AprilMay1895

I did 8 months in AA and then 7 months of drinking and just went back to an AA meeting tonight. I am a "passive alcoholic" if I am one at all. I take my 8 beers at night, drink them alone in my home and go to sleep, wake up in the AM and go to work. I'm certain I'm killing myself in one of the slowest manners possible. AA and everything about it makes my skin crawl. I even said that in the meeting tonight that when they read from the big book it made me cringe. I felt like a demon going to Catholic mass.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like there's any real hope that I'll get out of my own nightmare.

zorilla

Don't give up..There is real hope!!!

MickeyAnMeisce

In b4 Terminally Unique.

There are many other paths to sobriety, and you a most certainly not doomed if you choose not to go to AA. You might want to explore the the Secular Connections forum.

suki44883

There are several of us here who didn't use AA to get sober. There are other options. I agree that you might find our Secular Connections forum of interest.

Dee74

if AA's not your scene, thats not the end of the road by any means - there's other recovery methods, there's counselling, there's rehab...

there's practically as many ways up the recovery mountain as there are alcoholics I think

Here's some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

OceanSize

i understand the skin crawling feeling. In my experience it has nothing to do with my recovery method and everything to do with being alcoholic (in more ways than one) - what i do like about recovery in any place, such as SR or the treatment facility i was in, or AA, or whatever it is, is that usually a lot of alcoholics with skin crawly feelings end up together in a group, relating stories to one another, talking about what it feels like to be this screwed up and figuring out ways to change some thinking patterns so that we can feel better and secure and purposeful in the world just long enough to avoid that drink or knee jerk reaction that eventually generates shame. we don't have to live that way, but i do believe in any recovery program we need each other. At least that's been my experience thus far (not just now but even in previous programs)

Wishing you the best, welcome to SR, this forum plays a key role in my sobriety.

soberlicious

AprilMay, I agree with the others. Look at other ways that people here on SR have stopped drinking. Do not give up hope. You can and will wake up from your nightmare, if you take some action.

grateful101010

Hi - I am sober almost 1 year without AA. My method? SR at least 4 times per week. The stories of suffering keep me on the straight and narrow, the old "there but for the grace of god go I" wisdom. Maybe my comments help people, too.

Also, I did and still do reading therapy. I read every sobriety memoir and alcoholism book I could get into my Kindle. Every night before bed. Every morning. To keep sobriety the #1 priority in my life, which it is. Maybe try it yourself. We all need to pound into our thick collective skull that we have a fatal disease called alcoholism which has only one treatment, complete abstinence from alcohol. Fark alcohol, no one needs it.

CarolD

Glad to see you again..

You may want to have an honest talk with your doctor about how best to do
a safe de tox this time. It's always a good idea

If you do decide to re-connect to AA...please begin doing Your Steps because when I took that action
I went from shaky sobriety into solid recovery...

I messed around with AA...it took me 4 years to actually get my current AA time started.
Please know you are not alone with false starts...

Beebizzy

Hi AprilMay,

I was exactly the same sort of drinker that you describe - secret and solo. I'm almost 6 weeks sober now (and loving it) - I did not use AA, nor in fact any 'formal' recovery method.

I was referred to an addiction psychiatrist for a medically supervised detox (I highly recommend this latter, to be safe). A GP also works.

Otherwise what has helped me is reading here and reading a lot of books on the subject and also on the internet.

If you think about it, reading through all of the threads on this board alone will introduce you to many, many routes to recovery, some formal programmes, some not at all, some a mix. This board is already a mix. That helped me immensely.

Good luck to you,
BB

hirsty

I agree with all of the above posts.. Although I am only ten days sober a combination of reading many books on the subject matter, a medical detox with my GP, and reading posts on this forum have pushed me along into sobriety..

AA is working for me though,, i've not even started to think about the "steps" and the "higher power" elements of the program yet, but purely going somewhere for 1.5 hours where you can't drink has helped, and some of the shares i've heard i've related to sooo much,, everytime I leave a meeting I feel more hopeful that I can overcome this illness... Power in numbers!

NYCDoglvr

AA has worked for me, but I hated it for a while. I was so desperate I took every suggestion, got a sponsor, called people I didn't know. It was very hard getting sober, it was a while before I felt ok. I'm just not someone who could get sober on my own.

sugarbear1

Welcome!

