the -ism, and grief
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
the -ism, and grief
i don't know which section to post this in because i'm writing about losing my serenity, but it's because i am experiencing grief.
if you read other posts, i talk more about it but my kitty of 17 years passed away on tuesday and i am absolutely heartbroken.
it's starting to hit me
i cry in spurts, and i have a hard time coming home to my apartment because that's when i really notice...that he's gone.
a few times i have cried so hard into my pillow that it's actually a moan. I have no regrets and it was a beautiful peaceful goodbye for which i am grateful - i just.....miss him.
it's grief. plain and simple.
it has to be dealt with, and my disease hates dealing with much of anything that hurts.
I have a second cat, but i feel like he is lonely, too. they were together all his life (this one is 15 yrs). I've been showering him with love and i even try to cry in the bathroom with the door shut so that he won't notice, because i want him to be surrounded by good energy.
i am having a hard time today (but not yesterday) focusing, so i've already been to two AA meetings.
i feel better when i leave, but here i am in my apt again, feeling.....loads of....grief.
deep deep in my chest and tummy. I miss my cat. I want him back. it's not a possibility. I miss him so much.
i've had a wine fantasy once today, which only reaffirms my disease. i'm also having "i just wish i wasn't alive" thoughts which i also attribute to the same obsessive disease (the -ism of alcoholism)
i haven't had thoughts like this in about 60 days
i'm writing for support. I am "L" of "HALT" and also "T"
but i also want to go on a big run. (i haven't been on a run in 2 weeks, since my cat became ill). I know i'm too exhausted to run but i want to go anyway and of course i feel like maybe that's also an -ism.
what isn't an -ism?
is this self pity too?
where does grief fall into our recovery?
calling sponsor now.
if you read other posts, i talk more about it but my kitty of 17 years passed away on tuesday and i am absolutely heartbroken.
it's starting to hit me
i cry in spurts, and i have a hard time coming home to my apartment because that's when i really notice...that he's gone.
a few times i have cried so hard into my pillow that it's actually a moan. I have no regrets and it was a beautiful peaceful goodbye for which i am grateful - i just.....miss him.
it's grief. plain and simple.
it has to be dealt with, and my disease hates dealing with much of anything that hurts.
I have a second cat, but i feel like he is lonely, too. they were together all his life (this one is 15 yrs). I've been showering him with love and i even try to cry in the bathroom with the door shut so that he won't notice, because i want him to be surrounded by good energy.
i am having a hard time today (but not yesterday) focusing, so i've already been to two AA meetings.
i feel better when i leave, but here i am in my apt again, feeling.....loads of....grief.
deep deep in my chest and tummy. I miss my cat. I want him back. it's not a possibility. I miss him so much.
i've had a wine fantasy once today, which only reaffirms my disease. i'm also having "i just wish i wasn't alive" thoughts which i also attribute to the same obsessive disease (the -ism of alcoholism)
i haven't had thoughts like this in about 60 days
i'm writing for support. I am "L" of "HALT" and also "T"
but i also want to go on a big run. (i haven't been on a run in 2 weeks, since my cat became ill). I know i'm too exhausted to run but i want to go anyway and of course i feel like maybe that's also an -ism.
what isn't an -ism?
is this self pity too?
where does grief fall into our recovery?
calling sponsor now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi OceanSize
I'm not an AAer but I see grief as a perfectly natural response to loss.
I felt very uncomfortable feeling grief sober - I'd spent 20 years doing my best not to sit with things...my usual reaction was to numb myself out and metaphorically run away.
I think it's ok to grieve...more than that - it's necessary.
Dealing with grief sober helped me to deal with stuff and move on...in a way I never could drinking.
If grief is stopping you from maintaining everyday stuff tho, or it's making you think of self harm or think of drinking, then I think it's time to reach out and get some help for sure.
Sponsors are good. Counsellors, especially those dealing in grief, are good too
big hugs. I'm sorry again for your loss.
D
I'm not an AAer but I see grief as a perfectly natural response to loss.
I felt very uncomfortable feeling grief sober - I'd spent 20 years doing my best not to sit with things...my usual reaction was to numb myself out and metaphorically run away.
I think it's ok to grieve...more than that - it's necessary.
Dealing with grief sober helped me to deal with stuff and move on...in a way I never could drinking.
If grief is stopping you from maintaining everyday stuff tho, or it's making you think of self harm or think of drinking, then I think it's time to reach out and get some help for sure.
Sponsors are good. Counsellors, especially those dealing in grief, are good too
big hugs. I'm sorry again for your loss.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 182
Lots of hugs, Ocean.
You are human and grief comes with love.
If you hadn't loved your kitty so much, you wouldn't miss him so.
I still weep sometimes over my darling cat I lost in 2008 who I had 16 years.
She will always be with me in my heart but I also know I will always miss her.
It is hard, I know.
Just keep posting, letting your emotions out and reading online about pet loss bereavement...they have good advice.
Lots of hugs...Honeypie
You are human and grief comes with love.
If you hadn't loved your kitty so much, you wouldn't miss him so.
I still weep sometimes over my darling cat I lost in 2008 who I had 16 years.
She will always be with me in my heart but I also know I will always miss her.
It is hard, I know.
Just keep posting, letting your emotions out and reading online about pet loss bereavement...they have good advice.
Lots of hugs...Honeypie
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
I'm not an AA person either, but you are grieving and it's a necessary process. But, if it becomes overwhelming to you, then talk to your dr.
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. It's heart-breaking when we lose a pet.
