lor

hi everyone i have jusr started on sr today is my 3rd day of not drinking i have previously posted on newcomers but thought i would share here also. i hope thats ok! on wednesday i repeated the same cycle i have repeated for yrs. i got a babysitter went out supposedly christmas shopping and blew through my savings for christmas in the local dive bar, pounding shots with random idiots, just not giving a sh*t. needless to say on thursday i wanted to punch myself in the head for being so stupid bc i had been doin good for about 2 weeks. i just had a baby 3 months ago and i did not drink while i was pregnant thank god but now that my body is my own again for some reason i feel the need to abuse myself horribly!!i also have 2 other children and my mothering now consists of doing nothing bc im hungover and then overcompinsating for my guilt by being the worlds best mommy. it SUCKS!! i grew up around nothing but alcohol my mom is a disastorous drunk til this day. we own a bar for gods sakes. i dont want to be like this anymore. not to mention im only 29 i feel and prob look 39 and the waistline is slowly expanding also.... ugh will it ever get better??? i feel so guilty i have done terrible things when im drunk to all the ppl that love me. when im drunk i have no shame no morals and not a care in the world. but in reality im the complete opposite of that person. i just want to be happy!!!

Dee74

Hi lor

Have you thought of getting real life support besides SR?

D

lor

ya know i have but i just moved here not long ago so its not easy finding a babysitter plus i dont drive which makes things really hard even to go to walmart i need my husband to take me lol but its def something im intested in and and def going to look into

Dee74

I hope you can work something out...changing our life is tough - I think it's good to find all the support we can get

D

dawnie24

It must be hard for ya esp when ya family owns a bar ... Can't you try get away from it all with your children and start fresh

least

I can understand feeling 'horrible but hopeful' very well. Early recovery can be a time of conflict as your brain gets used to functioning without alcohol and gets back to normal.

I get my support from SR and my weekly addiction counselor sessions. My counselor is wonderful and very helpful. Could counseling be a workable option for you?

Welcome to the family.