Unsure if I belong here...
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Unsure if I belong here...
Hi there, I'm new. I'm reaching out on a limb, unsure of what to expect or if I even belong here. I guess I'll start with a little of my background and what's currently going on. I'm sorry if this is fragmented.
I grew up in a household where my mom was an alcoholic. She'd drink every night and I ended up having to take care of her. There were many reprocussions due to this and after being away from the environment for a few years I have made peace pretty much. I am no longer mad at her. Almost a year ago she almost died from her alcoholism. Growing up I used to swear I'd never drink....oh how that has changed....
My mom is an alcoholic (the entire family knows and she almost died, yet still denies she has any problem), one of my aunts is an alcoholic, my grandmother was an alcoholic, and my great grandfather was an alcoholic....all from my mom's side. Heredity I guess?
Well, I found myself belonging to two places in this forum: adult children of alcoholic parents and....those that are alcoholic.
Now, I don't know if it IS a problem or possibly becoming one and I'm just extra aware due to my mom. I used to drink occasionally, but when i did it was to get DRUNK. I don't know what buzzed is, nor do I know how to stop before I pass out or get sick. I used to also say I ONLY would drink on friday or saturday nights, never during school.
This summer I started drinking nightly, only with a few drinks though. It was a habit for a few weeks, but then school started and I stopped. Then....I started drinking Thursday nights (a school night) through sunday nights (also school night). For the past few weeks I've had 4-10 drinks every night. I'm panicking at the thought of having NO alcohol in the house at all, I'm craving alcohol throughout the day and thinking about it first thing in the morning. If i didn't have to drive or have class I probably would drink in the morning. In class I sit there waiting to go home to drink.
Those thoughts alone make me think I have a problem or...I"m developing one. However, my mind says "you're still getting A's so it's not impacting your school so it's not a big deal," and "I'm not as bad as mom was screaming, passing out, or hitting...." yet the other night my partner found me sleeping with a pack of toilet paper haha. So apparently I AM passing out and then sleep walking (I remember going to bed) or something....I don't know. My mind also says "you've only been drinking like this a few weeks, an alcoholic is someone that does this for years (I guess since my mom did and she's the only example I know)." Yet, I don't want to BECOME my mom, I really don't. How do i stop the fight in my head??
Again, I don't know if I belong here, but I wanted to post. Part of me feels guilty because I KNOW what it's like to grow up with an alcoholic, yet I feel I am becoming one, or have the potential to. It's an odd fight in my mind, definitely.
I grew up in a household where my mom was an alcoholic. She'd drink every night and I ended up having to take care of her. There were many reprocussions due to this and after being away from the environment for a few years I have made peace pretty much. I am no longer mad at her. Almost a year ago she almost died from her alcoholism. Growing up I used to swear I'd never drink....oh how that has changed....
My mom is an alcoholic (the entire family knows and she almost died, yet still denies she has any problem), one of my aunts is an alcoholic, my grandmother was an alcoholic, and my great grandfather was an alcoholic....all from my mom's side. Heredity I guess?
Well, I found myself belonging to two places in this forum: adult children of alcoholic parents and....those that are alcoholic.
Now, I don't know if it IS a problem or possibly becoming one and I'm just extra aware due to my mom. I used to drink occasionally, but when i did it was to get DRUNK. I don't know what buzzed is, nor do I know how to stop before I pass out or get sick. I used to also say I ONLY would drink on friday or saturday nights, never during school.
This summer I started drinking nightly, only with a few drinks though. It was a habit for a few weeks, but then school started and I stopped. Then....I started drinking Thursday nights (a school night) through sunday nights (also school night). For the past few weeks I've had 4-10 drinks every night. I'm panicking at the thought of having NO alcohol in the house at all, I'm craving alcohol throughout the day and thinking about it first thing in the morning. If i didn't have to drive or have class I probably would drink in the morning. In class I sit there waiting to go home to drink.