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. It's heart-breaking when we lose a pet.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
I am so sorry for your loss! I lost a female of 16yrs in jan and I know how you feel cry it out is all I could do and yeah it stinks these darn feelings but you will come out the other side sober strong and still full of love! hugs!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Please do ask for some help if your grief gets too much to bear. I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitty but so glad you had all that time with him. When I lost my old beagirl I took comfort in the fact that I'd given her a great life, and at the end, I didn't let her suffer. I still miss her tho and I really feel my life was enriched by her presence for all those years.
:ghug3
And no, I don't think of it as self pity, just overwhelming grief and loss.
:ghug3
And no, I don't think of it as self pity, just overwhelming grief and loss.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The South USA
Posts: 56
My husband and I couldn't even talk to each other about our kitty's loss for a month. I was at a meeting yesterday and the topic was grief over death of our dear animal companions. No small thing. Keep sober, keep in touch with folks on your same path.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Oceansize, I know how you feel. I lost my best buddy and first dog on June 17th, after 15 years and four months. I didn't get sober until recently, however, and so I feel like only now I'm really processing losing him.
One thing that might be helpful is to sit down and write down all the things about your kitty that made you smile... all the things he did that were quirky or funny or endearing... just whatever memories come to you that you want to remember. A friend of mine suggested this to me -- she did it when her cat died, and she's thankful to have that list and to pull it out every now and again to remember him.
It's okay to be grieving, he was your good friend. I am sorry for your loss.
One thing that might be helpful is to sit down and write down all the things about your kitty that made you smile... all the things he did that were quirky or funny or endearing... just whatever memories come to you that you want to remember. A friend of mine suggested this to me -- she did it when her cat died, and she's thankful to have that list and to pull it out every now and again to remember him.
It's okay to be grieving, he was your good friend. I am sorry for your loss.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
OceanSize - I love it that you adored your cat so much. Your cat loved you just as much - so maybe you could think how sad he would feel if he could see you in this state. He wanted to be your friend, not to bring you pain and suffering. If you think of it that way, maybe it would help.
The intense pain will subside & you'll be able to remember the happy years you spent together.
The intense pain will subside & you'll be able to remember the happy years you spent together.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Sorry for your loss, but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it looks dark now, but things will get better, grief is a natural process. Sitting with your feelings and trying to to come to grips with your emotions can be tough, but drinking is not something that will make this process any easier. In fact it will only complicate the situation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Dear Ocean,
just cry it out. feel those feelings. i am learning that feeling the pain is right. it is meant to feel that way, when we lose such a friend and beloved furbaby. I guess what i am trying to say is, it is a blessing to be able to feel, even when it hurts. embrace your sadness, cry out your hurt, and it will bring healing and peace. dont be afraid to feel. it is the beautiful thing about being human.
I know your pain, i lost two of my furbaby kitties in the last two years. i miss them still, but I treasure the love, memories, and the happiness that they were mine and I was theirs.
your kitty will bring you peace, and maybe you will be blessed like many are, with a visit in your dreams , from your sweetie, letting you know that he is near, and that the love remains forever.
sending you wishes for comfort, and beautiful memories to bring you a smile.
hugs
chicory
just cry it out. feel those feelings. i am learning that feeling the pain is right. it is meant to feel that way, when we lose such a friend and beloved furbaby. I guess what i am trying to say is, it is a blessing to be able to feel, even when it hurts. embrace your sadness, cry out your hurt, and it will bring healing and peace. dont be afraid to feel. it is the beautiful thing about being human.
I know your pain, i lost two of my furbaby kitties in the last two years. i miss them still, but I treasure the love, memories, and the happiness that they were mine and I was theirs.
your kitty will bring you peace, and maybe you will be blessed like many are, with a visit in your dreams , from your sweetie, letting you know that he is near, and that the love remains forever.
sending you wishes for comfort, and beautiful memories to bring you a smile.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hudson Valley, NY
Posts: 42
Hope you feel better Ocean.
I have a pup myself I am very fond of. So I do understand.
Remember that every living thing on this earth will eventually share the same fate. No matter how different they are. I forget where I heard that.
Get out of your apartment. Maybe a new kitten?
Just please don't let your alcoholism trick you into using this as a reason to drink.
Hang in there man!
I have a pup myself I am very fond of. So I do understand.
Remember that every living thing on this earth will eventually share the same fate. No matter how different they are. I forget where I heard that.
Get out of your apartment. Maybe a new kitten?
Just please don't let your alcoholism trick you into using this as a reason to drink.
Hang in there man!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Oceansize)))
Thinking of you. and sending a great big hug.
maybe sometime soon you might post a picture of your little furbaby. I have one of mine, tember, that went to the rainbow bridge, over two years ago. i would love to see your little one.
chicory
Thinking of you. and sending a great big hug.
maybe sometime soon you might post a picture of your little furbaby. I have one of mine, tember, that went to the rainbow bridge, over two years ago. i would love to see your little one.
chicory
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 39
Oh, Oceansize, my heart goes out to you. I love cats so much and can really understand your pain.
Let your grief flow out in a sober environment. I too, have experienced heartbreaking tragedy in my life...I tried to medicate with booze in order to make the pain go away, but it festered inside me instead. I wanted to stop living and just sink into oblivion, but numbness never really helped...only after I was sober could I begin to heal slowly. In time it will lessen, feel less painful, but for now, stay well, let it all out and surround yourself with people who love you.
Thinking of you.
Let your grief flow out in a sober environment. I too, have experienced heartbreaking tragedy in my life...I tried to medicate with booze in order to make the pain go away, but it festered inside me instead. I wanted to stop living and just sink into oblivion, but numbness never really helped...only after I was sober could I begin to heal slowly. In time it will lessen, feel less painful, but for now, stay well, let it all out and surround yourself with people who love you.
Thinking of you.
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