was in a reminiscing mood just now.
At the end of last year I said to myself "2011 is MY year". I knew I wanted to quit drinking this year (hell I've wanted to every year since about 2005) but about three months into the year I gave up on quitting. Work became stressful, as I strived to survive in a management position I wasn't really qualified for. I drank to sleep, to wind down after work, to feel social, to stop boredom. I packed on another 18kgs directly linked to stress and the boozing to deal with stress.
About midway through the year I found myself on holiday, wandering drunkenly around the streets of a third world country completely lost coming in and out of blackouts. There was a happy end to that story, a taxi driver saved me, and helped me get home, even though I didn't even know what the address of the hotel was, or the name of it. There could've been a very different outcome to that tale...
But that didn't stop me. More drinking, more stress. I started to drink before work and before meetings, a sixpack between 6.30am and starting work at 8.30am. Lord knows how I functioned. Some stuff I won't even admit in here... Finally my health gave me a warning, with a BP sky high of 170/110 - more suited to someone in their 70s than someone in their late 20s! My mum and sister were really becoming worried, and although I didn't realise it at the time my relationship was getting very shaky. I decided it was time to be serious... finally talked to the doctor and counsellor and started a plan.
My last real night drinking and again I was wondering around lost in a strange city. My phone battery was flat so I couldn't call a cab, and I had no idea where I was. I blacked out way before leaving the bar, which I went into after doing some shopping, and when I came-to I was walking through what appeared to be a pretty 'iffy' neighbourhood at early evening with a vague memory of being kicked out of a cab for vomiting on the back seat. Bawling my eyes out and walking from house to house trying to find help, I eventually found a group of people who were having beers in their front yard. The lady who helped me is an angel in my memory, without her who knows what would have happened. The guys in the house reminded me very much of how my ex used to act when he was "off tap" and violent and I knew, drunk though I was, that if it weren't for that lady controlling them I'd be in trouble. At one stage one of them came up to me shouting, though I can't remember what, and she got in between us and told him to get away. With her help I managed to call a cab and get back to the hotel, miraculously with my shopping still in tow, my phone and all my money (having also been to the casino, I discovered the next day, from the $200 of chips in my purse).
A good example of how your last drinks could really be the LAST thing you do. I had someone watching over me that night. That was the last night I got drunk, and two days later I committed to sobriety like I never had before.
Despite the crap, for me 2011's been a good year. Because October came and I finally lived up to the person I was meant to be. It took me a lot longer than I'd hoped, and I wonder what sort of year I might have had if I'd quit in January... how much better would that holiday have been? How many less fights? Less tears? To be honest, I'm just glad I made it out alive and didn't get arrested in a foreign country and thrown behind bars.
Despite the horrors, 2011 really was my year. A big part of me thought sobriety was impossible. I never honestly believed I'd ever be out of the clutches of alcohol, and still don't 100% believe I'm free - but I now know a different way of living, and I know what to do to keep living that way.
For the first time I cannot wait to see what the new year brings! I can't wait to take advantage of every moment, and to never black out again. I know there'll be stress, but I don't feel as purposeless as I used to, I feel like I have some control over my destiny all of a sudden. And it no longer involves a brown bottle.
At the end of last year I said to myself "2011 is MY year". I knew I wanted to quit drinking this year (hell I've wanted to every year since about 2005) but about three months into the year I gave up on quitting. Work became stressful, as I strived to survive in a management position I wasn't really qualified for. I drank to sleep, to wind down after work, to feel social, to stop boredom. I packed on another 18kgs directly linked to stress and the boozing to deal with stress.
About midway through the year I found myself on holiday, wandering drunkenly around the streets of a third world country completely lost coming in and out of blackouts. There was a happy end to that story, a taxi driver saved me, and helped me get home, even though I didn't even know what the address of the hotel was, or the name of it. There could've been a very different outcome to that tale...
But that didn't stop me. More drinking, more stress. I started to drink before work and before meetings, a sixpack between 6.30am and starting work at 8.30am. Lord knows how I functioned. Some stuff I won't even admit in here... Finally my health gave me a warning, with a BP sky high of 170/110 - more suited to someone in their 70s than someone in their late 20s! My mum and sister were really becoming worried, and although I didn't realise it at the time my relationship was getting very shaky. I decided it was time to be serious... finally talked to the doctor and counsellor and started a plan.