Those thoughts alone make me think I have a problem or...I"m developing one. However, my mind says "you're still getting A's so it's not impacting your school so it's not a big deal," and "I'm not as bad as mom was screaming, passing out, or hitting...." yet the other night my partner found me sleeping with a pack of toilet paper haha. So apparently I AM passing out and then sleep walking (I remember going to bed) or something....I don't know. My mind also says "you've only been drinking like this a few weeks, an alcoholic is someone that does this for years (I guess since my mom did and she's the only example I know)." Yet, I don't want to BECOME my mom, I really don't. How do i stop the fight in my head??
Again, I don't know if I belong here, but I wanted to post. Part of me feels guilty because I KNOW what it's like to grow up with an alcoholic, yet I feel I am becoming one, or have the potential to. It's an odd fight in my mind, definitely.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
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Welcome! I think you are right where you need to be. 
Alcoholics come in many different shapes, sizes, ages, levels of severities, etc. Alcoholics can be young or old, rich or poor, intelligent or unintelligent, you name it. The one thing we have in common, IME, is we do now have the ability to stop drinking once we start, and when we don't drink we crave it. It sounds like both of those apply to you.
Whether or not you want to label yourself as an alcoholic, it seems obvious to me that your drinking has gotten to an unhealthy level. If nothing else, your physical health will begin to suffer if you continue to drink 4-10 drinks per night.
When I was growing up, the only person I knew was an alcoholic was an uncle I had who would disappear for periods of time, then suddenly show up, always reeking of booze, lost his license, had no job, in and out of treatment, in and out of jail. That was my only example, so when I started to question my own drinking as a teenager I wondered if I was really all that bad.
I'm so happy you've found us here. I would definitely encourage you to continue to post and read other's stories. You may find that some things resonate with you. I'm sorry that you had such a complicated childhood, perhaps now it is time for you to seek emotional healing and break the familial cycle of addiction.
Best wishes to you.
Alcoholics come in many different shapes, sizes, ages, levels of severities, etc. Alcoholics can be young or old, rich or poor, intelligent or unintelligent, you name it. The one thing we have in common, IME, is we do now have the ability to stop drinking once we start, and when we don't drink we crave it. It sounds like both of those apply to you.
Whether or not you want to label yourself as an alcoholic, it seems obvious to me that your drinking has gotten to an unhealthy level. If nothing else, your physical health will begin to suffer if you continue to drink 4-10 drinks per night.
When I was growing up, the only person I knew was an alcoholic was an uncle I had who would disappear for periods of time, then suddenly show up, always reeking of booze, lost his license, had no job, in and out of treatment, in and out of jail. That was my only example, so when I started to question my own drinking as a teenager I wondered if I was really all that bad.
I'm so happy you've found us here. I would definitely encourage you to continue to post and read other's stories. You may find that some things resonate with you. I'm sorry that you had such a complicated childhood, perhaps now it is time for you to seek emotional healing and break the familial cycle of addiction.
Best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by T2Logan 
Again, I don't know if I belong here, but I wanted to post. Part of me feels guilty because I KNOW what it's like to grow up with an alcoholic, yet I feel I am becoming one, or have the potential to. It's an odd fight in my mind, definitely.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Originally Posted by T2Logan
Those thoughts alone make me think I have a problem or...I"m developing one.
Baby Girl D
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: x..Manchester, England..x
Posts: 592
Welcome to the forum logan... Seems lot of history in the family of alcoholics, you should look at your mom then think do I really wanna be like that do I wanna end up in hospital ... Think of the negatives of alcohol,
You're surely in the right place, ppl will help you on here
You're surely in the right place, ppl will help you on here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Thank you everyone for the understanding and welcoming replies. No one seems judgmental here at all I haven't had much time to hop back on the forum, but I will do my best to read more stories and posts.
I haven't had much time to hop back on the forum, but I will do my best to read more stories and posts.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome T2Logan!
I felt at home when I came here, too, knowing that the people here understood what I was going through. It made all the difference and gave me hope that I could quit drinking, too. It was scary and strange at first, but I'm so glad I got sober.
Keep reading/posting - I think you'll find a lot you can relate to as well.
I felt at home when I came here, too, knowing that the people here understood what I was going through. It made all the difference and gave me hope that I could quit drinking, too. It was scary and strange at first, but I'm so glad I got sober.