AprilMay1895

I just want to hug you guys when you say AA isn't the only way. I think I do an okay job of being honest with myself. I gave AA everything that they asked of me for those 8 months. The only thing I could've seen myself doing wrong was that I didn't apologize to my parents for being a crazy, mixed up daughter. I was a naughty kid before I even knew alcohol and I put them through some serious worries. But my sponsor said I had to tell them I was having problems with my drinking. My parents would never guess in a million years that I have a drinking problem and the thought of me telling them I have yet another personality issue would just hurt them and make my mom worry to death. I didn't see why it would be fair to them to make them freak out about yet another thing.
I have a great relationship with my parents even though I've had my downs, we talk all the time and they're like my closest friends. If we didn't get along, I'd think taking those extreme measures would be necessary but that's not the case.

Anyway, I have accumulated several alternate recovery method books and never read them. I think it's time to bring them out and get to work.

jamdls

Your parents are your best friends, best friends can and usually are our biggest support in sobriety. My dad became my best friend and biggest supporter after I stopped drinking, I lived 2000 miles away from my parents and hadn't seen them in 10 yrs when I quit drinking but when I quit I did reach out to them, they were not surprised at all that I had a drinking problem. Apologizing to them was 1 of the most cathartic things that I did, my mom died 4 mths after I quit drinking and knowing that we had made peace made her death easier to bear.

yeahgr8

This is my experience...

I spent a decade moving from one thing to the next in order to make some sort of efffort to get sober, i tried AA, resonance treatment, rehab, antabuse, anti-depressants, changes in lifestyle, moving cities/countries etc...what i refused to do in that decade was take responsibility for the things i was trying or be accountable for the failure/success of the things i tried.

The last thing i really wanted to do was sit in a room full of drunks, most of which were taking stopping drinking very seriously indeed i would much rather pay some more money to try something new...i would spend anything between 2 and 6 months dry from alcohol on each of my new treatments...

Point is i never saw one of them through to the end, have you done AA through to the end? Have you worked the steps of the program of AA with a sponsor because that's the solution in AA not just turning up for meetings?

The reason for the post is because it would have been absolute music to my ears, most the replies on this thread, when i had got to the point with the latest treatment where i was quite fed up with it, this was usually about the time that i knew i would have to start taking it seriously to get any benefit from it. Ask enough people and you will always get the answer you want, AA apparently doesn't work for everyone so you can call it a day now...i will tell you that it does work for the majority that actually do the work though.

Good news is thought when you have had enough you will do the work and get sober, if you really want to and that could happen today!

soberlicious

Some people are very private about their recovery. My sister did not speak of hers, not to the family anyway. We just noticed that she had stopped drinking. She has done so much work with so many many methods and her mixed recovery methods have been successful. She is serene, has her life on track, and is accomplishing goals, continues to grow and works on becoming the woman she wants to be every day. Who is to say her way is not "the way"? It is the way for her...the proof is in the pudding. She hasn't had a drink in some 10 years or so. I also use a mixed approach and have been successful. as well. I am not as private as she is. I tend to share all. Both of our ways are right and to be respected, because both have worked for us. Staying sober and living well...it can be accomplished.

Boleo

I don't see where being a "Passive Alcoholic" is any better than being an aggressive alcoholic?

Aggressive alcoholics usually end up in jail before they drink themselves to death. Passive alcoholics skip the jail part.

freethinking

A lot of people, myself included, have been under the misconception that if you have tried to quit drinking alone and failed, then the only other option is AA. That is not the case, and I wish I had figured this out sooner.

I quit drinking, and knew at some point I was not going to be able to keep it up much longer by relying on what was in my head (years of AA and lots of fear). I now use a little bit of SMART recovery philosophy, Rational Recovery, this forum - every bit of it helps.

Feel hopeful in that there are more than several great options out there for you.

HuskyPup

Well, I'm a bit late to the thread, but there's a lot of other ways to get sober, as so many have pointed out. Like you, many things about AA also make my skin crawl, and it is not merely because I do not 'want' to be sober, but due to the number of 'you HAVE to do it this way, or else' messages you hear, or the sheer volume of 'I tried everything, and nothing worked but AA' messages, all of which seem laden with the implication that AA works for everyone, and that only the stubborn and defective would shun it. I think for those with a low sense of self-esteem, it can be a very dangerous program, in all actuality, and should be approached with caution, the more I have considered it.