My last real night drinking and again I was wondering around lost in a strange city. My phone battery was flat so I couldn't call a cab, and I had no idea where I was. I blacked out way before leaving the bar, which I went into after doing some shopping, and when I came-to I was walking through what appeared to be a pretty 'iffy' neighbourhood at early evening with a vague memory of being kicked out of a cab for vomiting on the back seat. Bawling my eyes out and walking from house to house trying to find help, I eventually found a group of people who were having beers in their front yard. The lady who helped me is an angel in my memory, without her who knows what would have happened. The guys in the house reminded me very much of how my ex used to act when he was "off tap" and violent and I knew, drunk though I was, that if it weren't for that lady controlling them I'd be in trouble. At one stage one of them came up to me shouting, though I can't remember what, and she got in between us and told him to get away. With her help I managed to call a cab and get back to the hotel, miraculously with my shopping still in tow, my phone and all my money (having also been to the casino, I discovered the next day, from the $200 of chips in my purse).
A good example of how your last drinks could really be the LAST thing you do. I had someone watching over me that night. That was the last night I got drunk, and two days later I committed to sobriety like I never had before.
Despite the crap, for me 2011's been a good year. Because October came and I finally lived up to the person I was meant to be. It took me a lot longer than I'd hoped, and I wonder what sort of year I might have had if I'd quit in January... how much better would that holiday have been? How many less fights? Less tears? To be honest, I'm just glad I made it out alive and didn't get arrested in a foreign country and thrown behind bars.
Despite the horrors, 2011 really was my year. A big part of me thought sobriety was impossible. I never honestly believed I'd ever be out of the clutches of alcohol, and still don't 100% believe I'm free - but I now know a different way of living, and I know what to do to keep living that way.
For the first time I cannot wait to see what the new year brings! I can't wait to take advantage of every moment, and to never black out again. I know there'll be stress, but I don't feel as purposeless as I used to, I feel like I have some control over my destiny all of a sudden. And it no longer involves a brown bottle.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
ForeverDecember,
Thank you for sharing this. I have to say, it gave me chills to hear the scary details of your last drinking . There is an old saying, "God watches over drunks and little children", and it truly have been so in your case. I am glad you are here, and that your outlook for the new year is truly bright.
congratulations on your sobriety, and best wishes to you.
hugs
chicory
Thank you for sharing this. I have to say, it gave me chills to hear the scary details of your last drinking . There is an old saying, "God watches over drunks and little children", and it truly have been so in your case. I am glad you are here, and that your outlook for the new year is truly bright.
congratulations on your sobriety, and best wishes to you.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Wow...That is quite a story...I don't think anybody decides it's time to give up drinking on a winning streak....The first half of 2011 was probably the worst half a year in my life...My complete falling apart....Wasn't even sure I wanted to live any more...Felt like dying would have been an easier way out of the hole I had dug for myself. Alcohol was my master.
July 1st was my first day sober and I found the program of Alcoholics Anonymous....I did what I was supposed to do and this second half of 2011 has been the best half of a year in my life....Bar none. Today I pick up my sixth month chip....By the grace of God and the program of AA...That is truly a miracle for me. I'm looking forward to many more miracles in 2012....One day at a time.
July 1st was my first day sober and I found the program of Alcoholics Anonymous....I did what I was supposed to do and this second half of 2011 has been the best half of a year in my life....Bar none. Today I pick up my sixth month chip....By the grace of God and the program of AA...That is truly a miracle for me. I'm looking forward to many more miracles in 2012....One day at a time.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Thanks guys 
I am very lucky to be sitting here today I think there might be something in that phrase, god watches over children and drunks!
I was by no means an "extreme" drunk either - an extreme drinker, yes, but as far as the X-lotto of life goes I had a good draw. Good family, good job, average money (times got tight, but never was at risk of bankruptcy)... I am not on one end of the extreme or the other, not living on the streets, and not living off a trust fund. It just goes to show that no matter who you are or where you're coming from, alcohol is the great equaliser.
I am very lucky to be sitting here today I think there might be something in that phrase, god watches over children and drunks!I was by no means an "extreme" drunk either - an extreme drinker, yes, but as far as the X-lotto of life goes I had a good draw. Good family, good job, average money (times got tight, but never was at risk of bankruptcy)... I am not on one end of the extreme or the other, not living on the streets, and not living off a trust fund. It just goes to show that no matter who you are or where you're coming from, alcohol is the great equaliser.
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