Keep reading/posting - I think you'll find a lot you can relate to as well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Waking up with the mysterious toilet paper is a blackout...better a roll of toilet paper than some other possibilities, but it's a serious symptom of alcoholism.
I was full blown (can't contol amounts, had to drink despite my decisions not to) by age 19, and stayed that way until getting sober in AA at 28. Staying a drinking alcoholic for any time at all is a poor decision, as the possibilities for great grief are surprising.
Great grief and thinking this thing out logically never turned the trick for me because this thing is beyond any effective control for very long.
Try stopping to see if you can make it 3 months. If you cannot then you're pretty far progressed, and if you can stop and then return to alcoholic drinking then you have another piece of the puzzle. Either way you'll be more informed about what you may need to deal with the rest of your life.
Good luck, and remember there is a way out if you find it's beyond you too.
I was full blown (can't contol amounts, had to drink despite my decisions not to) by age 19, and stayed that way until getting sober in AA at 28. Staying a drinking alcoholic for any time at all is a poor decision, as the possibilities for great grief are surprising.
Great grief and thinking this thing out logically never turned the trick for me because this thing is beyond any effective control for very long.
Try stopping to see if you can make it 3 months. If you cannot then you're pretty far progressed, and if you can stop and then return to alcoholic drinking then you have another piece of the puzzle. Either way you'll be more informed about what you may need to deal with the rest of your life.
Good luck, and remember there is a way out if you find it's beyond you too.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I am no expert, but what I think is "inherited" is the capacity to develop cravings. Cravings are very complex and seem to encompass the mode the mind is working in, emotions and various behaviours that lead to drinking. The only way to get rid of a craving is to drink, but this feeds them and makes them stronger over time (this seems to be happening to you).
The other way to stop cravings is not give into them and in time they will diminish, but not without a fight.
Alcohol changes our brains.
Alcoholism is progressive.
The other way to stop cravings is not give into them and in time they will diminish, but not without a fight.
Alcohol changes our brains.
Alcoholism is progressive.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
I understand where you're coming frOm T2Logan. I only drink at night, never had an issue with the law or work or my family. But when I tried to stop drinking and couldn't easily then I realized I had an issue.
I was drinking anywhere from 3-6 drinks a night and usually only evenings but the last week of absolutely no alcohol has been quite difficult. I'm planning on not drinking for a good long time. As it is apparent that I am alcohol dependent.
So worrying if you have alcohol around - yes I'd be worried about feeling that way, feeling like you can't control it and you tend to drink until drunk. Yep I'd worry about that also.
I agree with pp why not just stop for 3 months? If it's hard at least you caught the problem early and it will be easier to beat (see how I didn't say easy but easier) and if it's not hard then you don't have an issue yet - but I'd keep an eye on it if I were you.
Hang around for awhile
I was drinking anywhere from 3-6 drinks a night and usually only evenings but the last week of absolutely no alcohol has been quite difficult. I'm planning on not drinking for a good long time. As it is apparent that I am alcohol dependent.
So worrying if you have alcohol around - yes I'd be worried about feeling that way, feeling like you can't control it and you tend to drink until drunk. Yep I'd worry about that also.
I agree with pp why not just stop for 3 months? If it's hard at least you caught the problem early and it will be easier to beat (see how I didn't say easy but easier) and if it's not hard then you don't have an issue yet - but I'd keep an eye on it if I were you.
Hang around for awhile
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Langkah and Tigger: honestly, at this moment the idea of not drinking for a week makes me VERY anxious and seems almost impossible, even if it's just 1-2 drinks a night. I think 3 months right now seems really far away. Possibly after a week of nothing that 3 months won't seem so hard and it's just the initial few days that'll be the most difficult?
Langkah - I didn't realize that would be considered a "black out" hmmm, makes me think more.
Instant - the craving concept makes sense to me.
Trying not to drink as much or at all is causing a cyclical effect: emotions from not drinking start racing, but the racing thoughts make me want to drink to shut my mind off....it's frustrating!
Langkah - I didn't realize that would be considered a "black out" hmmm, makes me think more.
Instant - the craving concept makes sense to me.
