checkmate1

I surrended after a 18 pack beer binge. I had no options I rang the police to take me away and to the hospital where I spent 3 days in the psych ward. I blew .19 at that stage. I'm 5 days sober hoping this will be the last time. I've had my moments but I'm still here and sane. It's true what they say 1 is to many 100 not enough. I'm going to get some counselling soon got a lot of help and was given many options while in hospital at what to do. The doctors said this is the end of the line for me brain damage will be next. I'm sad, scared, I want to live. My love of the buzz has lead me to a life of nothing. Unfortunately I can't escape no more just take life as it is one day at a time.

Bianca105

Hi Checkmate,
The only way is up
Best wishes you can do it

F355

I feel about the same mate. I'd almost rather die than continue with this downward spiral of destruction.

If there is hope I just don't know where it is sometimes.

Dee74

I'm glad you got some help checkmate - I hope you'll run with this new chance

D

Sapling

Six months ago I was exactly where you were....It was a little more than 18 a day, but that is enough. I was hopeless and helpless. And that is a very scary place to be. I detoxed for five days...I think I blew a .256 when I got there and was at about at the end of the line. I had no control. I was told my liver was enlarged and I knew that because I could feel it.
In rehab I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, knowing nothing of the program but the name. And I hated the name. Denial is a hard thing to face..but I had to face my problem because I wanted to live. They gave me a Big Book and I spent my free time in rehab devouring it. The book was about me..Plain and simple. After a week there I attended my first meeting... some lady asked me if I wanted to go to with her and I accepted. I listened...sat in the back....and I don't know what it was, but I walked out of that meeting feeling at peace and with a glimpse of hope. I asked if I could go the next day and continued that for a week....And kept studying that book like my life depended on it...It did.
Long story short...I left rehab two weeks early...Went to a meeting close to my house, made it my home group and had a sponsor two days out of rehab. I have been to at least 1 meeting everyday since...somtimes as many as three in a day...Because I like them. I have taken the 12 steps (Spent about 80 days on those....But I was fearless and thorough from the very start.) Why?...Because the book told me to do that. I listened...took advice and followed the directions in the book. It changed my life and I haven't had a drink or drug since....I used to like to smoke pot too. The obsession has been removed and I am enjoying life. So if you feel that there is no hope for you....I can only offer what worked for me....It came down to...How much do I want to stop drinking for good?...And how much do I want to live? I went to any lengths. Good luck whatever you choose....As long as it's something.

instant

I used to tremble at the thought of taking life as it is. The cold dread was intense. I am now 7 months sober and life is infinitely better, despite my dire predications.

I was wrong.

I have found the peace in sobriety I fruitlessly chased after in the bottle.

Straight Edge

24hrsAday

as painful as the beginning was for me checkmate.. it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. you never have to do this again. One day at a Time!

PaleMale

Being in a room with other former drunks has been empowering for me as well. I could not quit by myself. I tried numerous times. I ran out of apologies, and I no longer respected myself. Tears of humiliation and defeat in my eyes, I raised my hand and told the room I was an alkie. And my sobriety began.

Welcome and good luck! Sobriety is worth it, however you keep it.

Anna

Hi Checkmate,

I'm glad that you got through that and found the help you need.

Please know this can be the last time you have to go through this.

FT

Hey, dude.

I know you can do it.

FT

langkah

Sounds as if at bottom you're not the kind of person who would take away someone's life out of willfullness and selfishness. You'll thank yourself for this later on.

The points at which we begin to grow from are often terrible ones.

You now understand more than you did before, and the desperation you now feel could be harnessed to impel you to do the things that will alter your life. One way of looking at it is you are now forced by circumstances beyond your control to move toward having a good and purposeful life that soon you'll not trade for anything.