Trying not to drink as much or at all is causing a cyclical effect: emotions from not drinking start racing, but the racing thoughts make me want to drink to shut my mind off....it's frustrating!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
If drinking is not a problem, the length of time that you would quit shouldn't be a problem either. An experiment with quitting completely (as in no alcohol whatsoever) should give you some very valuable information about yourself. Susan Lauren
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 52
Your story sounds much like my own. My mother, aunt, uncle all on my mom's side are/were alcoholics. My mother died from it. I, also, did the comparison of well I'm not as bad as my relatives. I also worked in a bar throughout college where I was surrounded by people who were worse off than me. Well I'm not a drunk like so and so. I would also like to blanket my addiction in that I just am a heavy drinker or have issues but they're controllable. I don't drink in the morning or only drink on these days. I'm employed, graduated college and had no severe repercussions like a DUI or worse from drinking so I must be okay. Right? Wrong. I have a drinking problem and am an alcoholic.
I think about drinking often, crave it when it's not around and realized that my drinking patterns were not normal. I also realized that although I didn't have a DUI that I also was not accomplishing what I could because of drinking. I felt like crap and was starting to get some health repercussions.
Quitting started out as a I think I have a problem lets try this out to I know I have a problem and can't drink anymore. Dealing with being sober proved to me that I'm an alcoholic but I don't like the term due to the negative connotations associated with it. I didn't think of myself as one but alcoholic, I learned, is a relative term. I just like to say I have alcohol issues and can't drink. Drinking again will just lead me, sooner or later, back into the same pattern.
Welcome and best of luck on your journey!!!!
I think about drinking often, crave it when it's not around and realized that my drinking patterns were not normal. I also realized that although I didn't have a DUI that I also was not accomplishing what I could because of drinking. I felt like crap and was starting to get some health repercussions.
Quitting started out as a I think I have a problem lets try this out to I know I have a problem and can't drink anymore. Dealing with being sober proved to me that I'm an alcoholic but I don't like the term due to the negative connotations associated with it. I didn't think of myself as one but alcoholic, I learned, is a relative term. I just like to say I have alcohol issues and can't drink. Drinking again will just lead me, sooner or later, back into the same pattern.
Welcome and best of luck on your journey!!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Brea, CA
Posts: 13
I think everyone belongs here!
You and I sound exactly alike! I am on my 4th day sober, I've drank increasingly heavily over the past 5 years until this past two weeks I found myself waking up so hungover that I would take a shot "to feel better." A shot turned into me being passed out drunk by noon. Waking up at 3:00 hungover again, drinking again. I almost have never had a drink during the day until these past few weeks.
A few days ago I woke up feeling so close to death I'd had enough. I forced myself through the withdrawl the first few nights and am feeling much better but no where near normal.
I was a functioning alcoholic for sure, working 75 hour work weeks but hungover every single day. Until that turned in to me not showing up to work at all in a matter of months. Don't let it creep up on you because it will and you wont know how it happened.
Welcome and good luck to you, I never thought I'd be able to live a day without drinking, but once you get past the initial sickness (which is worse for some than others) you really start to feel the weight of what you're doing to your body lift.
Catch it now before you're so gone to even realize you have a problem, respect for your post!!
You and I sound exactly alike! I am on my 4th day sober, I've drank increasingly heavily over the past 5 years until this past two weeks I found myself waking up so hungover that I would take a shot "to feel better." A shot turned into me being passed out drunk by noon. Waking up at 3:00 hungover again, drinking again. I almost have never had a drink during the day until these past few weeks.
A few days ago I woke up feeling so close to death I'd had enough. I forced myself through the withdrawl the first few nights and am feeling much better but no where near normal.
I was a functioning alcoholic for sure, working 75 hour work weeks but hungover every single day. Until that turned in to me not showing up to work at all in a matter of months. Don't let it creep up on you because it will and you wont know how it happened.
Welcome and good luck to you, I never thought I'd be able to live a day without drinking, but once you get past the initial sickness (which is worse for some than others) you really start to feel the weight of what you're doing to your body lift.
Catch it now before you're so gone to even realize you have a problem, respect for your post!!
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